CHAPTER XXVIII. PH?BE.

twaistcoat.SofarIhavealwaysdoneverywell.Shehassatnearme,andIhavenotshaken—morethanmydesk.Ihaveencounteredherlooksandsmileslike—why,likeatutor,asIam.HerhandIneveryettouched—neverunderwentthattest.HerfarmerorherfootmanIamnot—noserfnorservantofhershaveIeverbeenbutIampoor,anditbehovesmetolooktomyself-respect—nottocompromiseaninchofit.Whatdidshemeanbythatallusiontothecoldpeoplewhopetrifyfleshtomarble?Itpleasedme—IhardlyknowwhyIwouldnotpermitmyselftoinquire.IneverdoindulgeinscrutinyeitherofherlanguageorcountenanceforifIdid,Ishouldsometimesforgetcommonsenseandbelieveinromance.Astrange,secretecstasystealsthroughmyveinsatmoments.I'llnotencourage—I'llnotrememberit.Iamresolved,aslongasmaybe,toretaintherighttosaywithPaul,'Iamnotmad,butspeakforththewordsoftruthandsoberness.'" Hepaused,listening. "Willshecome,orwillshenotcome?"heinquired."Howwillshetakethemessage?Na?velyordisdainfully?Likeachildorlikeaqueen?Bothcharactersareinhernature. "Ifshecomes,whatshallIsaytoher?Howaccount,firstly,forthefreedomoftherequest?ShallIapologizetoher?Icouldinallhumilitybutwouldanapologytendtoplaceusinthepositionsweoughtrelativelytooccupyinthismatter?Imustkeepuptheprofessor,otherwise——Ihearadoor." Hewaited.Manyminutespassed. "Shewillrefuseme.Henryisentreatinghertocomeshedeclines.Mypetitionispresumptioninhereyes.Letheronlycome,Icanteachhertothecontrary.Iwouldrathershewerealittleperverseitwillsteelme.Ipreferhercuirassedinpride,armedwithataunt.HerscornstartlesmefrommydreamsIstandupmyself.AsarcasmfromhereyesorlipsputsstrengthintoeverynerveandsinewIhave.Somestepapproaches,andnotHenry's." ThedoorunclosedMissKeeldarcamein.Themessage,itappeared,hadfoundheratherneedleshebroughtherworkinherhand.Thatdayshehadnotbeenridingoutshehadevidentlypasseditquietly.Sheworeherneatindoordressandsilkapron.ThiswasnoThalestrisfromthefields,butaquietdomesticcharacterfromthefireside.Mr.Moorehadheratadvantage.Heshouldhaveaddressedheratonceinsolemnaccents,andwithrigidmien.Perhapshewould,hadshelookedsaucybutherairnevershowedlessofcranerie.Asoftkindofyouthfulshynessdepressedhereyelidandmantledonhercheek.Thetutorstoodsilent. Shemadeafullstopbetweenthedoorandhisdesk. "Didyouwantme,sir?"sheasked. "Iventured,MissKeeldar,tosendforyou—thatis,toaskaninterviewofafewminutes." Shewaitedshepliedherneedle. "Well,sir"(notliftinghereyes),"whatabout?" "Beseatedfirst.ThesubjectIwouldbroachisoneofsomemoment.PerhapsIhavehardlyarighttoapproachit.ItispossibleIoughttoframeanapologyitispossiblenoapologycanexcuseme.ThelibertyIhavetakenarisesfromaconversationwithHenry.Theboyisunhappyaboutyourhealthallyourfriendsareunhappyonthatsubject.ItisofyourhealthIwouldspeak." "Iamquitewell,"shesaidbriefly. "Yetchanged." "Thatmatterstononebutmyself.Weallchange." "Willyousitdown?Formerly,MissKeeldar,Ihadsomeinfluencewithyou:haveIanynow?MayIfeelthatwhatIamsayingisnotaccountedpositivepresumption?" "LetmereadsomeFrench,Mr.Moore,orIwilleventakeaspellattheLatingrammar,andletusproclaimatrucetoallsanitarydiscussions." "No,no.Itistimetherewerediscussions." "Discussaway,then,butdonotchoosemeforyourtext.Iamahealthysubject." "Doyounotthinkitwrongtoaffirmandreaffirmwhatissubstantiallyuntrue?" "IsayIamwell.Ihaveneithercough,pain,norfever." "Istherenoequivocationinthatassertion?Isitthedirecttruth?" "Thedirecttruth." LouisMoorelookedatherearnestly. "Icanmyself