CHAPTER XXXVI

n,“amIhereagain?TheEastroom!OnceonlywasIinthisroombefore”andafterstoppingtolookabouther,andseeminglytoretraceallthathadthenpassed,sheadded,“Onceonlybefore.Doyourememberit?Icametorehearse.Yourcousincametooandwehadarehearsal.Youwereouraudienceandprompter.Adelightfulrehearsal.Ishallneverforgetit.Herewewere,justinthispartoftheroom:herewasyourcousin,herewasI,herewerethechairs.Oh!whywillsuchthingseverpassaway?” Happilyforhercompanion,shewantednoanswer.Hermindwasentirelyself-engrossed.Shewasinareverieofsweetremembrances. “Thescenewewererehearsingwassoveryremarkable!Thesubjectofitsovery—very—whatshallIsay?Hewastobedescribingandrecommendingmatrimonytome.IthinkIseehimnow,tryingtobeasdemureandcomposedasAnhaltought,throughthetwolongspeeches.‘Whentwosympatheticheartsmeetinthemarriagestate,matrimonymaybecalledahappylife.’IsupposenotimecaneverwearouttheimpressionIhaveofhislooksandvoiceashesaidthosewords.Itwascurious,verycurious,thatweshouldhavesuchascenetoplay!IfIhadthepowerofrecallinganyoneweekofmyexistence,itshouldbethatweek—thatactingweek.Saywhatyouwould,Fanny,itshouldbethatforIneverknewsuchexquisitehappinessinanyother.Hissturdyspirittobendasitdid!Oh!itwassweetbeyondexpression.Butalas,thatveryeveningdestroyeditall.Thatveryeveningbroughtyourmostunwelcomeuncle.PoorSirThomas,whowasgladtoseeyou?Yet,Fanny,donotimagineIwouldnowspeakdisrespectfullyofSirThomas,thoughIcertainlydidhatehimformanyaweek.No,Idohimjusticenow.Heisjustwhattheheadofsuchafamilyshouldbe.Nay,insobersadness,IbelieveInowloveyouall.”Andhavingsaidso,withadegreeoftendernessandconsciousnesswhichFannyhadneverseeninherbefore,andnowthoughtonlytoobecoming,sheturnedawayforamomenttorecoverherself.“IhavehadalittlefitsinceIcameintothisroom,asyoumayperceive,”saidshepresently,withaplayfulsmile,“butitisovernowsoletussitdownandbecomfortableforastoscoldingyou,Fanny,whichIcamefullyintendingtodo,Ihavenottheheartforitwhenitcomestothepoint.”Andembracingherveryaffectionately,“Good,gentleFanny!whenIthinkofthisbeingthelasttimeofseeingyouforIdonotknowhowlong,Ifeelitquiteimpossibletodoanythingbutloveyou.” Fannywasaffected.Shehadnotforeseenanythingofthis,andherfeelingscouldseldomwithstandthemelancholyinfluenceoftheword“last.”ShecriedasifshehadlovedMissCrawfordmorethanshepossiblycouldandMissCrawford,yetfarthersoftenedbythesightofsuchemotion,hungaboutherwithfondness,andsaid,“Ihatetoleaveyou.IshallseenoonehalfsoamiablewhereIamgoing.Whosaysweshallnotbesisters?Iknowweshall.Ifeelthatweareborntobeconnectedandthosetearsconvincemethatyoufeelittoo,dearFanny.” Fannyrousedherself,andreplyingonlyinpart,said,“Butyouareonlygoingfromonesetoffriendstoanother.Youaregoingtoaveryparticularfriend.” “Yes,verytrue.Mrs.Fraserhasbeenmyintimatefriendforyears.ButIhavenottheleastinclinationtogonearher.IcanthinkonlyofthefriendsIamleaving:myexcellentsister,yourself,andtheBertramsingeneral.Youhaveallsomuchmoreheartamongyouthanonefindsintheworldatlarge.Youallgivemeafeelingofbeingabletotrustandconfideinyou,whichincommonintercourseoneknowsnothingof.IwishIhadsettledwithMrs.FrasernottogotohertillafterEaster,amuchbettertimeforthevisit,butnowIcannotputheroff.A