CHAPTER XV

ousworld,andtobealwaysthere:notseeingitdimlythroughtears,andyearningforitthroughthewallsofanachingheart:butreallywithit,andinit.Nelly,youthinkyouarebetterandmorefortunatethanIinfullhealthandstrength:youaresorryforme—verysoonthatwillbealtered.Ishallbesorryforyou.Ishallbeincomparablybeyondandaboveyouall.Iwonderhewon’tbenearme!”Shewentontoherself.“Ithoughthewishedit.Heathcliff,dear!youshouldnotbesullennow.Docometome,Heathcliff.” Inhereagernesssheroseandsupportedherselfonthearmofthechair.Atthatearnestappealheturnedtoher,lookingabsolutelydesperate.Hiseyes,wideandwet,atlastflashedfiercelyonherhisbreastheavedconvulsively.Aninstanttheyheldasunder,andthenhowtheymetIhardlysaw,butCatherinemadeaspring,andhecaughther,andtheywerelockedinanembracefromwhichIthoughtmymistresswouldneverbereleasedalive:infact,tomyeyes,sheseemeddirectlyinsensible.Heflunghimselfintothenearestseat,andonmyapproachinghurriedlytoascertainifshehadfainted,hegnashedatme,andfoamedlikeamaddog,andgatheredhertohimwithgreedyjealousy.IdidnotfeelasifIwereinthecompanyofacreatureofmyownspecies:itappearedthathewouldnotunderstand,thoughIspoketohimsoIstoodoff,andheldmytongue,ingreatperplexity. AmovementofCatherine’srelievedmealittlepresently:sheputupherhandtoclasphisneck,andbringhercheektohisasheheldherwhilehe,inreturn,coveringherwithfranticcaresses,saidwildly— “Youteachmenowhowcruelyou’vebeen—cruelandfalse.Whydidyoudespiseme?Whydidyoubetrayyourownheart,Cathy?Ihavenotonewordofcomfort.Youdeservethis.Youhavekilledyourself.Yes,youmaykissme,andcryandwringoutmykissesandtears:they’llblightyou—they’lldamnyou.Youlovedme—thenwhatrighthadyoutoleaveme?Whatright—answerme—forthepoorfancyyoufeltforLinton?Becausemiseryanddegradation,anddeath,andnothingthatGodorSatancouldinflictwouldhavepartedus,you,ofyourownwill,didit.Ihavenotbrokenyourheart—youhavebrokenitandinbreakingit,youhavebrokenmine.SomuchtheworseformethatIamstrong.DoIwanttolive?Whatkindoflivingwillitbewhenyou—oh,God!wouldyouliketolivewithyoursoulinthegrave?” “Letmealone.Letmealone,”sobbedCatherine.“IfI’vedonewrong,I’mdyingforit.Itisenough!Youleftmetoo:butIwon’tupbraidyou!Iforgiveyou.Forgiveme!” “Itishardtoforgive,andtolookatthoseeyes,andfeelthosewastedhands,”heanswered.“Kissmeagainanddon’tletmeseeyoureyes!Iforgivewhatyouhavedonetome.Ilovemymurderer—butyours!HowcanI?” Theyweresilent—theirfaceshidagainsteachother,andwashedbyeachother’stears.Atleast,IsupposetheweepingwasonbothsidesasitseemedHeathcliffcouldweeponagreatoccasionlikethis. Igrewveryuncomfortable,meanwhilefortheafternoonworefastaway,themanwhomIhadsentoffreturnedfromhiserrand,andIcoulddistinguish,bytheshineofthewesternsunupthevalley,aconcoursethickeningoutsideGimmertonchapelporch. “Serviceisover,”Iannounced.“Mymasterwillbehereinhalfanhour.”