CHAPTER XVIII. MIRTH AND MOURNING

llalikeunchanged:therewasthesamekeen-sighted,uncloudedtruthfulnessinhisdiscourse,thesameforcibleclearnessinhisstyle,thesameearnestsimplicityinallhesaidanddid,thatmadeitself,notmarkedbytheeyeandear,butfeltupontheheartsofhisaudience. IwalkedhomewithMissMatildabuthedidnotjoinus.Matildawasnowsadlyatalossforamusement,andwofullyinwantofacompanion:herbrothersatschool,hersistermarriedandgone,shetooyoungtobeadmittedintosocietyforwhich,fromRosalie’sexample,shewasinsomedegreebeginningtoacquireataste—atasteatleastforthecompanyofcertainclassesofgentlemenatthisdulltimeofyear—nohuntinggoingon,noshootingeven—for,thoughshemightnotjoininthat,itwassomethingtoseeherfatherorthegamekeepergooutwiththedogs,andtotalkwiththemontheirreturn,aboutthedifferentbirdstheyhadbagged.Now,also,shewasdeniedthesolacewhichthecompanionshipofthecoachman,grooms,horses,greyhounds,andpointersmighthaveaffordedforhermotherhaving,notwithstandingthedisadvantagesofacountrylife,sosatisfactorilydisposedofherelderdaughter,theprideofherhearthadbegunseriouslytoturnherattentiontotheyoungerand,beingtrulyalarmedattheroughnessofhermanners,andthinkingithightimetoworkareform,hadbeenrousedatlengthtoexertherauthority,andprohibitedentirelytheyards,stables,kennels,andcoach-house.Ofcourse,shewasnotimplicitlyobeyedbut,indulgentasshehadhithertobeen,whenonceherspiritwasroused,hertemperwasnotsogentleassherequiredthatofhergovernessestobe,andherwillwasnottobethwartedwithimpunity.Aftermanyasceneofcontentionbetweenmotheranddaughter,manyaviolentoutbreakwhichIwasashamedtowitness,inwhichthefather’sauthoritywasoftencalledintoconfirmwithoathsandthreatsthemother’sslightedprohibitions—forevenhecouldseethat“Tilly,thoughshewouldhavemadeafinelad,wasnotquitewhatayoungladyoughttobe”—Matildaatlengthfoundthathereasiestplanwastokeepclearoftheforbiddenregionsunlessshecouldnowandthenstealavisitwithoutherwatchfulmother’sknowledge. Amidallthis,letitnotbeimaginedthatIescapedwithoutmanyareprimand,andmanyanimpliedreproach,thatlostnoneofitsstingfromnotbeingopenlywordedbutratherwoundedthemoredeeply,because,fromthatveryreason,itseemedtoprecludeself-defence.Frequently,IwastoldtoamuseMissMatildawithotherthings,andtoremindherofhermother’spreceptsandprohibitions.Ididsotothebestofmypower:butshewouldnotbeamusedagainstherwill,andcouldnotagainsthertasteandthoughIwentbeyondmerereminding,suchgentleremonstrancesasIcouldusewereutterlyineffectual. “DearMissGrey!itisthestrangestthing.Isupposeyoucan’thelpit,ifit’snotinyournature—butIwonderyoucan’twintheconfidenceofthatgirl,andmakeyoursocietyatleastasagreeabletoherasthatofRobertorJoseph!” “Theycantalkthebestaboutthethingsinwhichsheismostinterested,”Ireplied. “Well!thatisastrangeconfession,however,tocomefromhergoverness!Whoistoformayounglady’stastes,Iwonder,ifthegovernessdoesn’tdoit?Ihaveknowngovernesseswhohavesocompletelyidentifiedthemselveswiththereputationoftheiryoungladiesforeleganceandproprietyinmindandmanners,thatt