Chapter XXXIII

awing-roomwindowIthoughtyou’dliketoseethemwhenyousatinyourfavouriteplace,reading.” Hetookherfarther,toaplacewhichofferedafineprospectofthesea. “I’veputabenchhere,betweenthosetwotrees,sothatyoumightsitdownsometimes,andlookattheview.” “It’sverykindofyoutobesothoughtful.Shallwesittherenow?” “Oh,Ithinkyou’dbetternot.There’sagooddealofdew,andIdon’twantyoutocatchcold.” FordinnerEdwardhadorderedthedisheswhichheknewBerthapreferred,andhelaughedjoyously,assheexpressedherpleasure.Afterwardswhenshelayonthesofa,hearrangedthecushionssoastomakeherquiteeasy. “Ah,mydear,”shethought,“ifyou’dbeenhalfaskindthreeyearsagoyoumighthavekeptmylove.” Shewonderedwhetherabsencehadincreasedhisaffection,orwhetheritwasshewhohadaltered.Washenotunchangingastherocks,andsheknewherselfunstableaswater,mutableasthesummerwinds.Hadhealwaysbeenkindandconsiderateandhadshe,demandingapassionwhichitwasnotinhimtofeel,beenblindtohisdeeptenderness?Expectingnothingfromhimnow,shewasastonishedtofindhehadsomuchtooffer.Butshefeltsorryifhelovedher,forshecouldgivenothinginreturnbutcompleteindifferenceshewasevensurprisedtofindherselfsoutterlycallous. Atbedtimeshebadehimgood-night,andkissedhischeek. “I’vehadtheredroomarrangedforme,”shesaid. TherewasnochangeinBlackstable.Bertha’sfriendsstilllived,forthedeath-rateofthatfortunateplacewastheirpride,andtheycoulddonothingtoincreaseit.ArthurBrandertonhadmarriedapretty,fair-hairedgirl,nicelybred,andproperlyinsignificantbuttheonlyresultofthatwastogivehismotheranewtopicofconversation.Bertha,resumingheroldhabits,haddifficultyinrealisingthatshehadbeenlongaway.ShesetherselftoforgetGerald,andwaspleasedtofindtherecollectionofhimnottooimportunate.Asentimentalistturnedcynichasobservedthatawomanisonlypassionatelydevotedtoherfirstlover,forafterwardsitisloveitselfofwhichsheisenamouredandcertainlythewoundsoflaterattachmentshealeasily.BerthawasdevoutlygratefultoMissLeyforheropportunereturnonGerald’slastnight,andshudderedtothinkofwhatmightotherwisehavehappened. “Itwouldhavebeentooawful,”shecried. Shecouldnotunderstandwhatsuddenmadnesshadseizedher,andthethoughtofthedangershehadrun,madeBertha’scheekstingle.Herheartturnedsickatthemereremembrance.ShewasthoroughlyashamedofthatinsaneexcursiontoEuston,intentuponthemostdreadfulcourses.Shefeltlikeapersonwhofromthetopofatowerhasbeensohorriblytemptedtothrowhimselfdown,thatonlytherestraininghandofabystanderhassavedhimandthenafterwardsfrombelowshiversandsweatsattheideaofhisperil.Butworsethantheshamewasthedreadofridiculeforthewholeaffairhadbeenexcessivelyundignified:shehadrunafterahobbledehoyyearsyoungerthanherself,andhadevenfallenseriouslyinlovewithhim.Itwastoogrotesque.BerthaimaginedthejoyitmustcauseMissLey.ShecouldnotforgiveGeraldthat,onhisaccount,shehadmadeherselfabsurd.Shesawthathewasafickleboy,preparedtophilanderwitheverywomanhemetandatlasttoldherselfscornfullythatshehadneverreallycaredforhim. ButinalittlewhileBerthareceivedaletterfromAmerica,forwardedbyMissLey.Sheturnedwhiteassherecognisedthehandwriting:theoldemotionscamesurgingback,andshethoughtofGerald’sgreeneyes,andofhisboyishlipsandshefeltsickwithlove.Shelookedatthesuperscription,atthepostmarkandthenputtheletterdown. “Itoldhimnottowrite,”shemurmured. Afeelingofangerseizedherthatthesightofaletter