CHAPTER XXVI

okbackonalongcourseofencouragement,andshewasasperfectindisinterestedattachmentasineverythingelse.Butatothertimesdoubtandalarmintermingledwithhishopesandwhenhethoughtofheracknowledgeddisinclinationforprivacyandretirement,herdecidedpreferenceofaLondonlife,whatcouldheexpectbutadeterminedrejection?unlessitwereanacceptanceevenmoretobedeprecated,demandingsuchsacrificesofsituationandemploymentonhissideasconsciencemustforbid. Theissueofalldependedononequestion.Didshelovehimwellenoughtoforegowhathadusedtobeessentialpoints?Didshelovehimwellenoughtomakethemnolongeressential?Andthisquestion,whichhewascontinuallyrepeatingtohimself,thoughoftenestansweredwitha“Yes,”hadsometimesits“No.” MissCrawfordwassoontoleaveMansfield,andonthiscircumstancethe“no”andthe“yes”hadbeenveryrecentlyinalternation.Hehadseenhereyessparkleasshespokeofthedearfriend’sletter,whichclaimedalongvisitfromherinLondon,andofthekindnessofHenry,inengagingtoremainwherehewastillJanuary,thathemightconveyherthitherhehadheardherspeakofthepleasureofsuchajourneywithananimationwhichhad“no”ineverytone.Butthishadoccurredonthefirstdayofitsbeingsettled,withinthefirsthouroftheburstofsuchenjoyment,whennothingbutthefriendsshewastovisitwasbeforeher.Hehadsinceheardherexpressherselfdifferently,withotherfeelings,morechequeredfeelings:hehadheardhertellMrs.Grantthatsheshouldleaveherwithregretthatshebegantobelieveneitherthefriendsnorthepleasuresshewasgoingtowereworththosesheleftbehindandthatthoughshefeltshemustgo,andknewsheshouldenjoyherselfwhenonceaway,shewasalreadylookingforwardtobeingatMansfieldagain.Wastherenota“yes”inallthis? Withsuchmatterstoponderover,andarrange,andre-arrange,Edmundcouldnot,onhisownaccount,thinkverymuchoftheeveningwhichtherestofthefamilywerelookingforwardtowithamoreequaldegreeofstronginterest.Independentofhistwocousins’enjoymentinit,theeveningwastohimofnohighervaluethananyotherappointedmeetingofthetwofamiliesmightbe.IneverymeetingtherewasahopeofreceivingfartherconfirmationofMissCrawford’sattachmentbutthewhirlofaballroom,perhaps,wasnotparticularlyfavourabletotheexcitementorexpressionofseriousfeelings.Toengageherearlyforthetwofirstdanceswasallthecommandofindividualhappinesswhichhefeltinhispower,andtheonlypreparationfortheballwhichhecouldenterinto,inspiteofallthatwaspassingaroundhimonthesubject,frommorningtillnight. ThursdaywasthedayoftheballandonWednesdaymorningFanny,stillunabletosatisfyherselfastowhatsheoughttowear,determinedtoseekthecounselofthemoreenlightened,andapplytoMrs.Grantandhersister,whoseacknowledgedtastewouldcertainlybearherblamelessandasEdmundandWilliamweregonetoNorthampton,andshehadreasontothinkMr.Crawfordlikewiseout,shewalkeddowntotheParsonagewithoutmuchfearofwantinganopportunityforprivatediscussionandtheprivacyofsuchadiscussionwasamostimportantpartofittoFanny,beingmorethanhalf-ashamedofherownsolicitude. ShemetMissCra