CHAPTER XIV. THE RECTOR

soscornfullytrampledunderyourfeet.Theywouldbenaturallyinclinedtohateonewhosesurpassinglovelinesshassocompletelyestrangedmyheartfromthemandblindedmetotheirattractionsandasinglehintofthetruthfrommetooneofthesewouldbesufficienttoraisesuchatalkagainstyouaswouldseriouslyinjureyourprospects,anddiminishyourchanceofsuccesswithanyothergentlemanyouoryourmammamightdesigntoentangle.’ “‘Whatdoyourmean,sir?’saidI,readytostampwithpassion. “‘Imeanthatthisaffairfrombeginningtoendappearstomelikeacaseofarrantflirtation,tosaytheleastofit—suchacaseasyouwouldfinditratherinconvenienttohaveblazonedthroughtheworld:especiallywiththeadditionsandexaggerationsofyourfemalerivals,whowouldbetoogladtopublishthematter,ifIonlygavethemahandletoit.ButIpromiseyou,onthefaithofagentleman,thatnowordorsyllablethatcouldtendtoyourprejudiceshalleverescapemylips,providedyouwill—’ “‘Well,well,Iwon’tmentionit,’saidI.‘Youmayrelyuponmysilence,ifthatcanaffordyouanyconsolation.’ “‘Youpromiseit?’ “‘Yes,’IansweredforIwantedtogetridofhimnow. “‘Farewell,then!’saidhe,inamostdoleful,heart-sicktoneandwithalookwherepridevainlystruggledagainstdespair,heturnedandwentaway:longing,nodoubt,togethome,thathemightshuthimselfupinhisstudyandcry—ifhedoesn’tburstintotearsbeforehegetsthere.” “Butyouhavebrokenyourpromisealready,”saidI,trulyhorrifiedatherperfidy. “Oh!it’sonlytoyouIknowyouwon’trepeatit.” “Certainly,Ishallnot:butyousayyouaregoingtotellyoursisterandshewilltellyourbrotherswhentheycomehome,andBrownimmediately,ifyoudonottellheryourselfandBrownwillblazonit,orbethemeansofblazoningit,throughoutthecountry.” “No,indeed,shewon’t.Weshallnottellheratall,unlessitbeunderthepromiseofthestrictestsecrecy.” “Buthowcanyouexpecthertokeepherpromisesbetterthanhermoreenlightenedmistress?” “Well,well,sheshan’thearitthen,”saidMissMurray,somewhatsnappishly. “Butyouwilltellyourmamma,ofcourse,”pursuedI“andshewilltellyourpapa.” “OfcourseIshalltellmamma—thatistheverythingthatpleasesmesomuch.Ishallnowbeabletoconvinceherhowmistakenshewasinherfearsaboutme.” “Oh,that’sit,isit?Iwaswonderingwhatitwasthatdelightedyousomuch.” “Yesandanotherthingis,thatI’vehumbledMr.Hatfieldsocharminglyandanother—why,youmustallowmesomeshareoffemalevanity:Idon’tpretendtobewithoutthatmostessentialattributeofoursex—andifyouhadseenpoorHatfield’sintenseeagernessinmakinghisardentdeclarationandhisflatteringproposal,andhisagonyofmind,thatnoeffortofpridecouldconceal,onbeingrefused,youwouldhaveallowedIhadsomecausetobegratified.” “Thegreaterhisagony,Ishouldthink,thelessyourcauseforgratification.” “Oh,nonsense!”criedtheyounglady,shakingherselfwithvexation.“Youeithercan’tunderstandme,oryouwon’t.IfIhadnotconfidenceinyourmagnanimity,Ishouldthinkyouenviedme.Butyouwill,perhaps,comprehendthiscauseofpleasure—whichisasgreatasany—namely,thatIamdelightedwithmyselfformyprudence,myself-command,myheartlessness,ifyouplease.Iwasnotabittakenbysurprise,notabitconfused,orawkward,orfoolishIjustactedandspokeasIoughttohavedone,andwascompletelymyownmistressthroughout.Andherewasaman,decidedlygood-looking—JaneandSusanGreencallhimbewitchinglyhandsome—Isupposethey’retwooftheladieshepretendswouldbesogladtohavehimbut,however,hewascertainlyaveryclever,witty,agreeablecompanion—notwhatyoucallclever,butjustenoughtomakehimentertainingandamanoneneedn’tbeashamedofanywhere,andwouldnotsoongrowtiredofandtoconfessthetruth,Iratherlikedhim—bettereven,oflate,thanHarryMeltham—andheevidentlyidolisedmeandyet,thoughhecameuponmeallaloneandunprepared,Ihadthewisdom,andthepride,andthestrengthtorefusehim—andsoscornfullyandcoollyasIdid:Ihavegoodreasontobeproudofthat.” “AndareyouequallyproudofhavingtoldhimthathishavingthewealthofSirHughMelthamwouldmakenodifferencetoyou,whenthatwasnotthecaseandofhavingpromisedtotellnooneofhismisadventure,apparentlywithouttheslightestintentionofkeepingyourpromise?” “Ofcourse!whatelsecouldIdo?Youwouldnothavehadme—butIsee,MissGrey,you’renotinagoodtemper.Here’sMatildaI’llseewhatsheandmammahavetosayaboutit.” Sheleftme,offendedatmywantofsympathy,andthinking,nodoubt,thatIenviedher.Ididnot—atleast,IfirmlybelievedIdidnot.IwassorryforherIwasamazed,disgustedatherheartlessvanityIwonderedwhysomuchbeautyshouldbegiventothosewhomadesobadauseofit,anddeniedtosomewhowouldmakeitabenefittoboththemselvesandothers. But,Godknowsbest,Iconcluded.Thereare,Isuppose,somemenasvain,asselfish,andasheartlessassheis,and,perhaps,suchwomenmaybeusefultopunishthem.