CHAPTER XXIII

erbenttomeditationandhaplyinspiration—whathadshetodowithlove?“Nothing,”wastheanswerofherownsad,thoughgentlecountenanceitseemedtosay,“Imustcultivatefortitudeandclingtopoetryoneistobemysupportandtheothermysolacethroughlife.Humanaffectionsdonotbloom,nordohumanpassionsglowforme.”Otherwomenhavesuchthoughts.Frances,hadshebeenasdesolateasshedeemed,wouldnothavebeenworseoffthanthousandsofhersex.Lookattherigidandformalraceofoldmaids—theracewhomalldespisetheyhavefedthemselves,fromyouthupwards,onmaximsofresignationandendurance.Manyofthemgetossifiedwiththedrydietself-controlissocontinuallytheirthought,soperpetuallytheirobject,thatatlastitabsorbsthesofterandmoreagreeablequalitiesoftheirnatureandtheydiemeremodelsofausterity,fashionedoutofalittleparchmentandmuchbone.Anatomistswilltellyouthatthereisaheartinthewitheredoldmaid’scarcass—thesameasinthatofanycherishedwifeorproudmotherintheland.Canthisbeso?Ireallydon’tknowbutfeelinclinedtodoubtit. Icameforward,badeFrances“goodevening,”andtookmyseat.ThechairIhadchosenwasoneshehadprobablyjustleftitstoodbyalittletablewherewereheropendeskandpapers.Iknownotwhethershehadfullyrecognizedmeatfirst,butshedidsonowandinavoice,softbutquiet,shereturnedmygreeting.Ihadshownnoeagernessshetookhercuefromme,andevincednosurprise.Wemetaswehadalwaysmet,asmasterandpupil—nothingmore.IproceededtohandlethepapersFrances,observantandserviceable,steppedintoaninnerroom,broughtacandle,litit,placeditbymethendrewthecurtainoverthelattice,andhavingaddedalittlefreshfueltothealreadybrightfire,shedrewasecondchairtothetableandsatdownatmyrighthand,alittleremoved.ThepaperonthetopwasatranslationofsomegraveFrenchauthorintoEnglish,butunderneathlayasheetwithstanzasonthisIlaidhands.Franceshalfrose,madeamovementtorecoverthecapturedspoil,saying,thatwasnothing—amerecopyofverses.IputbyresistancewiththedecisionIknewsheneverlongopposedbutonthisoccasionherfingershadfastenedonthepaper.Ihadquietlytounloosethemtheirholddissolvedtomytouchherhandshrunkawaymyownwouldfainhavefollowedit,butforthepresentIforbadesuchimpulse.ThefirstpageofthesheetwasoccupiedwiththelinesIhadoverheardthesequelwasnotexactlythewriter’sownexperience,butacompositionbyportionsofthatexperiencesuggested.Thuswhileegotismwasavoided,thefancywasexercised,andtheheartsatisfied.Itranslateasbefore,andmytranslationisnearlyliteralitcontinuedthus:— Whensicknessstay’dawhilemycourse, Heseem’dimpatientstill, Becausehispupil’sflaggingforce Couldnotobeyhiswill. Onedaywhensummonedtothebed WherepainandIdidstrive, Iheardhim,ashebenthishead, Say,“God,shemustrevive!” Ifelthishand,withgentlestress, Amomentlaidonmine, Andwishedtomarkmyconsciousness Bysomeresponsivesign. Butpow’rlessthentospeakormove, Ionlyfelt,within, ThesenseofHope,thestrengthofLove, Theirhealingworkbegin. Andashefromtheroomwithdrew, Myhearthisstepspursued Ilong’dtoprove,byeffortsnew Myspeechlessgratitude. WhenonceagainItookmyplace, Longvacant,intheclass, Th’unfrequentsmileacrosshisface Didforonemomentpass. Thelessonsdonethesignalmade Ofgladreleaseandplay, He,ashepassed,aninstantstay’d, Onekindlywordtosay. “Jane,tillto-morrowyouarefree Fromtedioustaskandrule ThisafternoonImustnotsee Thatyetpalefaceinschool. “Seekinthegarden-shadesaseat, Farfromtheplay-grounddin Thesuniswarm,theairissweet: StaytillIcallyouin.” Alongandpleasantafternoon Ipassedinthosegreenbowers Allsilent,tranquil,andalone Withbirds,andbees,andflowers. Yet,whenmymaster’svoiceIheard Call,fromthewindow,“Jane!” Ientered,joyful,attheword, Thebusyhouseagain. He,inthehall,pacedupanddown HepausedasIpassedby Hisforeheadsternrelaxeditsfrown: Heraisedhisdeep-seteye. “Notquitesopale,”hemurmuredlow. “NowJane,gorestawhile.” AndasIsmiled,hissmoothenedbrow Returnedasgladasmile. Myperfecthealthrestored,hetook Hismienaustereagain And,asbefore,hewouldnotbrook TheslightestfaultfromJane. Thelongesttask,thehardesttheme Felltomyshareaserst, AndstillItoiledtoplacemyname Ineverystudyfirst. Heyetbegrudgedandstintedpraise, ButIhadlearnttoread Thesecretmeaningofhisface, Andthatwasmybestmeed. Evenwhenhishastytemperspoke Intonesthatsorrowstirred, Mygriefwaslulledassoonaswoke Bysomerelentingword. Andwhenhelentsomepreciousbook, Orgavesomefragrantflower, IdidnotquailtoEnvy’slook, UpheldbyPleasure’spower. Atlastourschoolrankstooktheirground, Thehard-foughtfieldIwon Theprize,alaurel-wr