CHAPTER XXXVII

ttackofthemwhenshefirstunderstoodwhatwasintended,whenherunclefirstmadehertheofferofvisitingtheparents,andbrothers,andsisters,fromwhomshehadbeendividedalmosthalfherlifeofreturningforacoupleofmonthstothescenesofherinfancy,withWilliamfortheprotectorandcompanionofherjourney,andthecertaintyofcontinuingtoseeWilliamtothelasthourofhisremainingonland.Hadsheevergivenwaytoburstsofdelight,itmusthavebeenthen,forshewasdelighted,butherhappinesswasofaquiet,deep,heart-swellingsortandthoughneveragreattalker,shewasalwaysmoreinclinedtosilencewhenfeelingmoststrongly.Atthemomentshecouldonlythankandaccept.Afterwards,whenfamiliarisedwiththevisionsofenjoymentsosuddenlyopened,shecouldspeakmorelargelytoWilliamandEdmundofwhatshefeltbutstilltherewereemotionsoftendernessthatcouldnotbeclothedinwords.Theremembranceofallherearliestpleasures,andofwhatshehadsufferedinbeingtornfromthem,cameoverherwithrenewedstrength,anditseemedasiftobeathomeagainwouldhealeverypainthathadsincegrownoutoftheseparation.Tobeinthecentreofsuchacircle,lovedbysomany,andmorelovedbyallthanshehadeverbeenbeforetofeelaffectionwithoutfearorrestrainttofeelherselftheequalofthosewhosurroundedhertobeatpeacefromallmentionoftheCrawfords,safefromeverylookwhichcouldbefanciedareproachontheiraccount.Thiswasaprospecttobedweltonwithafondnessthatcouldbebuthalfacknowledged. Edmund,too—tobetwomonthsfromhim(andperhapsshemightbeallowedtomakeherabsencethree)mustdohergood.Atadistance,unassailedbyhislooksorhiskindness,andsafefromtheperpetualirritationofknowinghisheart,andstrivingtoavoidhisconfidence,sheshouldbeabletoreasonherselfintoapropererstatesheshouldbeabletothinkofhimasinLondon,andarrangingeverythingthere,withoutwretchedness.WhatmighthavebeenhardtobearatMansfieldwastobecomeaslightevilatPortsmouth. TheonlydrawbackwasthedoubtofherauntBertram’sbeingcomfortablewithouther.Shewasofusetonooneelsebutthereshemightbemissedtoadegreethatshedidnotliketothinkofandthatpartofthearrangementwas,indeed,thehardestforSirThomastoaccomplish,andwhatonlyhecouldhaveaccomplishedatall. ButhewasmasteratMansfieldPark.Whenhehadreallyresolvedonanymeasure,hecouldalwayscarryitthroughandnowbydintoflongtalkingonthesubject,explaininganddwellingonthedutyofFanny’ssometimesseeingherfamily,hedidinducehiswifetolethergoobtainingitratherfromsubmission,however,thanconviction,forLadyBertramwasconvincedofverylittlemorethanthatSirThomasthoughtFannyoughttogo,andthereforethatshemust.Inthecalmnessofherowndressing-room,intheimpartialflowofherownmeditations,unbiasedbyhisbewilderingstatements,shecouldnotacknowledgeanynecessityforFanny’severgoingnearafatherandmotherwhohaddonewithouthersolong,whileshewassousefultoherself.Andastothenotmissingher,whichunderMrs.Norris’sdiscussionwasthepointattemptedtobeproved,shesetherselfverysteadilyagainstadmittinganysuchthing. SirThomashadappealedtoherreason,conscience,anddignity.Hecalleditasacrifice,anddemandeditof