CHAPTER IV. THE GORDON FAMILY.

restdepositsthesedimentwhichcloudedit.Apartfromthecrowd,andtheworldofgayetieswhichhaddizziedher,shecouldnothelpadmittingtoherselfthefollyofmuchshehadbeendoing.Something,doubtless,wasaddedtothisbythelettersofClayton.Thetoneofthem,somanlyandsincere,sorespectfulandkind,soremovedeitherfromadulationorsentimentalism,hadaneffectuponhergreaterthanshewasherselfawareof.SoNina,inherpositiveandoff-handway,satdown,oneday,andwrotefarewellletterstobothherotherlovers,andfeltherselfquiterelievedbytheprocess. Ayoungpersoncouldscarcestandmoreentirelyalone,astosympatheticintercoursewithrelations,thanNina.Itistruethatthepresenceofhermother'ssisterinthefamilycausedittobesaidthatshewasresidingunderthecareofanaunt. Mrs.Nesbit,however,wassimplyoneofthosewell-bred,well-dressedlay-figures,whoseonlyofficeinlifeseemstobetooccupyacertainroominahouse,tositincertainchairsatproperhours,tomakecertainremarksatsuitableintervalsofconversation.Inheryouththisladyhadrunquiteacareerasabelleandbeauty.Naturehadendowedherwithahandsomefaceandfigure,andyouthandthepleasureofadmirationforsomeyearssuppliedasufficientflowofanimalspiritstomakethebeautyeffective.Earlymarried,shebecamethemotherofseveralchildren,whowereonebyonesweptintothegrave.Thedeathofherhusband,lastofall,leftherwithaverysmallfortunealoneintheworldand,likemanyinsimilarcircumstances,shewascontenttosinkintoanappendagetoanother'sfamily. Mrs.Nesbitconsideredherselfveryreligiousand,asthereisagreatdealthatpassesforreligion,ordinarily,ofwhichshemaybefairlyconsideredarepresentative,wewillpresentourreaderswithaphilosophicalanalysisofthearticle.Whenyoung,shehadthoughtonlyofselfintheformofadmiration,andtheindulgenceofheranimalspirits.Whenmarried,shehadthoughtofselfonlyinherhusbandandchildren,whomshelovedbecausetheywerehers,andfornootherreason. Whendeathsweptawayherdomesticcircle,andtimestolethebeautyandfreshnessofanimalspirits,herself-lovetookanotherformand,perceivingthatthisworldwasbecomingtohersomewhatpassé,shedeterminedtomakethebestofherchanceforanother. Religionshelookeduponinthelightofaticket,which,beingoncepurchased,andsnuglylaidawayinapocket-book,istobeproducedatthecelestialgate,andthussecureadmissiontoheaven. Atacertainperiodofherlife,whileshedeemedthisticketunpurchased,shewasextremelylow-spiritedandgloomy,andwentthroughaquantityoftheologicalreadingenoughtohaveastonishedherself,hadsheforeseenitinthedaysofherbelleship.Astheresultofall,sheatlastpresentedherselfasacandidateforadmissiontoaPresbyterianchurchinthevicinity,thereprofessingherdeterminationtoruntheChristianrace.BytheChristianrace,sheunderstoodgoingatcertainstatedtimestoreligiousmeetings,readingtheBibleandhymn-bookatcertainhoursintheday,givingatregularintervalsstipulatedsumstoreligiouscharities,andpreservingageneralstateofleadenindifferencetoeverybodyandeverythingintheworld. Shethusfondlyimaginedthatshehadrenouncedtheworld,becauseshelookedbackwithdisgustongayetiesforwhichshehadnolongerstrengthorspirits.Nordidshedreamthattheintensitywithwhichhermindtravelledthenarrowworldofself,dwellingontheplaitsofhercaps,thecutofherstone-coloredsatingowns,themakingofherteaandherbed,andthesavingofhernarrowincome,wasexactlythesameinkind,thoughfarlessagreeableindevelopment,asthatwhichonceexpendeditselfindressinganddancing.Likemanyotherapparentlynegativecharacters,shehadapertinaciousintensityofanextremelynarrowandaimlessself