CHAPTER IV

andhebecamepassionate.Deepdowninhimsomethingwhispered,“Thisgirlwouldletyoukissheryoumightnothavesuchachanceagain.” Thatwas“howithappened,”or,rather,howHelendescribedittohersister,usingwordsevenmoreunsympatheticthanmyown.Butthepoetryofthatkiss,thewonderofit,themagicthattherewasinlifeforhoursafterit—whocandescribethat?ItissoeasyforanEnglishmantosneeratthesechancecollisionsofhumanbeings.Totheinsularcynicandtheinsularmoralisttheyofferanequalopportunity.Itissoeasytotalkof“passingemotion,”andtoforgethowvividtheemotionwasereitpassed.Ourimpulsetosneer,toforget,isatrootagoodone.Werecognisethatemotionisnotenough,andthatmenandwomenarepersonalitiescapableofsustainedrelations,notmereopportunitiesforanelectricaldischarge.Yetweratetheimpulsetoohighly.Wedonotadmitthatbycollisionsofthistrivialsortthedoorsofheavenmaybeshakenopen.ToHelen,atallevents,herlifewastobringnothingmoreintensethantheembraceofthisboywhoplayednopartinit.Hehaddrawnheroutofthehouse,wheretherewasdangerofsurpriseandlighthehadledherbyapathheknew,untiltheystoodunderthecolumnofthevastwych-elm.Amaninthedarkness,hehadwhispered“Iloveyou”whenshewasdesiringlove.Intimehisslenderpersonalityfaded,thescenethathehadevokedendured.Inallthevariableyearsthatfollowedsheneversawthelikeofitagain. “Iunderstand,”saidMargaret—“atleast,Iunderstandasmuchaseverisunderstoodofthesethings.TellmenowwhathappenedontheMondaymorning.” “Itwasoveratonce.” “How,Helen?” “IwasstillhappywhileIdressed,butasIcamedownstairsIgotnervous,andwhenIwentintothedining-roomIknewitwasnogood.TherewasEvie—Ican’texplain—managingthetea-urn,andMr.WilcoxreadingtheTimes.” “WasPaulthere?” “YesandCharleswastalkingtohimaboutstocksandshares,andhelookedfrightened.” Byslightindicationsthesisterscouldconveymuchtoeachother.Margaretsawhorrorlatentinthescene,andHelen’snextremarkdidnotsurpriseher. “Somehow,whenthatkindofmanlooksfrighteneditistooawful.Itisallrightforustobefrightened,orformenofanothersort—father,forinstancebutformenlikethat!WhenIsawalltheotherssoplacid,andPaulmadwithterrorincaseIsaidthewrongthing,IfeltforamomentthatthewholeWilcoxfamilywasafraud,justawallofnewspapersandmotor-carsandgolf-clubs,andthatifitfellIshouldfindnothingbehinditbutpanicandemptiness.” “Idon’tthinkthat.TheWilcoxesstruckmeasbeinggenuinepeople,particularlythewife.” “No,Idon’treallythinkthat.ButPaulwassobroad-shoulderedallkindsofextraordinarythingsmadeitworse,andIknewthatitwouldneverdo—never.Isaidtohimafterbreakfast,whentheotherswerepractisingstrokes,‘Weratherlostourheads,’andhelookedbetteratonce,thoughfrightfullyashamed.Hebeganaspeechabouthavingnomoneytomarry