CHAPTER XXXVIII. CLOUD.

Butitisnotsoforall.Whatthen?Hiswillbedone,asdoneitsurelywillbe,whetherwehumbleourselvestoresignationornot.Theimpulseofcreationforwardsitthestrengthofpowers,seenandunseen,hasitsfulfilmentincharge.Proofofalifetocomemustbegiven.Infireandinblood,ifneedful,mustthatproofbewritten.Infireandinblooddowetracetherecordthroughoutnature.Infireandinblooddoesitcrossourownexperience.Sufferer,faintnotthroughterrorofthisburningevidence.Tiredwayfarer,girdupthyloinslookupward,marchonward.Pilgrimsandbrothermourners,joininfriendlycompany.Darkthroughthewildernessofthisworldstretchesthewayformostofus:equalandsteadybeourtreadbeourcrossourbanner.ForstaffwehaveHispromise,whose“wordistried,whosewayperfect:”forpresenthopeHisprovidence,“whogivestheshieldofsalvation,whosegentlenessmakesgreat”forfinalhomeHisbosom,who“dwellsintheheightofHeaven”forcrowningprizeaglory,exceedingandeternal.Letussorunthatwemayobtain:letusendurehardnessasgoodsoldiersletusfinishourcourse,andkeepthefaith,reliantintheissuetocomeoffmorethanconquerors:“ArtthounotfromeverlastingmineHolyOne?WESHALLNOTDIE!” OnaThursdaymorningwewereallassembledinclasse,waitingforthelessonofliterature.Thehourwascomeweexpectedthemaster. Thepupilsofthefirstclassesatverystillthecleanly-writtencompositionspreparedsincethelastlessonlayreadybeforethem,neatlytiedwithribbon,waitingtobegatheredbythehandoftheProfessorashemadehisrapidroundofthedesks.ThemonthwasJuly,themorningfine,theglass-doorstoodajar,throughitplayedafreshbreeze,andplants,growingatthelintel,waved,bent,lookedin,seemingtowhispertidings. M.Emanuelwasnotalwaysquitepunctualwescarcelywonderedathisbeingalittlelate,butwewonderedwhenthedooratlastopenedand,insteadofhimwithhisswiftnessandhisfire,therecamequietlyuponusthecautiousMadameBeck. SheapproachedM.Paul’sdeskshestoodbeforeitshedrewroundherthelightshawlcoveringhershouldersbeginningtospeakinlow,yetfirmtones,andwithafixedgaze,shesaid,“Thismorningtherewillbenolessonofliterature.” Thesecondparagraphofheraddressfollowed,afterabouttwominutes’pause. “Itisprobablethelessonswillbesuspendedforaweek.IshallrequireatleastthatspaceoftimetofindanefficientsubstituteforM.Emanuel.Meanwhile,itshallbeourstudytofilltheblanksusefully. “YourProfessor,ladies,”shewenton,“intends,ifpossible,dulytotakeleaveofyou.Atthepresentmomenthehasnotleisureforthatceremony.Heispreparingforalongvoyage.Averysuddenandurgentsummonsofdutycallshimtoagreatdistance.HehasdecidedtoleaveEuropeforanindefinitetime.Perhapshemaytellyoumorehimself.Ladies,insteadoftheusuallessonwithM.Emanuel,youwill,thismorning,readEnglishwithMademoiselleLucy.” Shebentherheadcourteously,drewcloserthefoldsofhershawl,andpassedfromtheclasse. Agreatsilencefell:thenamurmurwentroundtheroom:Ibelievesomepupilswept. Sometimeelapsed.Thenoise,thewhispering,theoccasionalsobbingincreased.Ibecameconsciousofarelaxationofdiscipline,asortofgrowingdisorder,asifmygirlsfeltthatvigilancewaswithdrawn,andthatsurveillancehadvirtuallylefttheclasse.Habitandthesenseofdutyenabledmetorallyquickly,toriseinmyusualway,tospeakinmyusualtone,toenjoin,andfinallytoestablishquiet.ImadetheEnglishreadinglongandclose.Ikeptthematitthewholemorning.Irememberfeelingasentimentofimpatiencetowardsthepupilswhosobbed.Indeed,theiremotionwasnotofmuchvalue:itwasonlyanhystericagitation.Itoldthemsounsparingly.Ihalfridiculedthem.Iwassevere.Thetruthwas,Icouldnotdowiththeirtears,orthatgaspingsoundIcouldnotbearit.Aratherweak-minded,low-spiritedpupilkeptitupwhentheothershaddonerelentlessnecessityobligedandassistedmesotoaccosther,thatshedarednotcarryonthedemonstration,thatshewasforcedtoconquertheconvulsion. Thatgirlwouldhavehadarighttohateme,exceptthat,whenschoolwasoverandhercompanionsdeparting,Iorderedhertostay,andwhentheyweregone,IdidwhatIhadneverdonetooneamongthembefore—pressedhertomyheartandkissedhercheek.But,thisimpulseyieldedto,Ispeedilyputheroutoftheclasse,for,uponthatpoignantstrain,sheweptmorebitterlythanever. Ifilledwithoccupationeveryminuteofthatday,andshouldhavelikedtositupallnightifImighthavekeptacandleburningthenight,however,provedabadtime,andleftbadeffects,preparingmeillforthenextday’sordealofinsufferablegossip.Ofcoursethisnewsfellundergeneraldiscussion.Somelittlereservehadaccompaniedthefirstsurprise:thatsoonworeoffeverymouthopenedeverytonguewaggedteachers,pupils,theveryservants,mouthedthenameof“Emanuel.”He,whoseconnectionwiththeschoolwascontemporarywithitscommencement,thussuddenlytowithdraw!Allfeltitstrange. Theytalkedsomuch,solong,sooften,that,outoftheverymultitudeoftheirwordsandrumours,grewatlastsomeintelligence.AboutthethirddayIhearditsaidthathewastosailinaweekthen—thathewasboundfortheWestIndies.IlookedatMadameBeck’sface,andintohereyes,fordisprooforconfirmationofthisreportIperusedheralloverforinformation,butnopartofherdisclosedmorethanwhatwasunperturbedandcommonplace. “Thissecessionwasanimmenselosstoher,”shealleged.“Shedidnotknowhowsheshouldfillupthevacancy.Shewassousedtoherkinsman,hehadbecomeherrighthandwhatshouldshedowithouthim?Shehadopposedthestep,butM.Paulhadconvincedheritwashisduty.” Shesaidallthisinpublic,inclasse,atthedinner-table,speakingaudiblytoZélieSt.Pierre. “Whywasithisduty?”Icouldhaveaskedherthat.Ihadimpulsestotakeholdofhersuddenly,asshecalmlypassedmeinclasse,tostretchoutmyhandandgraspherfast,andsay,“Stop.Letusheartheconclusionofthewholematter.Whyisithisdutytogointobanishment?”ButMadamealwaysaddressedsomeotherteacher,andneverlookedatme,neverseemedconsciousIcouldhaveacareinthequestion. Theweekworeon.NothingmorewassaidaboutM.Emanuelcomingtobidusgood-byandnoneseemedanxiousforhiscomingnonequestionedwhetherornothewouldcomenonebetrayedtormentlestheshoulddepartsilentandunseenincessantlydidtheytalk,andnever,inalltheirtalk,touchedonthisvitalpoint.AstoMadame,sheofcoursecouldseehim,andsaytohimasmuchasshepleased.Whatshouldshecarewhetherornotheappearedintheschoolroom? Theweekconsumed.Weweretoldthathewasgoingonsuchaday,thathisdestinationwas“BasseterreinGuadaloupe:”thebusinesswhichcalledhimabroadrelatedtoafriend’sinterests,nothisown:Ithoughtasmuch. “BasseterreinGuadaloupe.”Ihadlittlesleepaboutthistime,butwheneverIdidslumber,itfollowedinfalliblythatIwasquicklyrousedwithastart,whilethewords“Basseterre,”“Guadaloupe,”seemedpronouncedovermypillow,orranathwartthedarknessroundandbeforeme,inzigzagcharactersofredorvioletlight. ForwhatIfelttherewasnohelp,andhowcouldIhelpfeeling?M.Emanuelhadbeenverykindtomeoflatedayshehadbeengrowinghourlybetterandkinder.Itwasnowamonthsincewehadsettledthetheologicaldifference,andinallthattimetherehadbeennoquarrel.Norhadourpeacebeenthecolddaughterofdivorcewehadnotlivedaloofhehadcomeoftener,hehadtalkedwithmemorethanbeforehehadspenthourswithme,withtempersoothed,witheyecontent,withmannerhome-likeandmild.Kindsubjectsofconversationhadgrownbetweenushehadinquiredintomyplansoflife,andIhadcommunicatedthemtheschoolprojectpleasedhimhemademerepeatitmorethanonce,thoughhecalleditanAlnaschardream.Thejarwasoverthemutualunderstandingwassettlingandfixingfeelingsofunionandhopemadethemselvesprofoundlyfeltintheheartaffectionanddeepesteemanddawningtrusthadeachfasteneditsbond. WhatquietlessonsIhadaboutthistime!Nomoretauntsonmy“intellect,”nomoremenacesofgratingpublicshows!Howsweetly,forthejealousgibe,andthemorejealous,half-passionateeulogy,weresubstitutedamute,indulgenthelp,afondguidance,andatenderforbearancewhichforgavebutneverpraised.Thereweretimeswhenhewouldsitformanyminutesandnotspeakatallandwhenduskordutybroughtseparation,hewouldleavewithwordslikethese,“Ilestdoux,lerepos!Ilestprécieuxlecalmebonheur!” Oneevening,nottenshortdayssince,hejoinedmewhilstwalkinginmyalley.Hetookmyhand.Ilookedupinhisface.Ithoughthemeanttoarrestmyattention. “Bonnepetiteamie!”saidhe,softly“douceconsolatrice!”Butthroughhistouch,andwithhiswords,anewfeelingandastrangethoughtfoundacourse.Coulditbethathewasbecomingmorethanfriendorbrother?Didhislookspeakakindnessbeyondfraternityoramity? Hiseloquentlookhadmoretosay,hishanddrewmeforward,hisinterpretinglipsstirred.No.Notnow.Hereintothetwilightalleybrokeaninterruption:itcamedualandominous:wefacedtwobodefulforms—awoman’sandapriest’s—MadameBeckandPèreSilas. TheaspectofthelatterIshallneverforget.OnthefirstimpulseitexpressedaJean-Jacquessensibility,stirredbythesignsofaffectionjustsurprisedthen,immediately,darkenedoveritthejaundiceofecclesiasticaljealousy.Hespoketomewithunction.Helookedonhispupilwithsternness.AstoMadameBeck,she,ofcourse,sawnothing—nothingthoughherkinsmanretainedinherpresencethehandofthehereticforeigner,notsufferingwithdrawal,butclaspingitcloseandfast. Followingtheseincidents,thatsuddenannouncementofdeparturehadstruckmeatfirstasincredible.Indeed,itwasonlyfrequentrepetition,andthecredenceofthehundredandfiftymindsroundme,whichforcedonmeitsfullacceptance.Astothatweekofsuspense,withitsblank,yetburningdays,whichbroughtfromhimnowordofexplanation—Iremember,butIcannotdescribeitspassage. Thelastdaybroke.Nowwouldhevisitus.Nowhewouldcomeandspeakhis