Chapter 10

pedcrying.Hewastreatingherexactlyasshehadhoped. “Thatyouandhe—”Hesmiledbitterlyatthethoughtofthemtogether.Herewasthecruelantiquemaliceofthegods,suchastheyoncesentforthagainstPasiphae.Centuriesofaspirationandculture—andtheworldcouldnotescapeit.“Iwasgoingtosay—whateverhaveyougotincommon?” “Nothingexceptthetimeswehaveseeneachother.”Againherfacewascrimson.Heturnedhisownfaceaway. “Which—whichtimes?” “ThetimeIthoughtyouweakandheedless,andwentinsteadofyoutogetthebaby.Thatbeganit,asfarasIknowthebeginning.Oritmayhavebegunwhenyoutookustothetheatre,andIsawhimmixedupwithmusicandlight.Butdidn’tunderstandtillthemorning.Thenyouopenedthedoor—andIknewwhyIhadbeensohappy.Afterwards,inthechurch,Iprayedforusallnotforanythingnew,butthatwemightjustbeaswewere—hewiththechildheloved,youandIandHarrietsafeoutoftheplace—andthatImightneverseehimorspeaktohimagain.Icouldhavepulledthroughthen—thethingwasonlycomingnear,likeawreathofsmokeithadn’twrappedmeround.” “Butthroughmyfault,”saidPhilipsolemnly,“heispartedfromthechildheloves.Andbecausemylifewasindangeryoucameandsawhimandspoketohimagain.”Forthethingwasevengreaterthansheimagined.Nobodybuthimselfwouldeverseerounditnow.Andtoseeroundithewasstandingatanimmensedistance.Hecouldevenbegladthatshehadonceheldthebelovedinherarms. “Don’ttalkof‘faults.’You’remyfriendforever,Mr.Herriton,Ithink.Onlydon’tbecharitableandshiftortaketheblame.GetoversupposingI’mrefined.That’swhatpuzzlesyou.Getoverthat.” Ashespokesheseemedtobetransfigured,andtohaveindeednopartwithrefinementorunrefinementanylonger.Outofthiswrecktherewasrevealedtohimsomethingindestructible—somethingwhichshe,whohadgivenit,couldnevertakeaway. “Isayagain,don’tbecharitable.Ifhehadaskedme,Imighthavegivenmyselfbodyandsoul.Thatwouldhavebeentheendofmyrescueparty.Butallthroughhetookmeforasuperiorbeing—agoddess.Iwhowasworshippingeveryinchofhim,andeverywordhespoke.Andthatsavedme.” Philip’seyeswerefixedontheCampanileofAirolo.ButhesawinsteadthefairmythofEndymion.Thiswomanwasagoddesstotheend.Forhernolovecouldbedegrading:shestoodoutsidealldegradation.Thisepisode,whichshethoughtsosordid,andwhichwassotragicforhim,remainedsupremelybeautiful.Tosuchaheightwashelifted,thatwithoutregrethecouldnowhavetoldherthathewasherworshippertoo.Butwhatwastheuseoftellingher?Forallthewonderfulthingshadhappened. “Thankyou,”wasallthathepermittedhimself.“Thankyouforeverything.” Shelookedathimwithgreatfriendliness,forhehadmadeherlifeendurable.AtthatmomentthetrainenteredtheSanGothardtunnel.TheyhurriedbacktothecarriagetoclosethewindowslestthesmutsshouldgetintoHarriet’seyes.