CHAPTER XVIII. THE WOMAN WHO DID NOT DARE

ttersecretwhichwaspreyingonhersoul. “Hasn'thementionedMariainhisletters?” “Onceortwice,butsortofjokingly,andIthoughtitwasonlysomelittleflirtation.Hecan'thavetimeformuchofthatfun,he'ssobusy.” “Nedwritesgood,gossipylettersItaughthimhowandhetellsmeallthat'sgoingon.Whenhe'dspokenofthisgirlseveraltimes(theyboardwithhermother,youknow),Iaskedabouther,quitecarelessly,andhetoldmeshewaspretty,good,andwelleducated,andhethoughtTomwasrathersmitten.Thatwasablow,foryousee,Fan,sinceTrixbroketheengagement,anditwasn'twrongtothinkofTom,Iletmyselfhope,justalittle,andwassohappy!NowImustgiveitup,andnowIseehowmuchIhoped,andwhatadreadfullossit'sgoingtobe.” TwogreattearsrolleddownPolly'scheeks,andFannywipedthemaway,feelinganintensedesiretogoWestbythenexttrain,witherMariaBaileywithasinglelook,andbringTombackasagifttoPolly. “Itwassostupidofmenottoguessbefore.ButyouseeTomalwaysseemssolikeaboy,andyouaremorewomanlyforyouragethananygirlIknow,soIneverthoughtofyourcaringforhiminthatway.Iknewyouwereverygoodtohim,youaretoeveryone,mypreciousandIknewthathewasfondofyouasheisofme,fonderifanything,becausehethinksyouareperfectbutstillIneverdreamedofhislovingyouasmorethanadearfriend.” “Hedoesn't,”sighedPolly. “Well,heoughtandifIcouldgetholdofhim,heshould!” PollyclutchedFanatthat,andheldhertight,sayingsternly,“Ifyoueverbreatheaword,dropahint,lookalookthatwilltellhimoranyoneelseaboutme,I'llyes,assureasmynameisMaryMiltonI'llproclaimfromthehousetopsthatyoulikeAr”Pollygotnofurther,forFan'shandwasonhermouth,andFan'salarmedvoicevehementlyprotested,“Iwon't!IpromisesolemnlyI'llneversayawordtoamortalcreature.Don'tbesofierce,Pollyyouquitefrightenme.” “It'sbadenoughtolovesomeonewhodon'tloveyou,buttohavethemtoldofitisperfectlyawful.Itmakesmewildjusttothinkofit.Oh,Fan,I'mgettingsoill-temperedandenviousandwicked,Idon'tknowwhatwillhappentome.” “I'mnotafraidforyou,mydear,andIdobelievethingswillgoright,becauseyouaresogoodtoeveryone.HowTomcouldhelpadoringyouIdon'tsee.IknowhewouldifhehadstayedathomelongerafterhegotridofTrix.Itwouldbethemakingofhimbutthoughheismybrother,Idon'tthinkhe'sgoodenoughforyou,Polly,andIdon'tquiteseehowyoucancareforhimsomuch,whenyoumighthavehadapersonsoinfinitelysuperior.” “Idon'twanta'superior'personhe'dtiremeifhewaslikeA.S.Besides,IdothinkTomissuperiortohiminmanythings.Well,youneedn'tstareIknowheis,orwillbe.He'ssodifferent,andveryyoung,andhaslotsoffaults,Iknow,butIlikehimallthebetterforit,andhe'shonestandbrave,andhasgotabig,warmheart,andI'dratherhavehimcareformethanthewisest,best,mostaccomplishedmanintheworld,simplybecauseIlovehim!” IfTomcouldonlyhaveseenPolly'sfacewhenshesaidthat!Itwassotender,earnest,anddefiant,thatFannyforgotthedefenceofherownloverinadmirationofPolly'sloyaltytohersforthisfaithful,allabsorbinglovewasanewrevelationtoFanny,whowasusedtohearingherfriendsboastoftwoorthreeloversayear,andcalculatetheirrespectivevalues,withalmostasmuchcoolnessastheyoungmendiscussedthefortunesofthegirlstheywishedfor,but“couldnotaffordtomarry.”ShehadthoughtherloveforSydneyveryromantic,becauseshedidnotreallycarewhetherhewasrichorpoor,thoughsheneverdaredtosayso,eventoPolly,forfearofbeinglaughedat.Shebegantoseenowwhattruelovewas,andtofeelthatthesentimentwhichshecouldnotconquerwasatreasuretobeacceptedwithreverence,andcherishedwithdevotion. “Idon'tknowwhenIbegantoloveTom,butIfoundoutthatIdidlastwinter,andwasasmuchsurprisedasyouare,”continuedPolly,asifgladtounburdenherheart.“Ididn'tapproveofhimatall.Ithoughthewasextravagant,reckless,anddandified.IwasverymuchdisappointedwhenhechoseTrix,andthemoreIthoughtandsawofit,theworseIfelt,forTomwastoogoodforher,andIhatedtoseeherdosolittleforhim,whenshemighthavedonesomuchbecauseheisoneofthemenwhocanbeledbytheiraffections,andthewomanhemarriescanmakeormarhim.” “That'