CHAPTER XXIV

stbrow,whileitquickensthelightoftheeyesitisapursuitwhichisalternatelybewildering,debasing,andexalting,and,asKatharinespeedilyfound,herdiscoveriesgaveherequalcauseforsurprise,shame,andintenseanxiety.Muchdepended,asusual,upontheinterpretationofthewordlovewhichwordcameupagainandagain,whethersheconsideredRodney,Denham,MaryDatchet,orherselfandineachcaseitseemedtostandforsomethingdifferent,andyetforsomethingunmistakableandsomethingnottobepassedby.Forthemoreshelookedintotheconfusionofliveswhich,insteadofrunningparallel,hadsuddenlyintersectedeachother,themoredistinctlysheseemedtoconvinceherselfthattherewasnootherlightonthemthanwasshedbythisstrangeillumination,andnootherpathsavetheoneuponwhichitthrewitsbeams.HerblindnessinthecaseofRodney,herattempttomatchhistruefeelingwithherfalsefeeling,wasafailurenevertobesufficientlycondemnedindeed,shecouldonlypayitthetributeofleavingitablackandnakedlandmarkunburiedbyattemptatoblivionorexcuse. Withthistohumiliatetherewasmuchtoexalt.ShethoughtofthreedifferentscenesshethoughtofMarysittinguprightandsaying,“I’minlove—I’minlove”shethoughtofRodneylosinghisself-consciousnessamongthedeadleaves,andspeakingwiththeabandonmentofachildshethoughtofDenhamleaninguponthestoneparapetandtalkingtothedistantsky,sothatshethoughthimmad.Hermind,passingfromMarytoDenham,fromWilliamtoCassandra,andfromDenhamtoherself—if,assheratherdoubted,Denham’sstateofmindwasconnectedwithherself—seemedtobetracingoutthelinesofsomesymmetricalpattern,somearrangementoflife,whichinvested,ifnotherself,atleasttheothers,notonlywithinterest,butwithakindoftragicbeauty.Shehadafantasticpictureofthemupholdingsplendidpalacesupontheirbentbacks.Theywerethelantern-bearers,whoselights,scatteredamongthecrowd,woveapattern,dissolving,joining,meetingagainincombination.HalfformingsuchconceptionsastheseinherrapidwalkalongthedrearystreetsofSouthKensington,shedeterminedthat,whateverelsemightbeobscure,shemustfurthertheobjectsofMary,Denham,William,andCassandra.Thewaywasnotapparent.Nocourseofactionseemedtoherindubitablyright.Allsheachievedbyherthinkingwastheconvictionthat,insuchacause,noriskwastoogreatandthat,farfrommakinganyrulesforherselforothers,shewouldletdifficultiesaccumulateunsolved,situationswidentheirjawsunsatiated,whileshemaintainedapositionofabsoluteandfearlessindependence.Soshecouldbestservethepeoplewholoved. Readinthelightofthisexaltation,therewasanewmeaninginthewordswhichhermotherhadpencileduponthecardattachedtothebunchofanemones.ThedoorofthehouseintheCromwellRoadopenedgloomyvistasofpassageandstaircasewererevealedsuchlightastherewasseemedtobeconcentrateduponasilversalverofvisiting-cards,whoseblackborderssuggestedthatthewidow’sfriendshadallsufferedthesamebereavement.Theparlor-maidcouldhardlybeexpectedtofathomthemeaningofthegravetoneinwhichtheyoungladyprofferedtheflowers,withMrs.Hilbery’sloveandthedoorshutupontheoffering. Thesightofaface,theslamofadoor,arebothratherdestructiveofexaltationintheabstractand,asshewalkedbacktoChelsea,Katharinehadherdoubtswhetheranythingwouldcomeofherresolves.Ifyoucannotmakesureofpeople,however,youcanholdfairlyfasttofigures,andinsomewayorotherherthoughtaboutsuchproblemsasshewaswonttoconsiderworkedinhappilywithhermoodastoherfriends’lives.Shereachedhomeratherlatefortea. OntheancientDutchchestinthehallsheperceivedoneortwohats,coats,andwalking-sticks,andthesoundofvoicesreachedherasshestoodoutsidethedrawing-roomdoor.HermothergavealittlecryasshecameinacrywhichconveyedtoKatharinethefactthatshewaslate,thattheteacupsandmilk-jugswereinaconspiracyofdisobedience,andthatshemustimmediatelytakeherplaceattheheadofthetableandpouroutteafortheguests.AugustusPelham,thediarist,likedacalmatmosphereinwhichtotellhisstorieshelikedattentionhelikedtoelicitlittlefacts,littlestories,aboutthepastandthegreatdead,fromsuchdistinguishedcharactersasMrs.Hilberyforthenourishmentofhisdiary,forwhosesakehefrequentedtea-tablesandateyearlyanenormousquantityofbutteredtoast.He,therefore,welcomedKatharinewithrelief