CHAPTER XIV. THE RECTOR

!—oh,dear!Ican’ttellyouallaboutitnow,forthere’sMatilda,Isee,inthepark,andImustgoandopenmybudgettoher.But,however,Hatfieldwasmostuncommonlyaudacious,unspeakablycomplimentary,andunprecedentedlytender—triedtobeso,atleast—hedidn’tsucceedverywellinthat,becauseit’snothisvein.I’lltellyouallhesaidanothertime.” “Butwhatdidyousay—I’mmoreinterestedinthat?” “I’lltellyouthat,too,atsomefutureperiod.Ihappenedtobeinaverygoodhumourjustthenbut,thoughIwascomplaisantandgraciousenough,Itookcarenottocompromisemyselfinanypossibleway.But,however,theconceitedwretchchosetointerpretmyamiabilityoftemperhisownway,andatlengthpresumeduponmyindulgencesofar—whatdoyouthink?—heactuallymademeanoffer!” “Andyou—” “Iproudlydrewmyselfup,andwiththegreatestcoolnessexpressedmyastonishmentatsuchanoccurrence,andhopedhehadseennothinginmyconducttojustifyhisexpectations.Youshouldhaveseenhowhiscountenancefell!Hewentperfectlywhiteintheface.IassuredhimthatIesteemedhimandallthat,butcouldnotpossiblyaccedetohisproposalsandifIdid,papaandmammacouldneverbebroughttogivetheirconsent.” “‘Butiftheycould,’saidhe,‘wouldyoursbewanting?’ “‘Certainly,Mr.Hatfield,’Ireplied,withacooldecisionwhichquelledallhopeatonce.Oh,ifyouhadseenhowdreadfullymortifiedhewas—howcrushedtotheearthbyhisdisappointment!really,Ialmostpitiedhimmyself. “Onemoredesperateattempt,however,hemade.Afterasilenceofconsiderableduration,duringwhichhestruggledtobecalm,andItobegrave—forIfeltastrongpropensitytolaugh—whichwouldhaveruinedall—hesaid,withtheghostofasmile—‘Buttellmeplainly,MissMurray,ifIhadthewealthofSirHughMeltham,ortheprospectsofhiseldestson,wouldyoustillrefuseme?Answermetruly,uponyourhonour.’ “‘Certainly,’saidI.‘Thatwouldmakenodifferencewhatever.’ “Itwasagreatlie,buthelookedsoconfidentinhisownattractionsstill,thatIdeterminednottoleavehimonestoneuponanother.HelookedmefullinthefacebutIkeptmycountenancesowellthathecouldnotimagineIwassayinganythingmorethantheactualtruth. “‘Thenit’sallover,Isuppose,’hesaid,lookingasifhecouldhavediedonthespotwithvexationandtheintensityofhisdespair.Buthewasangryaswellasdisappointed.Therewashe,sufferingsounspeakably,andtherewasI,thepitilesscauseofitall,soutterlyimpenetrabletoalltheartilleryofhislooksandwords,socalmlycoldandproud,hecouldnotbutfeelsomeresentmentandwithsingularbitternesshebegan—‘Icertainlydidnotexpectthis,MissMurray.Imightsaysomethingaboutyourpastconduct,andthehopesyouhaveledmetofoster,butIforbear,oncondition—’ “‘Noconditions,Mr.Hatfield!’saidI,nowtrulyindignantathisinsolence. “‘Thenletmebegitasafavour,’hereplied,loweringhisvoiceatonce,andtakingahumblertone:‘letmeentreatthatyouwillnotmentionthisaffairtoanyonewhatever.Ifyouwillkeepsilenceaboutit,thereneedbenounpleasantnessoneitherside—nothing,Imean,beyondwhatisquiteunavoidable:formyownfeelingsIwillendeavourtokeeptomyself,ifIcannotannihilatethem—Iwilltrytoforgive,ifIcannotforgetthecauseofmysufferings.Iwillnotsuppose,MissMurray,thatyouknowhowdeeplyyouhaveinjuredme.Iwouldnothaveyouawareofitbutif,inadditiontotheinjuryyouhavealreadydoneme—pardonme,but,whetherinnocentlyornot,youhavedoneit—andifyouaddtoitbygivingpublicitytothisunfortunateaffair,ornamingitatall,youwillfindthatItoocanspeak,andthoughyouscornedmylove,youwillhardlyscornmy—’ “Hestopped,buthebithisbloodlesslip,andlookedsoterriblyfiercethatIwasquitefrightened.However,myprideupheldmestill,andIanswereddisdainfully‘IdonotknowwhatmotiveyousupposeIcouldhavefornamingittoanyone,Mr.HatfieldbutifIweredisposedtodoso,youwouldnotdetermebythreatsanditisscarcelythepartofagentlemantoattemptit.’ “‘Pardonme,MissMurray,’saidhe,‘Ihavelovedyousointensely—Idostilladoreyousodeeply,thatIwouldnotwillinglyoffendyoubutthoughIneverhaveloved,andnevercanloveanywomanasIhavelovedyou,itisequallycertainthatIneverwassoill-treatedbyany.Onthecontrary,IhavealwaysfoundyoursexthekindestandmosttenderandobligingofGod’screation,tillnow.’(Thinkoftheconceitedfellowsayingthat!)‘Andthenoveltyandharshnessofthelessonyouhavetaughtmeto-day,andthebitternessofbeingdisappointedintheonlyquarteronwhichthehappinessofmylifedepended,mustexcuseanyappearanceofasperity.Ifmypresenceisdisagreeabletoyou,MissMurray,’hesaid(forIwaslookingaboutmetoshowhowlittleIcaredforhim,sohethoughtIwastiredofhim,Isuppose)—‘ifmypresenceisdisagreeabletoyou,MissMurray,youhaveonlytopromisemethefavourInamed,andIwillrelieveyouatonce.Therearemanyladies—someeveninthisparish—whowouldbedelightedtoacceptwhatyouhave