CHAPTER XVIII. THE WOMAN WHO DID NOT DARE

epraisesof“thebeautifulMissBailey,”andprofessedtobeconsumedbyahopelesspassionforsomebody,insuchhalf-comic,half-tragicterms,thatthegirlscouldnotdecidewhetheritwas“allthatboy'smischief,”oronlyacloaktohidethedreadfultruth. “We'llhaveitoutofhimwhenhecomeshomeinthespring,”saidFannytoPolly,astheycomparedthelettersoftheirbrothers,andagreedthat“menwerethemostuncommunicativeandprovokinganimalsunderthesun.”ForNedwassoabsorbedinbusinessthatheignoredthewholeBaileyquestionandlefttheminutterdarkness. Hungerofanysortisahardthingtobear,especiallywhenthesuffererhasayouthfulappetite,andPollywaskeptonsuchashortallowanceofhappinessforsixmonths,thatshegotquitethinandinterestingandoften,whenshesawhowbighereyesweregetting,andhowplainlytheveinsonhertemplesshowed,indulgedthepensivethoughtthatperhapsspringdandelionsmightblossomo'erhergrave.ShehadnointentionofdyingtillTom'svisitwasover,however,andasthetimedrewnear,shewentthroughsuchalternationsofhopeandfear,andlivedinsuchastateoffeverishexcitement,thatspiritsandcolorcameback,andshesawthattheinterestingpallorshehadcountedonwouldbeanentirefailure. Maycameatlast,andwithitaburstofsunshinewhichcheeredevenpoorPolly'smuch-enduringheart.Fannycamewalkinginuponheroneday,lookingasifshebroughttidingsofsuchgreatjoythatshehardlyknewhowtotellthem. “Prepareyourselfsomebodyisengaged!”shesaid,inasolemntone,thatmadePollyputupherhandasiftowardoffanexpectedblow.“No,don'tlooklikethat,mypoordearitisn'tTom,it'sI!” Ofcoursetherewasarapture,followedbyoneofthedeliciouslyconfidentialtalkswhichbosomfriendsenjoy,interspersedwithtearsandkisses,smilesandsighs. “Oh,Polly,thoughI'vewaitedandhopedsolongIcouldn'tbelieveitwhenitcame,anddon'tdeserveitbutIwill!fortheknowledgethathelovesmeseemstomakeeverythingpossible,”saidFanny,withanexpressionwhichmadeherreallybeautiful,forthefirsttimeinherlife. “Youhappygirl!”sighedPolly,thensmiledandadded,“Ithinkyoudeserveallthat'scometoyou,foryouhavetrulytriedtobeworthyofit,andwhetheritevercameornotthatwouldhavebeenathingtobeproudof.” “Hesaysthatiswhatmadehimloveme,”answeredFanny,nevercallingherloverbyhisname,butmakingthelittlepersonalpronounaverysweetwordbythetoneinwhichsheutteredit.“Hewasdisappointedinmelastyear,hetoldme,butyousaidgoodthingsaboutmeandthoughhedidn'tcaremuchthen,yetwhenhelostyou,andcamebacktome,hefoundthatyouwerenotaltogethermistaken,andhehaswatchedmeallthiswinter,learningtorespectandlovemebettereveryday.Oh,Polly,whenhesaidthat,Icouldn'tbearit,becauseinspiteofallmytrying,I'mstillsoweakandpoorandsilly.” “Wedon'tthinksoandIknowyou'llbeallhehopestofindyou,forhe'sjustthehusbandyououghttohave.” “Thankyouallthemore,then,fornotkeepinghimyourself,”saidFanny,laughingtheoldblithelaughagain. “Thatwasonlyaslightaberrationofhisheknewbetterallthetime.Itwasyourwhitecloakandmyidioticbehaviorthenightwewenttotheoperathatputtheideaintohishead,”saidPolly,feelingasiftheeventsofthateveninghadhappenedsometwentyyearsago,whenshewasagiddyyoungthing,fondofgaybonnetsandgirlishpranks. “I'mnotgoingtotellTomawordaboutit,butkeepitforasurprisetillhecomes.Hewillbeherenextweek,andthenwe'llhaveagrandclearingupofmysteries,”saidFan,evidentlyfeelingthatthemillenniumwasathand. “Perhaps,”saidPolly,asherheartflutteredandthensunk,forthiswasacasewhereshecoulddonothingbuthope,andkeepherhandsbusywithWill'snewsetofshirts. Thereisagooddealmoreofthissortofsilentsufferingthantheworldsuspects,forthe“womenwhodare”arefew,thewomenwho“standandwait”aremany.Butifwork-basketsweregiftedwithpowersofspeech,theycouldtellstoriesmoretrueandtenderthananyweread.Forwomenoftensewthetragedyorcomedyoflifeintotheirworkastheysitapparentlysafeandsereneathome,yetarethinkingdeeply,livingwholeheart-histories,andprayingferventprayerswhiletheyembroiderprettytriflesordotheweeklymending.