Chapter XIV

yandnow,openinghereyes,sherefusedtolookuponthenakedfact,butinsistedonseeingonlywhatshewished. Yet,thetruth,elbowingitselfthroughthecrowdofherillusions,tormentedher.ShewasafraidthatEdwardneitherlovedhernorhadeverlovedherandshewavereduncertainlybetweentheoldpassionatedevotionandanew,equallypassionatehatred.Shetoldherselfthatshecouldnotdothingsbyhalvesshemustloveordetest,butineithercase,fiercely.Andnowthechildmadeupforeverything.NowitdidnotmatterifEdwardlovedornot,itnolongerpainedhertorealisehowfoolishhadbeenherhopes,howquicklyheridealhadbeenshattered.Shefeltthattheinfantinehandsofhersonwerealreadybreaking,onebyone,thelinksthatboundhertoherhusband.Whenshedivinedherpregnancy,shegaveacrynotonlyofjoyandpride,butalsoofexultationinherapproachingfreedom. Butwhenthesuspicionwaschangedintoacertainty,herfeelingsveeredroundforheremotionswerealwaysunstableasthelightwindsofApril.Anextremeweaknessmadeherlongforthesupportandsympathyofherhusbandshecouldnothelptellinghim.Inthehatefuldisputeofthatveryday,shehadforcedherselftosaybitterthings,butallthetimeshewishedhimtotakeherinhisarms,sayinghelovedher.Itneededsolittletorekindleherdyingaffectionshewantedhishelpandshecouldnotlivewithouthislove. TheweekswentonandBerthawastouchedtoseeachangeinEdward’sbehaviour,morenoticeableafterhispastindifference.Helookeduponhernowasaninvalid,andassuchentitledtosomeconsiderationhewasreallyverykind-hearted,andduringthistimedideverythingforhiswifethatdidnotinvolveasacrificeofhisownconvenience.Whenthedoctorsuggestedsomedaintytotemptherappetite,EdwardwasdelightedtorideovertoTercanburytofetchitandinherpresencehetrodmoresoftlyandspokeinagentlervoice.AfterawhileheusedtoinsistoncarryingBerthaupanddownstairs,andthoughDr.Ramsayassuredthemitwasaquiteunnecessaryproceeding,BerthawouldnotallowEdwardtogiveitup.Itamusedhertofeelalittlechildinhisstrongarms,andshelovedtonestleagainsthisbreast.Then,withwinter,whenitwastoocoldtodriveout,Berthawouldlieforlonghoursonasofabythewindow,lookingatthelineofelm-trees,nowleaflessagainandmelancholy,watchingtheheavycloudsthatdroveoverfromthesea:herheartwasfullofpeace. OnedayofthenewyearshewassittingasusualatherwindowwhenEdwardcameprancingupthedriveonhorseback.Hestoppedinfrontofherandwavedhiswhip. “Whatd’youthinkofmynewhorse?”hecried. Atthatmomenttheanimalbegantocavort,andbackedintoaflower-bed.“Quiet,oldfellow,”criedEdward.“Nowthen,don’tmakeafussquiet!”Thehorsestoodonitshindlegsandlaiditsearsbackviciously.PresentlyEdw