CHAPTER II MURDERING THE INNOCENTS

ustnothavequadrupedsrepresenteduponwalls.Youmustuse,’saidthegentleman,‘forallthesepurposes,combinationsandmodifications(inprimarycolours)ofmathematicalfigureswhicharesusceptibleofproofanddemonstration.Thisisthenewdiscovery.Thisisfact.Thisistaste.’ Thegirlcurtseyed,andsatdown.Shewasveryyoung,andshelookedasifshewerefrightenedbythematter-of-factprospecttheworldafforded. ‘Now,ifMr.M’Choakumchild,’saidthegentleman,‘willproceedtogivehisfirstlessonhere,Mr.Gradgrind,Ishallbehappy,atyourrequest,toobservehismodeofprocedure.’ Mr.Gradgrindwasmuchobliged.‘Mr.M’Choakumchild,weonlywaitforyou.’ So,Mr.M’Choakumchildbeganinhisbestmanner.Heandsomeonehundredandfortyotherschoolmasters,hadbeenlatelyturnedatthesametime,inthesamefactory,onthesameprinciples,likesomanypianofortelegs.Hehadbeenputthroughanimmensevarietyofpaces,andhadansweredvolumesofhead-breakingquestions.Orthography,etymology,syntax,andprosody,biography,astronomy,geography,andgeneralcosmography,thesciencesofcompoundproportion,algebra,land-surveyingandlevelling,vocalmusic,anddrawingfrommodels,wereallattheendsofhistenchilledfingers.HehadworkedhisstonywayintoHerMajesty’smostHonourablePrivyCouncil’sScheduleB,andhadtakenthebloomoffthehigherbranchesofmathematicsandphysicalscience,French,German,Latin,andGreek.HeknewallaboutalltheWaterShedsofalltheworld(whatevertheyare),andallthehistoriesofallthepeoples,andallthenamesofalltheriversandmountains,andalltheproductions,manners,andcustomsofallthecountries,andalltheirboundariesandbearingsonthetwoandthirtypointsofthecompass.Ah,ratheroverdone,M’Choakumchild.Ifhehadonlylearntalittleless,howinfinitelybetterhemighthavetaughtmuchmore! Hewenttoworkinthispreparatorylesson,notunlikeMorgianaintheFortyThieves:lookingintoallthevesselsrangedbeforehim,oneafteranother,toseewhattheycontained.Say,goodM’Choakumchild.Whenfromthyboilingstore,thoushaltfilleachjarbrimfullby-and-by,dostthouthinkthatthouwiltalwayskilloutrighttherobberFancylurkingwithin—orsometimesonlymaimhimanddistorthim!