CHAPTER I. LEVITICAL.

OflateyearsanabundantshowerofcurateshasfallenuponthenorthofEngland:theylieverythickonthehillseveryparishhasoneormoreofthemtheyareyoungenoughtobeveryactive,andoughttobedoingagreatdealofgood.Butnotoflateyearsareweabouttospeakwearegoingbacktothebeginningofthiscentury:lateyears—presentyearsaredusty,sunburnt,hot,aridwewillevadethenoon,forgetitinsiesta,passthemiddayinslumber,anddreamofdawn. Ifyouthink,fromthisprelude,thatanythinglikearomanceispreparingforyou,reader,youneverweremoremistaken.Doyouanticipatesentiment,andpoetry,andreverie?Doyouexpectpassion,andstimulus,andmelodrama?Calmyourexpectationsreducethemtoalowlystandard.Somethingreal,cool,andsolidliesbeforeyousomethingunromanticasMondaymorning,whenallwhohaveworkwakewiththeconsciousnessthattheymustriseandbetakethemselvesthereto.Itisnotpositivelyaffirmedthatyoushallnothaveatasteoftheexciting,perhapstowardsthemiddleandcloseofthemeal,butitisresolvedthatthefirstdishsetuponthetableshallbeonethataCatholic—ay,evenanAnglo-Catholic—mighteatonGoodFridayinPassionWeek:itshallbecoldlentilsandvinegarwithoutoilitshallbeunleavenedbreadwithbitterherbs,andnoroastlamb. Oflateyears,Isay,anabundantshowerofcurateshasfallenuponthenorthofEnglandbutineighteen-hundred-eleven-twelvethataffluentrainhadnotdescended.Curateswerescarcethen:therewasnoPastoralAid—noAdditionalCurates'Societytostretchahelpinghandtoworn-outoldrectorsandincumbents,andgivethemthewherewithaltopayavigorousyoungcolleaguefromOxfordorCambridge.Thepresentsuccessorsoftheapostles,disciplesofDr.PuseyandtoolsofthePropaganda,wereatthattimebeinghatchedundercradle-blankets,orundergoingregenerationbynursery-baptisminwash-handbasins.YoucouldnothaveguessedbylookingatanyoneofthemthattheItalian-ironeddoublefrillsofitsnet-capsurroundedthebrowsofapreordained,specially-sanctifiedsuccessorofSt.Paul,St.Peter,orSt.Johnnorcouldyouhaveforeseeninthefoldsofitslongnight-gownthewhitesurpliceinwhichitwashereaftercruellytoexercisethesoulsofitsparishioners,andstrangelytononplusitsold-fashionedvicarbyflourishingaloftinapulpittheshirt-likeraimentwhichhadneverbeforewavedhigherthanthereading-desk. Yeteveninthosedaysofscarcitytherewerecurates:thepreciousplantwasrare,butitmightbefound.AcertainfavoureddistrictintheWestRidingofYorkshirecouldboastthreerodsofAaronblossomingwithinacircuitoftwentymiles.Youshallseethem,reader.Stepintothisneatgarden-houseontheskirtsofWhinbury,walkforwardintothelittleparlour.Theretheyareatdinner.Allowmetointroducethemtoyou:Mr.Donne,curateofWhinburyMr.Malone,curateofBriarfieldMr.Sweeting,curateofNunnely.TheseareMr.Donne'slodgings,beingthehabitationofoneJohnGale,asmallclothier.Mr.Donnehaskindlyinvitedhisbrethrentoregalewithhim.YouandIwilljointheparty,seewhatistobeseen,andhearwhatistobeheard.Atpresent,however,theyareonlyeatingandwhiletheyeatwewilltalkaside. Thesegentlemenareinthebloomofyouththeypossessalltheactivityofthatinterestingage—anactivitywhichtheirmopingoldvicarswouldfainturnintothechanneloftheirpastoralduties,oftenexpressingawishtoseeitexpendedinadiligentsuperintendenceoftheschools,andinfrequentvisitstothesickoftheirrespectiveparishes.ButtheyouthfulLevitesfeelthistobedullworktheypreferlavishingtheirenergiesonacourseofproceedingwhich,thoughtoothereyesitappearmoreheavywithennui,morecursedwithmonotony,thanthetoiloftheweaverathisloom,seemstoyieldthemanunfailingsupplyofenjoymentandoccupation. Ialludetoarushingbackwardsandforwards,amongstthemselves,toandfromtheirrespectivelodgings—notaround,butatriangleofvisits,whichtheykeepupalltheyearthrough,inwinter,spring,summer,andautumn.Seasonandweathermakenodifferencewithunintelligiblezealtheydaresnowandhail,windandrain,mireanddust,togoanddine,ordrinktea,orsupwitheachother.Whatattractsthemitwouldbedifficulttosay.Itisnotfriendship,forwhenevertheymeettheyquarrel.Itisnotreligion—thethingisnevernamedamongstthemtheologytheymaydiscussoccasionally,butpiety—never.Itisnottheloveofeatinganddrinking:eachmighthaveasgoodajointandpudding,teaaspotent,andtoastassucculent,athisownlodgings,asisservedtohimathisbrother's.Mrs.Gale,Mrs.Hogg,andMrs.Whipp—theirrespectivelandladies—affirmthat"itisjustfornaughtelsebuttogivefolktrouble."By"folk"thegoodladiesofcoursemeanthemselves,forindeedtheyarekeptinacontinual"fry"bythissystemofmutualinvasion. Mr.Donneandhisguests,asIhavesaid,areatdinnerMrs.Galewaitsonthem,butasparkofthehotkitchenfireisinhereye.Sheconsidersthattheprivilegeofinvitingafriendtoamealoccasionally,withoutadditionalcharge(aprivilegeincludedinthetermsonwhichsheletsherlodgings),hasbeenquitesufficientlyexercisedoflate.ThepresentweekisyetbutatThursday,andonMondayMr.Malone,thecurateofBriarfield,cametobreakfastandstayeddinneronTuesday