CHAPTER X. DR JOHN.

bearing,orsearchoutitsoriginoraimbut,placedasIwas,Icouldhardlyhelpit.Helaidhimselfopentomyobservation,accordingtomypresenceintheroomjustthatdegreeofnoticeandconsequenceapersonofmyexteriorhabituallyexpects:thatistosay,aboutwhatisgiventounobtrusivearticlesoffurniture,chairsofordinaryjoiner’swork,andcarpetsofnostrikingpattern.Often,whilewaitingforMadame,hewouldmuse,smile,watch,orlistenlikeamanwhothinkshimselfalone.I,meantime,wasfreetopuzzleoverhiscountenanceandmovements,andwonderwhatcouldbethemeaningofthatpeculiarinterestandattachment—allmixedupwithdoubtandstrangeness,andinexplicablyruledbysomepresidingspell—whichweddedhimtothisdemi-convent,secludedinthebuilt-upcoreofacapital.He,Ibelieve,neverrememberedthatIhadeyesinmyhead,muchlessabrainbehindthem. Norwouldheeverhavefoundthisout,butthatoneday,whilehesatinthesunshineandIwasobservingthecolouringofhishair,whiskers,andcomplexion—thewholebeingofsuchatoneasastronglightbringsoutwithsomewhatperilousforce(indeedIrecollectIwasdriventocomparehisbeamyheadinmythoughtstothatofthe“goldenimage”whichNebuchadnezzarthekinghadsetup),anideanew,sudden,andstartling,rivetedmyattentionwithanover-masteringstrengthandpowerofattraction.IknownottothisdayhowIlookedathim:theforceofsurprise,andalsoofconviction,mademeforgetmyselfandIonlyrecoveredwontedconsciousnesswhenIsawthathisnoticewasarrested,andthatithadcaughtmymovementinaclearlittleovalmirrorfixedinthesideofthewindowrecess—bytheaidofwhichreflectorMadameoftensecretlyspiedpersonswalkinginthegardenbelow.Thoughofsogayandsanguineatemperament,hewasnotwithoutacertainnervoussensitivenesswhichmadehimillateaseunderadirect,inquiringgaze.Onsurprisingmethus,heturnedandsaid,inatonewhich,thoughcourteous,hadjustsomuchdrynessinitastomarkashadeofannoyance,aswellastogivetowhatwassaidthecharacterofrebuke,“Mademoiselledoesnotspareme:Iamnotvainenoughtofancythatitismymeritswhichattractherattentionitmustthenbesomedefect.DareIask—what?” Iwasconfounded,asthereadermaysuppose,yetnotwithanirrecoverableconfusionbeingconsciousthatitwasfromnoemotionofincautiousadmiration,noryetinaspiritofunjustifiableinquisitiveness,thatIhadincurredthisreproof.Imighthaveclearedmyselfonthespot,butwouldnot.Ididnotspeak.Iwasnotinthehabitofspeakingtohim.Sufferinghim,then,tothinkwhathechoseandaccusemeofwhathewould,IresumedsomeworkIhaddropped,andkeptmyheadbentoveritduringtheremainderofhisstay.Thereisaperversemoodofthemindwhichisrathersoothedthanirritatedbymisconstructionandinquarterswherewecanneverberightlyknown,wetakepleasure,Ithink,inbeingconsummatelyignored.Whathonestman,onbeingcasuallytakenforahousebreaker,doesnotfeelrathertickledthanvexedatthemistake?