,"hesaid,"tracenoindicationsofactualdisease.Butwhy,then,areyoualtered?" "AmIaltered?" "Wewilltry.Wewillseekaproof." "How?" "Iask,inthefirstplace,doyousleepasyouusedto?" "IdonotbutitisnotbecauseIamill." "Haveyoutheappetiteyouoncehad?" "NobutitisnotbecauseIamill." "Yourememberthislittleringfastenedtomywatch-chain?Itwasmymother's,andistoosmalltopassthejointofmylittlefinger.Youhavemanyatimesportivelypurloinedit.Itfittedyourfore-finger.Trynow." Shepermittedthetest.Theringdroppedfromthewastedlittlehand.Louispickeditup,andreattachedittothechain.Anuneasyflushcolouredhisbrow.Shirleyagainsaid,"ItisnotbecauseIamill." "Notonlyhaveyoulostsleep,appetite,andflesh,"proceededMoore,"butyourspiritsarealwaysatebb.Besides,thereisanervousalarminyoureye,anervousdisquietinyourmanner.Thesepeculiaritieswerenotformerlyyours." "Mr.Moore,wewillpausehere.Youhaveexactlyhitit.Iamnervous.Now,talkofsomethingelse.Whatwetweatherwehave—steady,pouringrain!" "Younervous?YesandifMissKeeldarisnervous,itisnotwithoutacause.Letmereachit.Letmelooknearer.Theailmentisnotphysical.Ihavesuspectedthat.Itcameinonemoment.Iknowtheday.Inoticedthechange.Yourpainismental." "Notatall.Itisnothingsodignified—merelynervous.Oh!dismissthetopic." "Whenitisexhaustednottillthen.Nervousalarmsshouldalwaysbecommunicated,thattheymaybedissipated.IwishIhadthegiftofpersuasion,andcouldinclineyoutospeakwillingly.Ibelieveconfession,inyourcase,wouldbehalfequivalenttocure." "No,"saidShirleyabruptly."IwishthatwereatallprobablebutIamafraiditisnot." Shesuspendedherworkamoment.Shewasnowseated.Restingherelbowonthetable,sheleanedherheadonherhand.Mr.Moorelookedasifhefelthehadatlastgainedsomefootinginthisdifficultpath.Shewasserious,andinherwishwasimpliedanimportantadmissionafterthatshecouldnolongeraffirmthatnothingailedher. Thetutorallowedhersomeminutesforreposeandreflectionerehereturnedtothecharge.Oncehislipsmovedtospeak,buthethoughtbetterofit,andprolongedthepause.Shirleyliftedhereyetohis.Hadhebetrayedinjudiciousemotion,perhapsobstinatepersistenceinsilencewouldhavebeentheresultbuthelookedcalm,strong,trustworthy. "Ihadbettertellyouthanmyaunt,"shesaid,"orthanmycousins,ormyuncle.Theywouldallmakesuchabustle,anditisthatverybustleIdread—thealarm,theflurry,theéclat.Inshort,Ineverlikedtobethecentreofasmalldomesticwhirlpool.Youcanbearalittleshock—eh?" "Agreatone,ifnecessary." Notamuscleoftheman'sframemoved,andyethislargeheartbeatfastinhisdeepchest.Whatwasshegoingtotellhim?Wasirremediablemischiefdone? "HadIthoughtitrighttogotoyou,Iwouldneverhavemadeasecretofthematteronemoment,"shecontinued."Iwouldhavetoldyouatonce,andaskedadvice." "Whywasitnotrighttocometome?" "Itmightberight—IdonotmeanthatbutIcouldnotdoit.Iseemedtohavenotitletotroubleyou.Themishapconcernedmeonly.Iwantedtokeepittomyself,andpeoplewillnotletme.Itellyou,Ihatetobeanobjectofworryingattention,orathemeforvillagegossip.Besides,itmaypassawaywithoutresult—Godknows!" Moore,thoughtorturedwithsuspense,didnotdemandaquickexplanation.Hesufferedneithergesture,glance,norwordtobetrayimpatience.HistranquillitytranquillizedShirleyhisconfidencereassuredher. "Greateffectsmayspringfromtrivialcauses,"sheremarked,assheloosenedabraceletfromherwrist.Then,unfasteninghersleeve,andpartiallyturningitup,"Lookhere,Mr.Moore." Sheshowedamarkinherwhitearm—ratheradeepthoughhealed-upindentation—somethingbetweenaburnandacut. "Iwould