CHAPTER IV

on,butithurthimtomakeit,andIstoppedhim.Thenhesaid,‘Imustbegyourpardonoverthis,MissSchlegelIcan’tthinkwhatcameovermelastnight.’AndIsaid,‘Norwhatovermenevermind.’Andthenweparted—atleast,untilIrememberedthatIhadwrittenstraightofftotellyouthenightbefore,andthatfrightenedhimagain.Iaskedhimtosendatelegramforme,forheknewyouwouldbecomingorsomethingandhetriedtogetholdofthemotor,butCharlesandMr.WilcoxwantedittogotothestationandCharlesofferedtosendthetelegramforme,andthenIhadtosaythatthetelegramwasofnoconsequence,forPaulsaidCharlesmightreadit,andthoughIwroteitoutseveraltimes,healwayssaidpeoplewouldsuspectsomething.Hetookithimselfatlast,pretendingthathemustwalkdowntogetcartridges,and,whatwithonethingandtheother,itwasnothandedinatthepost-officeuntiltoolate.Itwasthemostterriblemorning.Pauldislikedmemoreandmore,andEvietalkedcricketaveragestillInearlyscreamed.IcannotthinkhowIstoodheralltheotherdays.AtlastCharlesandhisfatherstartedforthestation,andthencameyourtelegramwarningmethatAuntJuleywascomingbythattrain,andPaul—oh,ratherhorrible—saidthatIhadmuddledit.ButMrs.Wilcoxknew.” “Knewwhat?” “Everythingthoughweneitherofustoldheraword,andshehadknownallalong,Ithink.” “Oh,shemusthaveoverheardyou.” “Isupposeso,butitseemedwonderful.WhenCharlesandAuntJuleydroveup,callingeachothernames,Mrs.Wilcoxsteppedinfromthegardenandmadeeverythinglessterrible.Ugh!butithasbeenadisgustingbusiness.Tothinkthat—”Shesighed. “Tothinkthatbecauseyouandayoungmanmeetforamoment,theremustbeallthesetelegramsandanger,”suppliedMargaret. Helennodded. “I’veoftenthoughtaboutit,Helen.It’soneofthemostinterestingthingsintheworld.ThetruthisthatthereisagreatouterlifethatyouandIhavenevertouched—alifeinwhichtelegramsandangercount.Personalrelations,thatwethinksupreme,arenotsupremethere.Therelovemeansmarriagesettlements,death,deathduties.SofarI’mclear.Butheremydifficulty.Thisouterlife,thoughobviouslyhorridoftenseemstherealone—there’sgritinit.Itdoesbreedcharacter.Dopersonalrelationsleadtosloppinessintheend?” “Oh,Meg—,that’swhatIfelt,onlynotsoclearly,whentheWilcoxesweresocompetent,andseemedtohavetheirhandsonalltheropes.” “Don’tyoufeelitnow?” “IrememberPaulatbreakfast,”saidHelenquietly.“Ishallneverforgethim.Hehadnothingtofallbackupon.Iknowthatpersonalrelationsarethereallife,foreverandever.” “Amen!” SotheWilcoxepisodefellintothebackground,leavingbehinditmemoriesofsweetnessandhorrorthatmingled,andthesisterspursuedthelifethatHelenhadcommended.Theytalkedtoeachotherandtootherpeople,theyfilledthetallthinhouseatWickhamPlacewiththosewhomtheylikedorcouldbefriend.Theyevenattendedpublicmeetings.Inth