CHAPTER XXVI. A BURIAL.

FromthisdatemylifedidnotwantvarietyIwentoutagooddeal,withtheentireconsentofMadameBeck,whoperfectlyapprovedthegradeofmyacquaintance.ThatworthydirectresshadneverfromthefirsttreatedmeotherwisethanwithrespectandwhenshefoundthatIwasliabletofrequentinvitationsfromachateauandagreathotel,respectimprovedintodistinction. Notthatshewasfulsomeaboutit:Madame,inallthingsworldly,wasinnothingweaktherewasmeasureandsenseinherhottestpursuitofself-interest,calmandconsideratenessinherclosestclutchofgainwithout,then,layingherselfopentomycontemptasatime-serverandatoadie,shemarkedwithtactthatshewaspleasedpeopleconnectedwithherestablishmentshouldfrequentsuchassociatesasmustcultivateandelevate,ratherthanthosewhomightdeteriorateanddepress.Sheneverpraisedeithermeormyfriendsonlyoncewhenshewassittinginthesuninthegarden,acupofcoffeeatherelbowandtheGazetteinherhand,lookingverycomfortable,andIcameupandaskedleaveofabsencefortheevening,shedeliveredherselfinthisgracioussort:— “Oui,oui,mabonneamie:jevousdonnelapermissiondecoeuretdegré.Votretravaildansmamaisonatoujoursétéadmirable,remplidezèleetdediscrétion:vousavezbienledroitdevousamuser.Sortezdonctantquevousvoudrez.Quantàvotrechoixdeconnaissances,j’ensuiscontentec’estsage,digne,laudable.” SheclosedherlipsandresumedtheGazette. Thereaderwillnottoogravelyregardthelittlecircumstancethataboutthistimethetriply-enclosedpacketoffiveletterstemporarilydisappearedfrommybureau.BlankdismaywasnaturallymyfirstsensationonmakingthediscoverybutinamomentItookheartofgrace. “Patience!”whisperedItomyself.“Letmesaynothing,butwaitpeaceablytheywillcomebackagain.” Andtheydidcomeback:theyhadonlybeenonashortvisittoMadame’schamberhavingpassedtheirexamination,theycamebackdulyandtruly:Ifoundthemallrightthenextday. Iwonderwhatshethoughtofmycorrespondence?WhatestimatedidsheformofDr.JohnBretton’sepistolarypowers?Inwhatlightdidtheoftenverypithythoughts,thegenerallysound,andsometimesoriginalopinions,set,withoutpretension,inaneasily-flowing,spiritedstyle,appeartoher?Howdidshelikethatgenial,halfhumorousvein,whichtomegavesuchdelight?Whatdidshethinkofthefewkindwordsscatteredhereandthere—notthickly,asthediamondswerescatteredinthevalleyofSindbad,butsparely,asthosegemslieinunfabledbeds?Oh,MadameBeck!howseemedthesethingstoyou? IthinkinMadameBeck’seyesthefivelettersfoundacertainfavour.Onedayaftershehadborrowedthemofme(inspeakingofsosuavealittlewoman,oneoughttousesuaveterms),Icaughtherexaminingmewithasteadycontemplativegaze,alittlepuzzled,butnotatallmalevolent.Itwasduringthatbriefspacebetweenlessons,whenthepupilsturnedoutintothecourtforaquarterofanhour’srecreationsheandIremainedinthefirstclassealone:whenImethereye,herthoughtsforcedthemselvespartiallythroughherlips. “Ilya,”saidshe,“quelquechosedebienremarquabledanslecaractèreAnglais.” “How,Madame?” Shegavealittlelaugh,repeatingtheword“how”inEnglish. “Jenesauraisvousdire‘how’mais,enfin,lesAnglaisontdesidéesàeux,enamitié,enamour,entout.Maisaumoinsiln’estpasbesoindelessurveiller,”sheadded,gettingupandtrottingawaylikethecompactlittleponyshewas. “ThenIhope,”murmuredItomyself,“youwillgraciouslyletalonemylettersforthefuture.” Alas!somethingcamerushingintomyeyes,dimmingutterlytheirvision,blottingfromsighttheschoolroom,thegarden,thebrightwintersun,asIrememberedthatnevermorewouldletters,suchasshehadread,cometome.Ihadseenthelastofthem.ThatgoodlyriveronwhosebanksIhadsojourned,ofwhosewavesafewrevivingdropshadtrickledtomylips,wasbendingtoanothercourse:itwasleavingmylittlehutandfieldforlornandsand-dry,pouringitswealthofwatersfaraway.Thechangewasright,just,naturalnotawordcouldbesaid:butIlovedmyRhine,myNileIhadalmostworshippedmyGanges,andIgrievedthatthegrandtideshouldrollestranged,shouldvanishlikeafalsemirage.Thoughstoical,Iwasnotquiteastoicdropsstreamedfastonmyhands,onmydesk:Iweptonesultryshower,heavyandbrief. ButsoonIsaidtomyself,“TheHopeIambemoaningsufferedandmademesuffermuch:itdidnotdietillitwasfulltime:followinganagonysolingering,deathoughttobewelcome.” WelcomeIendeavouredtomakeit.Indeed,longpainhadmadepatienceahabit.IntheendIclosedtheeyesofmydead,covereditsface,andcomposeditslimbswithgreatcalm. Theletters,however,mustbeputaway,outofsight:peoplewhohaveundergonebereavementalwaysjealouslygathertogetherandlockawaymementos:itisnotsupportabletobestabbedtothehearteachmomentbysharprevivalofregret. Onevacantholidayafternoon(theThursday)goingtomytreasure,withintenttoconsideritsfinaldisposal,Iperceived—andthistimewithastrongimpulseofdispleasure—thatithadbeenagaintamperedwith:thepacketwasthere,indeed,buttheribbonwhichsecuredithadbeenuntiedandretiedandbyothersymptomsIknewthatmydrawerhadbeenvisited. Thiswasalittletoomuch.MadameBeckherselfwasthesoulofdiscretion,besideshavingasstrongabrainandsoundajudgmentaseverfurnishedahumanheadthatsheshouldknowthecontentsofmycasket,wasnotpleasant,butmightbeborne.LittleJesuitinquisitressasshewas,shecouldseethingsinatruelight,andunderstandtheminanunpervertedsensebuttheideathatshehadventuredtocommunicateinformation,thusgained,toothersthatshehad,perhaps,amusedherselfwithacompanionoverdocuments,inmyeyesmostsacred,shockedmecruelly.Yet,thatsuchwasthecaseInowsawreasontofearIevenguessedherconfidant.Herkinsman,M.PaulEmanuel,hadspentyesterdayeveningwithher:shewasmuchinthehabitofconsultinghim,andofdiscussingwithhimmattersshebroachedtonooneelse.Thisverymorning,inclass,thatgentlemanhadfavouredmewithaglancewhichheseemedtohaveborrowedfromVashti,theactressIhadnotat