-will.Herplansoflife,smallastheywere,hadathousandcrimpsandplaits,toeveryoneofwhichsheadheredwithinvinciblepertinacity.Thepoorladylittleimagined,whenshesat,withsuchpunctilioussatisfaction,whiletheRev.Mr.Orthodoxydemonstratedthatselfishnessistheessenceofallmoralevil,thatthesentimenthadtheslightestapplicationtohernordreamedthatthelittle,quiet,muddycurrentofself-will,whichranwithoutnoiseorindecorumunderthewholestructureofherbeing,mightbefound,inafutureday,tohaveunderminedallherhopesofheaven.Ofcourse,Mrs.NesbitregardedNina,andallotherlivelyyoungpeople,withakindofmelancholyendurance—asshockingspectaclesofworldliness.Therewasbutlittlesympathy,tobesure,betweenthedashing,andout-spoken,andalmostdefiantlittleNina,andthesombresilver-grayapparitionwhichglidedquietlyaboutthewidehallsofherpaternalmansion.Infact,itseemedtoaffordthelatteramischievouspleasuretoshockherrespectablerelativeonallconvenientoccasions.Mrs.Nesbitfeltitoccasionallyherduty,assheremarked,tocallherlivelynieceintoherapartment,andendeavortopersuadehertoreadsomesuchvolumeasLaw'sSeriousCall,orOwenontheOneHundredandNineteenthPsalmandtogiveherageneralandsolemnwarningagainstallthevanitiesoftheworld,inwhichweregenerallyincludeddressinginanycolorbutblackanddrab,dancing,flirting,writinglove-letters,andallotherenormities,downtotheeatingofpea-nutcandy.Oneofthesescenesisjustnowenactinginthisgoodlady'sapartment,uponwhichwewillraisethecurtain. Mrs.Nesbit,adiminutive,blue-eyed,fair-complexionedlittlewoman,ofsomefivefeethigh,satgentlyswayinginthatrespectableasylumforAmericanoldage,commonlycalledarocking-chair.Everyrustleofhersilverysilkgown,everyfoldofthesnowykerchiefonherneck,everyplaitofherimmaculatecap,spokeasoullongretiredfromthisworldanditscares.Thebed,arrangedwithextremestprecision,however,wascoveredwithamélangeofFrenchfinery,flounces,laces,amongwhichNinakeptupacontinualagitationlikethatproducedbyabreezeinaflower-bed,assheunfolded,turned,andflutteredthem,beforetheeyesofherrelative. "Ihavebeenthroughallthis,Nina,"saidthelatter,withamelancholyshakeofherhead,"andIknowthevanityofit." "Well,aunty,Ihaven'tbeenthroughit,soIdon'tknow." "Yes,mydear,whenIwasofyourage,Iusedtogotoballsandparties,andcouldthinkofnothingbutofdressandadmiration.Ihavebeenthroughitall,andseenthevanityofit." "Well,aunt,Iwanttogothroughit,andseethevanityofittoo.That'sjustwhatI'mafter.I'monthewaytobeassombreandsolemnasyouare,butI'mboundtohaveagoodtimefirst.Now,lookatthispinkbrocade!" Hadthebrocadebeenapall,itcouldscarcelyhavebeenregardedwithamorelugubriousaspect. "Ah,child!suchadyingworldasthis!Tospendsomuchtimeandthoughtondress!" "Why,AuntNesbit,yesterdayyouspentjusttwowholehoursinthinkingwhetheryoushouldturnthebreadthsofyourblacksilkdressupsidedown,ordownsideupandthiswasadyingworldallthetime.Now,Idon'tseethatitisanybettertothinkofblacksilkthanitisofpink." Thiswasaviewofthesubjectwhichseemednevertohaveoccurredtothegoodlady. "Butnow,aunt,docheerup,andlookatthisboxofartificialflowers.YouknowIthoughtI'dbringastockonfromNewYork.Now,aren'ttheseperfectlylovely?Ilikeflowersthatmeansomething.Now,theseareallimitationsofnaturalflowers,soperfectthatyou'dscarcelyknowthemfromthereal.See—there,that'samoss-roseandnowlookatthesesweetpeas,you'dthinktheyhadjustbeenpickedand,there—thatheliotrope,andthesejessamines,andthoseorange-blossoms,andthatwaxcamelia"— "Turnoffmyeyesfrombeholdingvanity!"saidMrs.Nesbit,shutting