,andshehadmerelytoshakehandswithRodneyandtogreettheAmericanladywhohadcometobeshowntherelics,beforethetalkstartedagainonthebroadlinesofreminiscenceanddiscussionwhichwerefamiliartoher. Yet,evenwiththisthickveilbetweenthem,shecouldnothelplookingatRodney,asifshecoulddetectwhathadhappenedtohimsincetheymet.Itwasinvain.Hisclothes,eventhewhiteslip,thepearlinhistie,seemedtointerceptherquickglance,andtoproclaimthefutilityofsuchinquiriesofadiscreet,urbanegentleman,whobalancedhiscupofteaandpoisedasliceofbreadandbutterontheedgeofthesaucer.Hewouldnotmeethereye,butthatcouldbeaccountedforbyhisactivityinservingandhelping,andthepolitealacritywithwhichhewasansweringthequestionsoftheAmericanvisitor. Itwascertainlyasighttodauntanyonecominginwithaheadfulloftheoriesaboutlove.Thevoicesoftheinvisiblequestionerswerereinforcedbythesceneroundthetable,andsoundedwithatremendousself-confidence,asiftheyhadbehindthemthecommonsenseoftwentygenerations,togetherwiththeimmediateapprovalofMr.AugustusPelham,Mrs.VermontBankes,WilliamRodney,and,possibly,Mrs.Hilberyherself.Katharinesetherteeth,notentirelyinthemetaphoricalsense,forherhand,obeyingtheimpulsetowardsdefiniteaction,laidfirmlyuponthetablebesideheranenvelopewhichshehadbeengraspingallthistimeincompleteforgetfulness.Theaddresswasuppermost,andamomentlatershesawWilliam’seyerestuponitasherosetofulfilsomedutywithaplate.Hisexpressioninstantlychanged.Hedidwhathewasonthepointofdoing,andthenlookedatKatharinewithalookwhichrevealedenoughofhisconfusiontoshowherthathewasnotentirelyrepresentedbyhisappearance.InaminuteortwoheprovedhimselfatalosswithMrs.VermontBankes,andMrs.Hilbery,awareofthesilencewithherusualquickness,suggestedthat,perhaps,itwasnowtimethatMrs.Bankesshouldbeshown“ourthings.” Katharineaccordinglyrose,andledthewaytothelittleinnerroomwiththepicturesandthebooks.Mrs.BankesandRodneyfollowedher. Sheturnedonthelights,andbegandirectlyinherlow,pleasantvoice:“Thistableismygrandfather’swriting-table.Mostofthelaterpoemswerewrittenatit.Andthisishispen—thelastpenheeverused.”Shetookitinherhandandpausedfortherightnumberofseconds.“Here,”shecontinued,“istheoriginalmanuscriptofthe‘OdetoWinter.’Theearlymanuscriptsarefarlesscorrectedthanthelaterones,asyouwillseedirectly....Oh,dotakeityourself,”sheadded,asMrs.Bankesasked,inanawestrucktoneofvoice,forthatprivilege,andbeganapreliminaryunbuttoningofherwhitekidgloves. “Youarewonderfullylikeyourgrandfather,MissHilbery,”theAmericanladyobserved,gazingfromKatharinetotheportrait,“especiallyabouttheeyes.Come,now,Iexpectshewritespoetryherself,doesn’tshe?”sheaskedinajoculartone,turningtoWilliam.“Quiteone’sidealofapoet,isitnot,Mr.Rodney?IcannottellyouwhataprivilegeIfeelittobestandingjustherewiththepoet’sgranddaughter.YoumustknowwethinkagreatdealofyourgrandfatherinAmerica,MissHilbery.Wehavesocietiesforreadinghimaloud.What!Hisveryownslippers!”Layingasidethemanuscript,shehastilygraspedtheoldshoes,andremainedforamomentdumbincontemplationofthem. WhileKatharinewentonsteadilywithherdutiesasshow-woman,Rodneyexaminedintentlyarowoflittledrawingswhichheknewbyheartalready.Hisdisorderedstateofmindmadeitnecessaryforhimtotakeadvantageoftheselittlerespites,asifhehadbeenoutinahighwindandmuststraightenhisdressinthefirstshelterhereached.Hiscalmwasonlysuperficial,asheknewtoowellitdidnotexistmuchbelowthesurfaceoftie,waistcoat,andwhiteslip. Ongettingoutofbedthatmorninghehadfullymadeuphismindtoignorewhathadbeensaidthenightbeforehehadbeenconvinced,bythesightofDenham,thathisloveforKatharinewaspassionate,andwhenheaddressedherearlythatmorningonthetelephone,hehadmeanthischeerfulbutauthoritativetonestoconveytoherthefactthat,afteranightofmadness,theywereasindissolublyengagedasever.Butwhenhereachedhisofficehistormentsbegan.HefoundaletterfromCassandrawaitingforhim.Shehadreadhisplay,andhadtakentheveryfirstopportunitytowriteandtellhimwhatshethoughtofit.Sheknew,shewrote,thatherpraisemeantabsolutelynothingbutstill,shehadsatupallnightshethoughtthis,that,andtheothershewasfullofenthusi