CHAPTER XXIV

letely,buthiseyeswereopenandhewasnolongerherslaveorherdupe.Hewouldbehermasterinfuture.TheinstantprolongeditselfasKatharinerealizedthestrengthofherdesiretospeakthewordsthatshouldkeepWilliamforever,andthebasenessofthetemptationwhichassailedhertomakethemovement,orspeaktheword,whichhehadoftenbeggedherfor,whichshewasnownearenoughtofeeling.Sheheldtheletterinherhand.Shesatsilent. AtthismomenttherewasastirintheotherroomthevoiceofMrs.Hilberywasheardtalkingofproof-sheetsrescuedbymiraculousprovidencefrombutcher’sledgersinAustraliathecurtainseparatingoneroomfromtheotherwasdrawnapart,andMrs.HilberyandAugustusPelhamstoodinthedoorway.Mrs.Hilberystoppedshort.Shelookedatherdaughter,andatthemanherdaughterwastomarry,withherpeculiarsmilethatalwaysseemedtotrembleonthebrinkofsatire. “Thebestofallmytreasures,Mr.Pelham!”sheexclaimed.“Don’tmove,Katharine.Sitstill,William.Mr.Pelhamwillcomeanotherday.” Mr.Pelhamlooked,smiled,bowed,and,ashishostesshadmovedon,followedherwithoutaword.ThecurtainwasdrawnagaineitherbyhimorbyMrs.Hilbery. Buthermotherhadsettledthequestionsomehow.Katharinedoubtednolonger. “AsItoldyoulastnight,”shesaid,“Ithinkit’syourduty,ifthere’sachancethatyoucareforCassandra,todiscoverwhatyourfeelingisforhernow.It’syourdutytoher,aswellastome.Butwemusttellmymother.Wecan’tgoonpretending.” “Thatisentirelyinyourhands,ofcourse,”saidRodney,withanimmediatereturntothemannerofaformalmanofhonor. “Verywell,”saidKatharine. Directlyhelefthershewouldgotohermother,andexplainthattheengagementwasatanend—oritmightbebetterthattheyshouldgotogether? “But,Katharine,”Rodneybegan,nervouslyattemptingtostuffCassandra’ssheetsbackintotheirenvelope“ifCassandra—shouldCassandra—you’veaskedCassandratostaywithyou.” “YesbutI’venotpostedtheletter.” Hecrossedhiskneesinadiscomfitedsilence.Byallhiscodesitwasimpossibletoaskawomanwithwhomhehadjustbrokenoffhisengagementtohelphimtobecomeacquaintedwithanotherwomanwithaviewtohisfallinginlovewithher.Ifitwasannouncedthattheirengagementwasover,alongandcompleteseparationwouldinevitablyfollowinthosecircumstances,lettersandgiftswerereturnedafteryearsofdistancetheseveredcouplemet,perhapsataneveningparty,andtouchedhandsuncomfortablywithanindifferentwordortwo.Hewouldbecastoffcompletelyhewouldhavetotrusttohisownresources.HecouldnevermentionCassandratoKatharineagainformonths,anddoubtlessyears,hewouldneverseeKatharineagainanythingmighthappentoherinhisabsence. Katharinewasalmostaswellawareofhisperplexitiesashewas.Sheknewinwhatdirectioncompletegenerositypointedthewaybutpride—fortoremainengagedtoRodneyandtocoverhisexperimentshurtwhatwasnoblerinherthanmerevanity—foughtforitslife. “I’mtogiveupmyfreedomforanindefinitetime,”shethought,“inorderthatWilliammayseeCassandrahereathisease.He’snotthecouragetomanageitwithoutmyhelp—he’stoomuchofacowardtotellmeopenlywhathewants.Hehatesthenotionofapublicbreach.Hewantstokeepusboth.” Whenshereachedthispoint,Rodneypocketedtheletterandelaboratelylookedathiswatch.AlthoughtheactionmeantthatheresignedCassandra,forheknewhisownincompetenceanddistrustedhimselfentirely,andlostKatharine,forwhomhisfeelingwasprofoundthoughunsatisfactory,stillitappearedtohimthattherewasnothingelseleftforhimtodo.Hewasforcedtogo,leavingKatharinefree,ashehadsaid,totellhermotherthattheengagementwasatanend.Buttodowhatplaindutyrequiredofanhonorableman,costaneffortwhichonlyadayortwoagowouldhavebeeninconceivabletohim.ThatarelationshipsuchashehadglancedatwithdesirecouldbepossiblebetweenhimandKatharine,hewouldhavebeenthefirst,twodaysago,todenywithindignation.Butnowhislifehadchangedhisattitudehadchangedhisfeelingsweredifferentnewaimsandpossibilitieshadbeenshownhim,andtheyhadanalmostirresistiblefascinationandforce.Thetrainingofalifeofthirty-fiveyearshadnotlefthimdefencelesshewasstillmasterofhisdignityherose,withamindmadeuptoanirrevocablefarewell. “Ileaveyou,then,”hesaid,standingupandholdingouthishandwithaneffortthatlefthimpale,butlenthimdignity,“totellyourmotherthatourengagementisendedbyyourdesire.” Shetookhishandandheldit. “Youdon’ttrustme?”shesaid. “Ido,absolutely,”hereplied. “No.Youdon’ttrustmetohelpyou....Icouldhelpyou?” “I’mhopelesswithoutyourhelp!”heexclaimedpassionately,butwithdrewhishandandturnedhisback.Whenhefacedher,shethoughtthatshesawhimforthefirsttimewithoutdisguise. “It’suselesstopretendthatIdon’tunderstandwhatyou’reoffering,Katharine.Iadmitwhatyousay.Speakingtoyouperfectlyfrankly,IbelieveatthismomentthatIdoloveyourcousinthereisachancethat,withyourhelp,Imight—butno,”hebrokeoff,“it’simpossible,it’swrong—I’minfinitelytoblameforhavingallowedthissituationtoarise.” “Sitbesideme.Let’sconsidersensibly—” “Yoursensehasbeenourundoing—”hegroaned. “Iaccepttheresponsibility.” “Ah,butcanIallowthat?”heexclaimed.“Itwouldmean—forwemustfaceit,Katharine—thatweletourengagementstandforthetimenominallyinfact,ofcourse,yourfreedomwouldbeabsolute.” “Andyourstoo.” “Yes,weshouldbothbefree.LetussaythatIsawCassandraonce,twice,perhaps,undertheseconditionsandthenif,asIthinkcertain,thewholethingprovesadream,wetellyourmotherinstantly.Whynottellhernow,indeed,underpledgeofsecrecy?” “Whynot?ItwouldbeoverLondonintenminutes,besides,shewouldneverevenremotelyunderstand.” “Yourfather,then?Thissecrecyisdetestable—it’sdishonorable.” “Myfatherwouldunderstandevenlessthanmymother.” “Ah,whocouldbeexpectedtounderstand?”Rodneygroaned“butit’sfromyourpointofviewthatwemustlookatit.It’snotonlyaskingtoomuch,it’sputtingyouintoaposition—apositioninwhichIcouldnotenduretoseemyownsister.” “We’renotbrothersandsisters,”shesaidimpatiently,“andifwecan’tdecide,whocan?I’mnottalkingnonsense,”sheproceeded.“I’vedonemybesttothinkthisoutfromeverypointofview,andI’vecometotheconclusionthatthereareriskswhichhavetobetaken,—thoughIdon’tdenythattheyhurthorribly.” “Katharine,youmind?You’llmindtoomuch.” “NoIshan’t,”shesaidstoutly.“Ishallmindagooddeal,butI’mpreparedforthatIshallgetthroughit,becauseyouwillhelpme.You’llbothhelpme.Infact,we’llhelpeachother.That’saChristiandoctrine,isn’tit?” “ItsoundsmorelikePaganismtome,”Rodneygroaned,ashereviewedthesituationintowhichherChristiandoctrinewasplungingthem. Andyethecouldnotdenythatadivinereliefpossessedhim,andthatthefuture,insteadofwearingalead-coloredmask,nowblossomedwithathousandvariedgaietiesandexcitements.HewasactuallytoseeCassandrawithinaweekorperhapsless,andhewasmoreanxioustoknowthedateofherarrivalthanhecouldowneventohimself.ItseemedbasetobesoanxioustopluckthisfruitofKatharine’sunexampledgenerosityandofhisowncontemptiblebaseness.Andyet,thoughheusedthesewordsautomatically,theyhadnownomeaning.Hewasnotdebasedinhisowneyesbywhathehaddone,andasforpraisingKatharine,weretheynotpartners,conspirators,peoplebentuponthesamequesttogether,sothattopraisethepursuitofacommonendasanactofgenerositywasmeaningless.Hetookherhandandpressedit,notinthankssomuchasinanecstasyofcomradeship. “Wewillhelpeachother,”hesaid,repeatingherwords,seekinghereyesinanenthusiasmoffriendship. Hereyesweregravebutdarkwithsadnessastheyrestedonhim.“He’salreadygone,”shethought,“faraway—hethinksofmenomore.”Andthefancycametoherthat,astheysatsidebyside,handinhand,shecouldheartheearthpouringfromabovetomakeabarrierbetweenthem,sothat,astheysat,theywereseparatedsecondbysecondbyanimpenetrablewall.Theprocess,whichaffectedherasthatofbeingsealedawayandforeverfromallcompanionshipwiththepersonshecaredformost,cametoanendatlast,andbycommonconsenttheyunclaspedtheirfingers,Rodneytouchingherswithhislips,asthecurtainparted,andMrs.HilberypeeredthroughtheopeningwithherbenevolentandsarcasticexpressiontoaskwhetherKatharinecouldrememberwasitTuesdayorWednesday,anddidshedineinWestminster? “DearestWilliam,”shesaid,pausing,asifshecouldnotresistthepleasureofencroachingforaseconduponthiswonderfulworldofloveandconfidenceandromance.“Dearestchildren,”sheadded,disappearingwithanimpulsivegesture,asifsheforcedherselftodrawthecurtainuponascenewhichsherefusedalltemptationtointerrupt.