CHAPTER XLVII

rivedonlyincreaseddistress,hadbeenasanxiousonthataccountasonotherstogethimoutoftown,andhadengagedhimintakingFannyhometoheraunt,withaviewtohisreliefandbenefit,nolessthantheirs.Fannywasnotinthesecretofheruncle’sfeelings,SirThomasnotinthesecretofMissCrawford’scharacter.Hadhebeenprivytoherconversationwithhisson,hewouldnothavewishedhertobelongtohim,thoughhertwentythousandpoundshadbeenforty. ThatEdmundmustbeforeverdividedfromMissCrawforddidnotadmitofadoubtwithFannyandyet,tillsheknewthathefeltthesame,herownconvictionwasinsufficient.Shethoughthedid,butshewantedtobeassuredofit.Ifhewouldnowspeaktoherwiththeunreservewhichhadsometimesbeentoomuchforherbefore,itwouldbemostconsolingbutthatshefoundwasnottobe.Sheseldomsawhim:neveralone.Heprobablyavoidedbeingalonewithher.Whatwastobeinferred?Thathisjudgmentsubmittedtoallhisownpeculiarandbittershareofthisfamilyaffliction,butthatitwastookeenlyfelttobeasubjectoftheslightestcommunication.Thismustbehisstate.Heyielded,butitwaswithagonieswhichdidnotadmitofspeech.Long,longwoulditbeereMissCrawford’snamepassedhislipsagain,orshecouldhopeforarenewalofsuchconfidentialintercourseashadbeen. Itwaslong.TheyreachedMansfieldonThursday,anditwasnottillSundayeveningthatEdmundbegantotalktoheronthesubject.SittingwithheronSundayevening—awetSundayevening—theverytimeofallotherswhen,ifafriendisathand,theheartmustbeopened,andeverythingtoldnooneelseintheroom,excepthismother,who,afterhearinganaffectingsermon,hadcriedherselftosleep,itwasimpossiblenottospeakandso,withtheusualbeginnings,hardlytobetracedastowhatcamefirst,andtheusualdeclarationthatifshewouldlistentohimforafewminutes,heshouldbeverybrief,andcertainlynevertaxherkindnessinthesamewayagainsheneednotfeararepetitionitwouldbeasubjectprohibitedentirely:heenteredupontheluxuryofrelatingcircumstancesandsensationsofthefirstinteresttohimself,tooneofwhoseaffectionatesympathyhewasquiteconvinced. HowFannylistened,withwhatcuriosityandconcern,whatpainandwhatdelight,howtheagitationofhisvoicewaswatched,andhowcarefullyherowneyeswerefixedonanyobjectbuthimself,maybeimagined.Theopeningwasalarming.HehadseenMissCrawford.Hehadbeeninvitedtoseeher.HehadreceivedanotefromLadyStornawaytobeghimtocallandregardingitaswhatwasmeanttobethelast,lastinterviewoffriendship,andinvestingherwithallthefeelingsofshameandwretchednesswhichCrawford’ssisteroughttohaveknown,hehadgonetoherinsuchastateofmind,sosoftened,sodevoted,asmadeitforafewmomentsimpossibletoFanny’sfearsthatitshouldbethelast.Butasheproceededinhisstory,thesefearswereover.Shehadmethim,hesaid,withaserious—certainlyaserious—evenanagitatedairbutbeforehehadbeenabletospeakoneintelligiblesentence,shehadintroducedthesubjectinamannerwhichheownedhadshockedhim.“‘Iheardyouwereintown,’saidshe‘Iwantedtoseeyou.Letustalkoverthissadbusiness.Whatcanequalthefollyofourtworelations?’Icouldnotanswer,butIbelievemylooksspoke.Shefeltreproved.Sometimeshowquicktofeel!Withagraverlookandvoiceshethenadded,‘IdonotmeantodefendHenryatyoursister’sexpense.’Soshebegan,buthowshewenton,Fanny,isnotfit,ishardlyfittoberepeatedtoyou.Icannotrecallallherwords.IwouldnotdwelluponthemifIcould.Theirsubstancewasgreatangeratthefollyofeach.Shereprobatedherbrother’sfollyinbeingdrawnonbyawomanwhomhehadnevercaredfor,todowhatmustlosehimthewomanheadoredbutstillmorethefollyofpoorMaria,insacrificingsuchasituation,plungingintosuchdifficulties,undertheideaofbeingreallylovedbyamanwhohadlongagomadehisindifferenceclear.GuesswhatImusthavefelt.Tohearthewomanwhom—noharshernamethanfollygiven!Sovoluntarily,sofreely,socoollytocanvassit!Noreluctance,nohorror,nofeminine,shallIsay,nomodestloathings?Thisiswhattheworlddoes.Forwhere,Fanny,shallwefindawomanwhomnaturehadsorichlyendowed?Spoilt,spoilt!” Afteralittlereflection,hewentonwithasortofdesperatecalmness.“Iwilltellyoueverything,andthenhavedoneforever.Shesawitonlyasfolly,andthatfollystampedonlybyexposure.Thewantofcommondiscretion,ofcaution:hisgoingdowntoRichmondforthewholetimeofherbeingatTwickenhamherputtingherselfinthepowerofaservantitwasthedetection,inshort—oh,Fanny!itwasthedetection,nottheoffence,whichshereprobated.Itwastheimprudencewhichhadbroughtthin