Where I Lived, and What I Lived For

estneighbor,andtobeseenonlyinmoonlessnightsbyhim.SuchwasthatpartofcreationwhereIhadsquatted— “Therewasashepherdthatdidlive, Andheldhisthoughtsashigh Aswerethemountswhereonhisflocks Didhourlyfeedhimby.” Whatshouldwethinkoftheshepherd’slifeifhisflocksalwayswanderedtohigherpasturesthanhisthoughts? Everymorningwasacheerfulinvitationtomakemylifeofequalsimplicity,andImaysayinnocence,withNatureherself.IhavebeenassincereaworshipperofAuroraastheGreeks.Igotupearlyandbathedinthepondthatwasareligiousexercise,andoneofthebestthingswhichIdid.TheysaythatcharacterswereengravenonthebathingtubofkingTching-thangtothiseffect:“Renewthyselfcompletelyeachdaydoitagain,andagain,andforeveragain.”Icanunderstandthat.Morningbringsbacktheheroicages.Iwasasmuchaffectedbythefainthumofamosquitomakingitsinvisibleandunimaginabletourthroughmyapartmentatearliestdawn,whenIwassittingwithdoorandwindowsopen,asIcouldbebyanytrumpetthateversangoffame.ItwasHomer’srequiemitselfanIliadandOdysseyintheair,singingitsownwrathandwanderings.Therewassomethingcosmicalaboutitastandingadvertisement,tillforbidden,oftheeverlastingvigorandfertilityoftheworld.Themorning,whichisthemostmemorableseasonoftheday,istheawakeninghour.Thenthereisleastsomnolenceinusandforanhour,atleast,somepartofusawakeswhichslumbersalltherestofthedayandnight.Littleistobeexpectedofthatday,ifitcanbecalledaday,towhichwearenotawakenedbyourGenius,butbythemechanicalnudgingsofsomeservitor,arenotawakenedbyourownnewly-acquiredforceandaspirationsfromwithin,accompaniedbytheundulationsofcelestialmusic,insteadoffactorybells,andafragrancefillingtheair—toahigherlifethanwefellasleepfromandthusthedarknessbearitsfruit,andproveitselftobegood,nolessthanthelight.Thatmanwhodoesnotbelievethateachdaycontainsanearlier,moresacred,andauroralhourthanhehasyetprofaned,hasdespairedoflife,andispursuingadescendinganddarkeningway.Afterapartialcessationofhissensuouslife,thesoulofman,oritsorgansrather,arereinvigoratedeachday,andhisGeniustriesagainwhatnoblelifeitcanmake.Allmemorableevents,Ishouldsay,transpireinmorningtimeandinamorningatmosphere.TheVedassay,“Allintelligencesawakewiththemorning.”Poetryandart,andthefairestandmostmemorableoftheactionsofmen,datefromsuchanhour.Allpoetsandheroes,likeMemnon,arethechildrenofAurora,andemittheirmusicatsunrise.Tohimwhoseelasticandvigorousthoughtkeepspacewiththesun,thedayisaperpetualmorning.Itmattersnotwhattheclockssayortheattitudesandlaborsofmen.MorningiswhenIamawakeandthereisadawninme.Moralreformistheefforttothrowoffsleep.Whyisitthatmengivesopooranaccountoftheirdayiftheyhavenotbeenslumbering?Theyarenotsuchpoorcalculators.Iftheyhadnotbeenovercomewithdrowsiness,theywouldhaveperformedsomething.Themillionsareawakeenoughforphysicallaborbutonlyoneinamillionisawakeenoughforeffectiveintellectualexertion,onlyoneinahundredmillionstoapoeticordivinelife.Tobeawakeistobealive.Ihaveneveryetmetamanwhowasquiteawake.HowcouldIhavelookedhimintheface? Wemustlearntoreawakenandkeepourselvesawake,notbymechanicalaids,butbyaninfiniteexpectationofthedawn,whichdoesnotforsakeusinoursoundestsleep.Iknowofnomoreencouragingfactthantheunquestionableabilityofmantoelevatehislifebyaconsciousendeavor.Itissomethingtobeabletopaintaparticularpicture,ortocarveastatue,andsotomakeafewobjectsbeautifulbutitisfarmoreglorioustocarveandpainttheveryatmosphereandmediumthroughwhichwelook,whichmorallywecando.Toaffectthequalityoftheday,thatisthehighestofarts.Everymanistaskedtomakehislife,eveninitsdetails,worthyofthecontemplationofhismostelevatedandcriticalhour.Ifwerefused,orratherusedup,suchpaltryinformationasweget,theoracleswoulddistinctlyinformushowthismightbedone. IwenttothewoodsbecauseIwishedtolivedeliberately,tofrontonlytheessentialfactsoflife,andseeifIcouldnotlearnwhatithadtoteach,andnot,whenIcametodie,discoverthatIhadnotlived.Ididnotwishtolivewhatwasnotlife,livingissodearnordidIwishtopractiseresignation,unlessitwasquitenecessary.Iwantedtolivedeepandsuckoutallthemarrowoflife,tolivesosturdilyandSpartan-likeastoputtoroutallthatwasnotlife,tocutabroadswathandshaveclose,todrivelifeintoacorner,andreduceittoitslowestterms,and,ifitprovedtobemean,whythentogetthewholeandgenuinemeannessofit,andpublishitsmeannesstotheworldorifitweresublime,toknowitbyexperience,andbeabletogiveatrueaccountofitinmynextexcursion.Formostmen,itappearstome,areinastrangeuncertaintyaboutit,whetheritisofthedevilorofGod,andhavesomewhathastilyconcludedthatitisthechiefendofmanhereto“glorifyGodandenjoyhimforever.” Stillwelivemeanly,likeantsthoughthefabletellsusthatwewerelongagochangedintomenlikepygmieswefightwithcranesitiserroruponerror,andcloutuponclout,andourbestvirtuehasforitsoccasionasuperfluousandevitablewretchedness.Ourlifeisfritteredawaybydetail.Anhonestmanhashardlyneedtocountmorethanhistenfingers,orinextremecaseshemayaddhistentoes,andlumptherest.Simplicity,simplicity,simplicity!Isay,letyouraffairsbeastwoorthree,andnotahundredorathousandinsteadofamillioncounthalfadozen,andkeepyouraccountsonyourthumbnail.Inthemidstofthischoppingseaofcivilizedlife,sucharethecloudsandstormsandquicksandsandthousand-and-oneitemstobeallowedfor,thatamanhastolive,ifhewouldnotfounderandgotothebottomandnotmakehisportatall,bydeadreckoning,andhemustbeagreatcalculatorindeedwhosucceeds.Simplify,simplify.Insteadofthreemealsaday,ifitbenecessaryeatbutoneinsteadofahundreddishes,fiveandreduceotherthin