CHAPTER XXXVII

Margaretboltedthedoorontheinside.Thenshewouldhavekissedhersister,butHelen,inadignifiedvoice,thatcamestrangelyfromher,said: “Convenient!Youdidnottellmethatthebookswereunpacked.IhavefoundnearlyeverythingthatIwant.” “Itoldyounothingthatwastrue.” “Ithasbeenagreatsurprise,certainly.HasAuntJuleybeenill?” “Helen,youwouldn’tthinkI’dinventthat?” “Isupposenot,”saidHelen,turningaway,andcryingaverylittle.“Butonelosesfaithineverythingafterthis.” “Wethoughtitwasillness,buteventhen—Ihaven’tbehavedworthily.” Helenselectedanotherbook. “Ioughtnottohaveconsultedanyone.Whatwouldourfatherhavethoughtofme?” Shedidnotthinkofquestioninghersister,orofrebukingher.Bothmightbenecessaryinthefuture,butshehadfirsttopurgeagreatercrimethananythatHelencouldhavecommitted—thatwantofconfidencethatistheworkofthedevil. “Yes,Iamannoyed,”repliedHelen.“Mywishesshouldhavebeenrespected.Iwouldhavegonethroughthismeetingifitwasnecessary,butafterAuntJuleyrecovered,itwasnotnecessary.Planningmylife,asInowhavetodo.” “Comeawayfromthosebooks,”calledMargaret.“Helen,dotalktome.” “IwasjustsayingthatIhavestoppedlivinghaphazard.Onecan’tgothroughagreatdealof—”—sheleftoutthenoun—“withoutplanningone’sactionsinadvance.IamgoingtohaveachildinJune,andinthefirstplaceconversations,discussions,excitement,arenotgoodforme.Iwillgothroughthemifnecessary,butonlythen.InthesecondplaceIhavenorighttotroublepeople.IcannotfitinwithEnglandasIknowit.IhavedonesomethingthattheEnglishneverpardon.Itwouldnotberightforthemtopardonit.SoImustlivewhereIamnotknown.” “Butwhydidn’tyoutellme,dearest?” “Yes,”repliedHelenjudicially.“Imighthave,butdecidedtowait.” “Ibelieveyouwouldneverhavetoldme.” “Ohyes,Ishould.WehavetakenaflatinMunich.” Margaretglancedoutofthewindow. “By‘we’ImeanmyselfandMonica.Butforher,Iamandhavebeenandalwayswishtobealone.” “IhavenotheardofMonica.” “Youwouldn’thave.She’sanItalian—bybirthatleast.Shemakesherlivingbyjournalism.ImetheroriginallyonGarda.Monicaismuchthebestpersontoseemethrough.” “Youareveryfondofher,then.” “Shehasbeenextraordinarilysensiblewithme.” MargaretguessedatMonica’stype—“ItalianoInglesiato”theyhadnamedit—thecrudefeministoftheSouth,whomonerespectsbutavoids.AndHelenhadturnedtoitinherneed! “Youmustnotthinkthatweshallnevermeet,”saidHelen,withameasuredkindness.“Ishallalwayshavearoomforyouwhenyoucanbespared,andthelongeryoucanbewithmethebetter.Butyouhaven’tunderstoodyet,Meg,andofcourseitisverydifficultforyou.Thisisashocktoyou.Itisn’ttome,whohavebeenthinkingoverourfuturesformanymonths,andtheywon’tbechangedbyaslightcontretemps,suchasthis.IcannotliveinEngland.” “Helen,you’venotforgivenmeformytreachery.YouCOULDN’Ttalklikethistomeifyouhad.” “Oh,Megdear,whydowetalkatall?”Shedroppedabookandsighedwearily.Then,recoveringherself,shesaid:“Tellme,howisitthatallthebooksaredownhere?” “Seriesofmistakes.” “Andagreatdealoffurniturehasbeenunpacked.” “All.”