Chapter 4

Theadvanceofregretcanbesogradualthatitisimpossibletosay“yesterdayIwashappy,todayIamnot.”AtnoonemomentdidLiliarealizethathermarriagewasafailureyetduringthesummerandautumnshebecameasunhappyasitwaspossibleforhernaturetobe.Shehadnounkindtreatment,andfewunkindwords,fromherhusband.Hesimplyleftheralone.Inthemorninghewentouttodo“business,”which,asfarasshecoulddiscover,meantsittingintheFarmacia.Heusuallyreturnedtolunch,afterwhichheretiredtoanotherroomandslept.Intheeveninghegrewvigorousagain,andtooktheairontheramparts,oftenhavinghisdinnerout,andseldomreturningtillmidnightorlater.Therewere,ofcourse,thetimeswhenhewasawayaltogether—atEmpoli,Siena,Florence,Bologna—forhedelightedintravel,andseemedtopickupfriendsalloverthecountry.Liliaoftenheardwhatafavoritehewas. Shebegantoseethatshemustassertherself,butshecouldnotseehow.Herself-confidence,whichhadoverthrownPhilip,hadgraduallyoozedaway.Ifsheleftthestrangehousetherewasthestrangelittletown.Ifsheweretodisobeyherhusbandandwalkinthecountry,thatwouldbestrangerstill—vastslopesofolivesandvineyards,withchalk-whitefarms,andinthedistanceotherslopes,withmoreolivesandmorefarms,andmorelittletownsoutlinedagainstthecloudlesssky.“Idon’tcallthiscountry,”shewouldsay.“Why,it’snotaswildasSawstonPark!”And,indeed,therewasscarcelyatouchofwildnessinit—someofthoseslopeshadbeenundercultivationfortwothousandyears.Butitwasterribleandmysteriousallthesame,anditscontinuedpresencemadeLiliasouncomfortablethatsheforgothernatureandbegantoreflect. Shereflectedchieflyabouthermarriage.Theceremonyhadbeenhastyandexpensive,andtherites,whatevertheywere,werenotthoseoftheChurchofEngland.Liliahadnoreligioninherbutforhoursatatimeshewouldbeseizedwithavulgarfearthatshewasnot“marriedproperly,”andthathersocialpositioninthenextworldmightbeasobscureasitwasinthis.Itmightbesafertodothethingthoroughly,andonedayshetooktheadviceofSpiridioneandjoinedtheRomanCatholicChurch,orasshecalledit,“SantaDeodata’s.”Ginoapprovedhe,too,thoughtitsafer,anditwasfunconfessing,thoughthepriestwasastupidoldman,andthewholethingwasagoodslapinthefaceforthepeopleathome. Thepeopleathometooktheslapverysoberlyindeed,therewerefewleftforhertogiveitto.TheHerritonswereoutofthequestiontheywouldnotevenletherwritetoIrma,thoughIrmawasoccasionallyallowedtowritetoher.Mrs.Theobaldwasrapidlysubsidingintodotage,and,asfarasshecouldbedefiniteaboutanything,haddefinitelysidedwiththeHerritons.AndMissAbbottdidlikewise.NightafternightdidLiliacursethisfalsefriend,whohadagreedwithherthatthemarriagewould“do,”andthattheHerritonswouldcomeroundtoit,andthen,atthefirsthintofopposition,hadfledbacktoEnglandshriekinganddistraught.MissAbbottheadedthelonglistofthosewhoshouldneverbewrittento,andwhoshouldneverbeforgiven.AlmosttheonlypersonwhowasnotonthatlistwasMr.Kingcroft,whohadunexpectedlysentanaffectionateandinquiringletter.HewasquitesurenevertocrosstheChannel,andLiliadrewfreelyonherfancyinthereply. AtfirstshehadseenafewEnglishpeople,forMonterianowasnottheendoftheearth.Oneortwoinquisitiveladies,whohadheardathomeofherquarrelwiththeHerritons,cametocall.Shewasverysprightly,andtheythoughtherquiteunconventional,andGinoacharmingboy,soallthatwastothegood.ButbyMaytheseason,suchasitwas,hadfinished,andtherewouldbenoonetillnextspring.AsMrs.Herritonhadoftenobserved,Liliahadnoresources.Shedidnotlikemusic,orreading,orwork.Heronequalificationforlifewasratherblowsyhighspirits,whichturnedquerulousorboist