CHAPTER V

Ingeborgspentmostofthenightonahardchairatherbedroomwindowearnestlyendeavouringtothink. Itwasveryunfortunate,butshefoundanimmensedifficultyatalltimesinthinking.Shecouldkeepherfather'saffairsintheneatestorder,butnotherownthoughts.Thereweresomanyofthem,andtheyallseemedtojumpaboutinsideherandwanttogetthoughtfirst.Theywouldnotgointoorderedrows.Theyhadnopatience.Oftenshehadsuspectedtheywerenotthoughtsatallbutjustfeelings,andthatdepressedher,foritmadeherdrop,shefeared,totheleveloftheinsectworldandenterthecategoryofthingsthatwerenotgoingtobeabletogettoheavenandtoabishop'sdaughterthiswasdisquieting.Mostofherthoughtsshewasimmediatelysorryfor,theyweresounlikeanythingshecould,withpropriety,sayoutloudathome.ToHerrDremmelshehadbeenabletosaythemallasfarasspeech,alimpingvehicle,couldbemadetogo,andthiswasanotherofhisrefreshingqualities.Shedidnotofcourseknowofthatabsorbedman'shabitoflisteningtoherwithonlyoneear—abenevolentear,butonlyone—whilewiththeother,turnedinwards,helistenedtotheworkingoutinhismindofproblemsinChilisaltpetreandsuper-phosphates. Shesatstaringoutofthewindowatthestarsandchimney-pots,herhandsheldtightlyinherlap,andtoldherselfthatthemomenthadcomeforclear,consecutivethought—consecutivethought,sherepeatedseverely,awarealreadyoftheinterlaceddancinggoingoninherbrain.WhatwasshegoingtodoaboutHerrDremmel?Aboutgoinghome?About—oh,aboutanything? TheyhadcomedowntheRigisoberlyandinthetrain.Nobody,asusual,spoketothem,andforthefirsttimeintheirfriendshipneitherhadtheyspokentoeachother.Theyhadhadaspeechlessdinner.Hehadlookedpreoccupied.Andwhendirectlyafteritshesaidgoodnight,hehaddrawnheroutintothepassageandsolemnlyadjuredher,whilethehall-porterpretendedhewasoutofear-shot,tohavedonewithprevarications.Whathewouldsuggest,hesaid,wasacomfortablebetrothalnextdayitwastoolateforonethatnight,hesaid,pullingouthiswatch,butnextdayandassheretreatedsidewaysstepbystepupthestairs,silentthroughaninabilityimmediatelytofindananswerthatseemedtactfulenough,hehadeyedherveryseverelyandinquiredofherwitharaisedvoicewhat,then,theadowasallabout.Shehadturnedatthat,givingupthesearchfortact,andhadrunuptheremainingstairsratherbreathlessly,feelingthatHerrDremmelonmarriagehadanengulfingqualityandhe,afteramoment'sperplexityonthematatthebottom,hadgonetothereading-roomabaffledman. Nowshesatatthewindowconsidering. Herjourneyhomewasonlytwodaysoff,andthethoughtofwhatwouldbesaidtoherwhenshegotthereandofwhatheranswerswouldbelike,randownthebackofherneckandspineasthoughsomeoneweredrawingalight,ice-coldfingerovertheshrinkingskin.ShehadbeenpersuadingherselfthatherlittleholidaywasharmlessandnaturalandnowthisbusinesswithHerrDremmelwould,shefelt,doawaywithallthat,andjustifyawrathinherfatherthatshemight,elseforherprivatesolaceandencouragement,havelookeduponasun