CHAPTER III. A FEW MORE LESSONS

tenshewouldstubbornlyrefusetopronouncesomeparticularwordinherlessonandnowIregretthelostlabourIhavehadinstrivingtoconquerherobstinacy.IfIhadpasseditoverasamatterofnoconsequence,itwouldhavebeenbetterforbothparties,thanvainlystrivingtoovercomeitasIdidbutIthoughtitmyabsolutedutytocrushthisvicioustendencyinthebud:andsoitwas,ifIcouldhavedoneitandhadmypowersbeenlesslimited,Imighthaveenforcedobediencebut,asitwas,itwasatrialofstrengthbetweenherandme,inwhichshegenerallycameoffvictoriousandeveryvictoryservedtoencourageandstrengthenherforafuturecontest.InvainIargued,coaxed,entreated,threatened,scoldedinvainIkeptherinfromplay,or,ifobligedtotakeherout,refusedtoplaywithher,ortospeakkindlyorhaveanythingtodowithherinvainItriedtosetbeforehertheadvantagesofdoingasshewasbid,andbeingloved,andkindlytreatedinconsequence,andthedisadvantagesofpersistinginherabsurdperversity.Sometimes,whenshewouldaskmetodosomethingforher,Iwouldanswer,—“Yes,Iwill,MaryAnn,ifyouwillonlysaythatword.Come!you’dbettersayitatonce,andhavenomoretroubleaboutit.” “No.” “Then,ofcourse,Icandonothingforyou.” Withme,atherage,orunder,neglectanddisgracewerethemostdreadfulofpunishmentsbutonhertheymadenoimpression.Sometimes,exasperatedtotheutmostpitch,Iwouldshakeherviolentlybytheshoulder,orpullherlonghair,orputherinthecornerforwhichshepunishedmewithloud,shrill,piercingscreams,thatwentthroughmyheadlikeaknife.SheknewIhatedthis,andwhenshehadshriekedherutmost,wouldlookintomyfacewithanairofvindictivesatisfaction,exclaiming,—“Now,then!that’sforyou!”andthenshriekagainandagain,tillIwasforcedtostopmyears.OftenthesedreadfulcrieswouldbringMrs.Bloomfielduptoinquirewhatwasthematter? “MaryAnnisanaughtygirl,ma’am.” “Butwhataretheseshockingscreams?” “Sheisscreaminginapassion.” “Ineverheardsuchadreadfulnoise!Youmightbekillingher.Whyisshenotoutwithherbrother?” “Icannotgethertofinishherlessons.” “ButMaryAnnmustbeagoodgirl,andfinishherlessons.”Thiswasblandlyspokentothechild.“AndIhopeIshallneverhearsuchterriblecriesagain!” Andfixinghercold,stonyeyesuponmewithalookthatcouldnotbemistaken,shewouldshutthedoor,andwalkaway.SometimesIwouldtrytotakethelittleobstinatecreaturebysurprise,andcasuallyaskherthewordwhileshewasthinkingofsomethingelsefrequentlyshewouldbegintosayit,andthensuddenlycheckherself,withaprovokinglookthatseemedtosay,“Ah!I’mtoosharpforyouyoushan’ttrickitoutofme,either.” Onanotheroccasion,Ipretendedtoforgetthewholeaffairandtalkedandplayedwithherasusual,tillnight,whenIputhertobedthenbendingoverher,whileshelayallsmilesandgoodhumour,justbeforedeparting,Isaid,ascheerfullyandkindlyasbefore—“Now,MaryAnn,justtellmethatwordbeforeIkissyougood-night.Youareagoodgirlnow,and,ofcourse,youwillsayit.” “No,Iwon’t.” “ThenIcan’tkissyou.” “Well,Idon’tcare.” InvainIexpressedmysorrowinvainIlingeredforsomesymptomofcontritionshereally“didn’tcare,”andIleftheralone,andindarkness,wonderingmostofallatthislastproofofinsensatestubbornness.InmychildhoodIcouldnotimagineamoreafflictivepunishmentthanformymothertorefusetokissmeatnight:theveryideawasterrible.MorethantheideaIneverfelt,for,happily,InevercommittedafaultthatwasdeemedworthyofsuchpenaltybutonceIremember,forsometransgressionofmysister’s,ourmotherthoughtpropertoinflictituponher:whatshefelt,IcannottellbutmysympathetictearsandsufferingforhersakeIshallnotsoonforget. AnothertroublesometraitinMaryAnnwasherincorrigiblepropensitytokeeprunningintothenursery,toplaywithherlittlesistersandthenurse.Thiswasnaturalenough,but,asitwasagainsthermother’sexpressdesire,I,ofcourse,forbadehertodoso,anddidmyutmosttokeepherwithmebutthatonlyincreasedherrelishforthenursery,andthemoreIstrovetokeepheroutofit,theoftenershewent,andthelongershestayed,tothegreatdissatisfactionofMrs.Bloomfield,who,Iwellknew,wouldimputealltheblameofthemattertome.Anotherofmyt