CHAPTER XXXV
關燈
小
中
大
EdmundhaddeterminedthatitbelongedentirelytoFannytochusewhetherhersituationwithregardtoCrawfordshouldbementionedbetweenthemornotandthatifshedidnotleadtheway,itshouldneverbetouchedonbyhimbutafteradayortwoofmutualreserve,hewasinducedbyhisfathertochangehismind,andtrywhathisinfluencemightdoforhisfriend.
Aday,andaveryearlyday,wasactuallyfixedfortheCrawfords’departureandSirThomasthoughtitmightbeaswelltomakeonemoreeffortfortheyoungmanbeforeheleftMansfield,thatallhisprofessionsandvowsofunshakenattachmentmighthaveasmuchhopetosustainthemaspossible.
SirThomaswasmostcordiallyanxiousfortheperfectionofMr.Crawford’scharacterinthatpoint.Hewishedhimtobeamodelofconstancyandfanciedthebestmeansofeffectingitwouldbebynottryinghimtoolong.
EdmundwasnotunwillingtobepersuadedtoengageinthebusinesshewantedtoknowFanny’sfeelings.Shehadbeenusedtoconsulthimineverydifficulty,andhelovedhertoowelltobeartobedeniedherconfidencenowhehopedtobeofservicetoher,hethoughthemustbeofservicetoherwhomelsehadshetoopenherheartto?Ifshedidnotneedcounsel,shemustneedthecomfortofcommunication.Fannyestrangedfromhim,silentandreserved,wasanunnaturalstateofthingsastatewhichhemustbreakthrough,andwhichhecouldeasilylearntothinkshewaswantinghimtobreakthrough.
“Iwillspeaktoher,sir:Iwilltakethefirstopportunityofspeakingtoheralone,”wastheresultofsuchthoughtsastheseanduponSirThomas’sinformationofherbeingatthatverytimewalkingaloneintheshrubbery,heinstantlyjoinedher.
“Iamcometowalkwithyou,Fanny,”saidhe.“ShallI?”Drawingherarmwithinhis.“Itisalongwhilesincewehavehadacomfortablewalktogether.”
Sheassentedtoitallratherbylookthanword.Herspiritswerelow.
“But,Fanny,”hepresentlyadded,“inordertohaveacomfortablewalk,somethingmoreisnecessarythanmerelypacingthisgraveltogether.Youmusttalktome.Iknowyouhavesomethingonyourmind.Iknowwhatyouarethinkingof.Youcannotsupposemeuninformed.AmItohearofitfromeverybodybutFannyherself?”
Fanny,atonceagitatedanddejected,replied,“Ifyouhearofitfromeverybody,cousin,therecanbenothingformetotell.”
“Notoffacts,perhapsbutoffeelings,Fanny.Noonebutyoucantellmethem.Idonotmeantopressyou,however.Ifitisnotwhatyouwishyourself,Ihavedone.Ihadthoughtitmightbearelief.”
“IamafraidwethinktoodifferentlyformetofindanyreliefintalkingofwhatIfeel.”
“Doyousupposethatwethinkdifferently?Ihavenoideaofit.Idaresaythat,onacomparisonofouropinions,theywouldbefoundasmuchalikeastheyhavebeenusedtobe:tothepoint—IconsiderCrawford’sproposalsasmostadvantageousanddesirable,ifyoucouldreturnhisaffection.Iconsideritasmostnaturalthatallyourfamilyshouldwishyoucouldreturnitbutthat,asyoucannot,youhavedoneexactlyasyououghtinrefusinghim.Cantherebeanydisagreementbetweenushere?”
“Ohno!ButIthoughtyoublamedme.Ithoughtyouwereagainstme.Thisissuchacomfort!”
“Thiscomfortyoumighthavehadsooner,Fanny,hadyousoughtit.Buthowcouldyoupossiblysupposemeagainstyou?Howcouldyouimaginemeanadvocateformarriagewithoutlove?WereIevencarelessingeneralonsuchmatters,howcouldyouimaginemesowhereyourhappinesswasatstake?”
“Myunclethoughtmewrong,andIknewhehadbeentalkingtoyou.”
“Asfarasyouhavegone,Fanny,Ithinkyouperfectlyright.Imaybesorry,Imaybesurprised—thoughhardlythat,foryouhadnothadtimetoattachyourself—butIthinkyouperfectlyright.Canitadmitofaquestion?Itisdisgracefultousifitdoes.Youdidnotlovehimnothingcouldhavejustifiedyouracceptinghim.”
Fannyhadnotfeltso
