CHAPTER XXXVII. THE WINDING-UP.

Yes,reader,wemustsettleaccountsnow.Ihaveonlybrieflytonarratethefinalfatesofsomeofthepersonageswhoseacquaintancewehavemadeinthisnarrative,andthenyouandImustshakehands,andforthepresentseparate. Letusturntothecurates—tothemuch-loved,thoughlong-neglected.Comeforward,modestmerit!Malone,Isee,promptlyanswerstheinvocation.Heknowshisowndescriptionwhenhehearsit. No,PeterAugustuswecanhavenothingtosaytoyou.Itwon'tdo.Impossibletotrustourselveswiththetouchingtaleofyourdeedsanddestinies.Areyounotaware,Peter,thatadiscriminatingpublichasitscrotchetsthattheunvarnishedtruthdoesnotanswerthatplainfactswillnotdigest?Doyounotknowthatthesqueakoftherealpigisnomorerelishednowthanitwasindaysofyore?WereItogivethecatastropheofyourlifeandconversation,thepublicwouldsweepoffinshriekinghysterics,andtherewouldbeawildcryforsal-volatileandburntfeathers."Impossible!"wouldbepronouncedhere"untrue!"wouldberespondedthere"inartistic!"wouldbesolemnlydecided.Notewell.Wheneveryoupresenttheactual,simpletruth,itis,somehow,alwaysdenouncedasalie—theydisownit,castitoff,throwitontheparishwhereastheproductofyourownimagination,themerefigment,thesheerfiction,isadopted,petted,termedpretty,proper,sweetlynatural—thelittle,spuriouswretchgetsallthecomfits,thehonest,lawfulbantlingallthecuffs.Suchisthewayoftheworld,Peterandasyouarethelegitimateurchin,rude,unwashed,andnaughty,youmuststanddown. MakewayforMr.Sweeting. Herehecomes,withhisladyonhisarm—themostsplendidandtheweightiestwomaninYorkshire—Mrs.Sweeting,formerlyMissDoraSykes.Theyweremarriedunderthehappiestauspices,Mr.Sweetinghavingbeenjustinductedtoacomfortableliving,andMr.SykesbeingincircumstancestogiveDoraahandsomeportion.Theylivedlongandhappilytogether,belovedbytheirparishionersandbyanumerouscircleoffriends. There!Ithinkthevarnishhasbeenputonverynicely. Advance,Mr.Donne. Thisgentlemanturnedoutadmirably—farbetterthaneitheryouorIcouldpossiblyhaveexpected,reader.He,too,marriedamostsensible,quiet,lady-likelittlewoman.Thematchwasthemakingofhim.Hebecameanexemplarydomesticcharacter,andatrulyactiveparishpriest(asapastorhe,tohisdyingday,conscientiouslyrefusedtoact).Theoutsideofthecupandplatterheburnishedupwiththebestpolishing-powderthefurnitureofthealtarandtemplehelookedafterwiththezealofanupholsterer,thecareofacabinet-maker.Hislittleschool,hislittlechurch,hislittleparsonage,allowedtheirerectiontohimandtheydidhimcredit.Eachwasamodelinitsway.Ifuniformityandtasteinarchitecturehadbeenthesamethingasconsistencyandearnestnessinreligion,whatashepherdofaChristianflockMr.Donnewouldhavemade!TherewasoneartinthemasteryofwhichnothingmortaleversurpassedMr.Donne:itwasthatofbegging.Byhisownunassistedeffortshebeggedallthemoneyforallhiserections.Inthismatterhehadagraspofplan,ascopeofactionquiteunique.Hebeggedofhighandlow—oftheshoelesscottagebratandthecoronetedduke.Hesentoutbegging-lettersfarandwide—tooldQueenCharlotte,totheprincessesherdaughters,tohersonstheroyaldukes,tothePrinceRegent,toLordCastlereagh,toeverymemberoftheministrytheninofficeand,whatismoreremarkable,hescrewedsomethingoutofeveryoneofthesepersonages.Itisonrecordthathegotfivepoundsfromtheclose-fistedoldladyQueenCharlotte,andtwoguineasfromtheroyalprofligatehereldestson.WhenMr.Donnesetoutonbeggingexpeditions,hearmedhimselfinacompletesuitofbrazenmail.Thatyouhadgivenahundredpoundsyesterdaywaswithhimnoreasonwhyyoushouldnotgivetwohundredto-day.Hewouldtellyousotoyourface,and,tentoone,getthemoneyoutofyou.Peoplegavetogetridofhim.Afterall,hedidsomegoodwiththecash.Hewasusefulinhisdayandgeneration. PerhapsIoughttoremarkthatontheprematureandsuddenvanishingofMr.MalonefromthestageofBriarfieldparish(youcannotknowhowithappened,readeryourcuriositymustberobbedtopayyourelegantloveoftheprettyandpleasing),therecameashissuccessoranotherIrishcurate,Mr.Macarthey.Iamhappytobeabletoinformyou,withtruth,thatthisgentlemandidasmuchcredittohiscountryasMalonehaddoneitdiscredit.Heprovedhimselfasdecent,decorous,andconscientiousasPeterwasrampant,boisterous,and——ThislastepithetIchoosetosuppress,becauseitwouldletthecatoutofthebag.Helabouredfaithfullyintheparish.Theschools,bothSundayanddayschools,flourishedunderhisswaylikegreenbaytrees.Beinghuman,ofcoursehehadhisfaults.These,however,wereproper,steady-going,clericalfaults—whatmanywouldcallvirtues.ThecircumstanceoffindinghimselfinvitedtoteawithaDissenterwouldunhingehimforaweek.ThespectacleofaQuakerwearinghishatinthechurch,thethoughtofanunbaptizedfellow-creaturebeinginterredwithChristianrites—thesethingscouldmakestrangehavocinMr.Macarthey'sphysicalandmentaleconomy.Otherwisehewassaneandrational,diligentandcharitable. Idoubtnotajustice-lovingpublicwillhaveremarked,erethis,thatIhavethusfarshownacriminalremissnessinpursuing,catching,andbringingtocondignpunishmentthewould-beassassinofMr.RobertMoore.Herewasafineopeningtoleadmywillingreadersadance,atoncedecorousandexciting—adanceoflawandgospel,ofthedungeon,thedock,andthe