CHAPTER XXVI. A BURIAL.

restraintfromwhatshecalledourEnglishreservethoughwethoughtwewereverycordialwithher:butwedidnotslapherontheshoulder,andifweconsentedtokisshercheek,itwasdonequietly,andwithoutanyexplosivesmack.Theseomissionsoppressedanddepressedherconsiderablystill,onthewhole,wegotonverywell.Accustomedtoinstructforeigngirls,whohardlyeverwillthinkandstudyforthemselves—whohavenoideaofgrapplingwithadifficulty,andovercomingitbydintofreflectionorapplication—ourprogress,whichintruthwasveryleisurely,seemedtoastoundher.Inhereyes,wewereapairofglacialprodigies,cold,proud,andpreternatural. TheyoungCountesswasalittleproud,alittlefastidious:andperhaps,withhernativedelicacyandbeauty,shehadarighttothesefeelingsbutIthinkitwasatotalmistaketoascribethemtome.Ineverevadedthemorningsalute,whichPaulinawouldslipwhenshecouldnorwasacertainlittlemannerofstilldisdainaweaponknowninmyarmouryofdefencewhereas,Paulinaalwayskeptitclear,fine,andbright,andanyroughGermansallycalledforthatonceitssteellyglisten. HonestAnnaBraun,insomemeasure,feltthisdifferenceandwhileshehalf-feared,half-worshippedPaulina,asasortofdaintynymph—anUndine—shetookrefugewithme,asabeingallmortal,andofeasiermood. AbookwelikedwelltoreadandtranslatewasSchiller’sBalladsPaulinasoonlearnedtoreadthembeautifullytheFr?uleinwouldlistentoherwithabroadsmileofpleasure,andsayhervoicesoundedlikemusic.Shetranslatedthem,too,withafacileflowoflanguage,andinastrainofkindredandpoeticfervour:hercheekwouldflush,herlipstremblinglysmile,herbeauteouseyeskindleormeltasshewenton.Shelearntthebestbyheart,andwouldoftenrecitethemwhenwewerealonetogether.Oneshelikedwellwas“DesM?dchensKlage:”thatis,shelikedwelltorepeatthewords,shefoundplaintivemelodyinthesoundthesenseshewouldcriticise.Shemurmured,aswesatoverthefireoneevening:— DuHeilige,rufedeinKindzurück, IchhabegenossendasirdischeGlück, Ichhabegelebtundgeliebet! “Livedandloved!”saidshe,“isthatthesummitofearthlyhappiness,theendoflife—tolove?Idon’tthinkitis.Itmaybetheextremeofmortalmisery,itmaybesheerwasteoftime,andfruitlesstortureoffeeling.IfSchillerhadsaidtobeloved,hemighthavecomenearerthetruth.Isnotthatanotherthing,Lucy,tobeloved?” “Isupposeitmaybe:butwhyconsiderthesubject?Whatislovetoyou?Whatdoyouknowaboutit?” Shecrimsoned,halfinirritation,halfinshame. “Now,Lucy,”shesaid,“Iwon’ttakethatfromyou.Itmaybewellforpapatolookonmeasababy:IratherpreferthatheshouldthusviewmebutyouknowandshalllearntoacknowledgethatIamvergingonmynineteenthyear.” “Nomatterifitwereyourtwenty-ninthwewillanticipatenofeelingsbydiscussionandconversationwewillnottalkaboutlove.” “Indeed,indeed!”saidshe—allinhurryandheat—“youmaythinktocheckandholdmein,asmuchasyoupleasebutIhavetalkedaboutit,andheardaboutittooandagreatdealandlately,anddisagreeablyanddetrimentally:andinawayyouwouldn’tapprove.” Andthevexed,triumphant,pretty,naughtybeinglaughed.Icouldnotdiscernwhatshemeant,andIwouldnotaskher:Iwasnonplussed.Seeing,however,theutmostinnocenceinhercountenance—combinedwithsometransientperversenessandpetulance—Isaidatlast,— “Whotalkstoyoudisagreeablyanddetrimentallyonsuchmatters?Whothathasnearaccesstoyouwoulddaretodoit?” “Lucy,”repliedshemoresoftly,“itisapersonwhomakesmemiserablesometimesandIwishshewouldkeepaway—Idon’twanther.” “Butwho,Paulina,canitbe?Youpuzzlememuch.” “Itis—itismycousinGinevra.EverytimeshehasleavetovisitMrs.Cholmondeleyshecallshere,andwhenevershefindsmealoneshebeginstotalkaboutheradmirers.Love,indeed!Youshouldhearallshehastosayaboutlove.” “Oh,Ihaveheardit,”saidI,quitecoolly“andonthewhole,perhapsitisaswellyoushouldhaveheardittoo:itisnottoberegretted,itisallright.Yet,surely,Ginevra’smindcannotinfluenceyours.Youcanlookoverbothherheadandherheart.” “Shedoesinfluencemeverymuch.Shehastheartofdisturbingmyhappinessandunsettlingmyopinions.Shehurtsmethroughthefeelingsandpeopledearesttome.” “Whatdoesshesay,Paulina?Givemesomeidea.Theremaybecounteractionofthedamagedone.” “ThepeopleIhavelongestandmostesteemedaredegradedbyher.ShedoesnotspareMrs.Bretton—shedoesnotspare….Graham.” “No,Idaresay:andhowdoesshemixupthesewithhersentimentandher….love?Shedoesmixthem,Isuppose?” “Lucy,sheisinsolentand,Ibelieve,false.YouknowDr.Bretton.Webothknowhim.Hemaybecarelessandproudbutwhenwasheevermeanorslavish?Dayafterdaysheshowshimtomekneelingatherfeet,pursuingherlikehershadow.She—repulsinghimwithinsult,andheimploringherwithinfatuation.Lucy,isittrue?Isanyofittrue?” “Itmaybetruethatheoncethoughtherhandsome:doesshegivehimoutasstillhersuitor?” “Shesaysshemightmarryhimanyday:heonlywaitsherconsent.” “ItisthesetaleswhichhavecausedthatreserveinyourmannertowardsGrahamwhichyourfathernoticed.” “Theyhavecertainlymademealldoubtfulabouthischaracter.AsGinevraspeaks,theydonotcarrywiththemthesoundofunmixedtruth:Ibelievesheexaggerates—perhapsinvents—butIwanttoknowhowfar.” “SupposewebringMissFanshawetosomeproof.Giveheranopportunityofdisplayingthepowersheboasts.” “Icoulddothatto-morrow.Papahasaskedsomegentlementodinner,allsavants.Graham,who,papaisbeginningtodiscover,isasavant,too—skilled,theysay,inmorethanonebranchofscience—isamongthenumber.NowIshouldbemiserabletositattableunsupported,amidstsuchaparty.IcouldnottalktoMessieursA——andZ——,theParisianAcademicians:allmynewcreditformannerwouldbeputinperil.YouandMrs.BrettonmustcomeformysakeGinevra,ataword,willjoinyou.” “YesthenIwillcarryamessageofinvitation,andsheshallhavethechanceofjustifyinghercharacterforveracity.”