CHAPTER XXIV. THE VALLEY OF THE SHADOW OF DEATH.

or.Papa,mydarling,gaveyouyourblueeyesandsoftbrownhairhegaveyoutheovalofyourfaceandtheregularityofyourlineaments—theoutsideheconferredbuttheheartandthebrainaremine.Thegermsarefromme,andtheyareimproved,theyaredevelopedtoexcellence.IesteemandapprovemychildashighlyasIdomostfondlyloveher." "IswhatIheartrue?Isitnodream?" "Iwishitwereastruethatthesubstanceandcolourofhealthwererestoredtoyourcheek." "Myownmother!issheoneIcanbesofondofasIcanofyou?Peoplegenerallydidnotlikeher—soIhavebeengiventounderstand." "Theytoldyouthat?Well,yourmothernowtellsyouthat,nothavingthegifttopleasepeoplegenerally,fortheirapprobationshedoesnotcare.Herthoughtsarecentredinherchild.Doesthatchildwelcomeorrejecther?" "Butifyouaremymother,theworldisallchangedtome.SurelyIcanlive.Ishouldliketorecover——" "Youmustrecover.Youdrewlifeandstrengthfrommybreastwhenyouwereatiny,fairinfant,overwhoseblueeyesIusedtoweep,fearingIbeheldinyourverybeautythesignofqualitiesthathadenteredmyheartlikeiron,andpiercedthroughmysoullikeasword.Daughter!wehavebeenlongpartedIreturnnowtocherishyouagain." Sheheldhertoherbosomshecradledherinherarmssherockedhersoftly,asiflullingayoungchildtosleep. "Mymother—myownmother!" Theoffspringnestledtotheparentthatparent,feelingtheendearmentandhearingtheappeal,gatheredhercloserstill.Shecoveredherwithnoiselesskissesshemurmuredloveoverher,likeacushatfosteringitsyoung. Therewassilenceintheroomforalongwhile. "Doesmyuncleknow?" "Youruncleknows.ItoldhimwhenIfirstcametostaywithyouhere." "DidyourecognizemewhenwefirstmetatFieldhead?" "Howcoulditbeotherwise?Mr.andMissHelstonebeingannounced,Iwaspreparedtoseemychild." "Itwasthat,then,whichmovedyou.Isawyoudisturbed." "Yousawnothing,CarolineIcancovermyfeelings.YoucannevertellwhatanageofstrangesensationIlived,duringthetwominutesthatelapsedbetweenthereportofyournameandyourentrance.Youcannevertellhowyourlook,mien,carriage,shookme." "Why?Wereyoudisappointed?" "Whatwillshebelike?IhadaskedmyselfandwhenIsawwhatyouwerelike,Icouldhavedropped." "Mamma,why?" "Itrembledinyourpresence.Isaid,Iwillneverownhersheshallneverknowme." "ButIsaidanddidnothingremarkable.Ifeltalittlediffidentatthethoughtofanintroductiontostrangers—thatwasall." "Isoonsawyouwerediffident.Thatwasthefirstthingwhichreassuredme.Hadyoubeenrustic,clownish,awkward,Ishouldhavebeencontent." "Youpuzzleme." "Ihadreasontodreadafairoutside,tomistrustapopularbearing,toshudderbeforedistinction,grace,andcourtesy.BeautyandaffabilityhadcomeinmywaywhenIwasrecluse,desolate,young,andignorant—atoil-worngovernessperishingofuncheeredlabour,breakingdownbeforehertime.These,Caroline,whentheysmiledonme,Imistookforangels.IfollowedthemhomeandwhenintotheirhandsIhadgivenwithoutreservemywholechanceoffuturehappiness,itwasmylottowitnessatransfigurationonthedomestichearth—toseethewhitemasklifted,thebrightdisguiseputaway,andoppositemesatdown——OGod,Ihavesuffered!" Shesankonthepillow. "Ihavesuffered!Nonesaw—noneknew.Therewasnosympathy,noredemption,noredress!" "Takecomfort,mother.Itisovernow." "Itisover,andnotfruitlessly.ItriedtokeepthewordofHispatience.Hekeptmeinthedaysofmyanguish.Iwasafraidwithterror—Iwastroubled.ThroughgreattribulationHebroughtmethroughtoasalvationrevealedinthislasttime.MyfearhadtormentHehascastitout.Hehasgivenmeinitssteadperfectlove.But,Caroline——" Thussheinvokedherdaughterafterapause. "Mother!" "Ichargeyou,whenyounextlookonyourfather'smonument,torespectthenamechiselledthere.Toyouhedidonlygood.Onyouheconferredhiswholetreasureofbeauties,noraddedtothemonedarkdefect.Allyouderivedfromhimisexcellent.Youowehimgratitude.Leave,betweenhimandme,thesettlementofourmutualaccount.Meddlenot.Godisthearbiter.Thisworld'slawsnevercamenearus—never!Theywerepowerlessasarottenbulrushtoprotectme—impotentasidiotbabblingstorestrainhim!Asyousaid,itisallovernowthegraveliesbetweenus.Therehesleeps,inthatchurch.TohisdustIsaythisnight,whatIhaveneversaidbefore,'James,slumberpeacefully!See!yourterribledebtiscancelled!Look!Iwipeoutthelong,blackaccountwithmyownhand!James,yourchildatones.Thislivinglikenessofyou—thisthingwithyourperfectfeatures—thisonegoodgiftyougavemehasnestledaffectionatelytomyheart,andtenderlycalledme"mother."Husband,restforgiven!'" "Dearestmother,thatisright!Canpapa'sspirithearus?Ishecomfortedtoknowthatwestilllovehim?" "Isaidnothingoflove.Ispokeofforgiveness.Mindthetruth,childIsaidnothingoflove!Onthethresholdofeternity,shouldhebetheretoseemeenter,willImaintainthat." "Omother,youmusthavesuffered!" "Ochild,thehumanheartcansuffer!Itcanholdmoretearsthantheoceanholdswaters.Weneverknowhowdeep,howwideitis,tillmiserybeginstounbindherclouds,andfillitwithrushingblackness." "Mother,forget." "Forget!"shesaid,withthestrangestspectreofalaugh."Thenorthpolewillrushtothesouth,andtheheadlandsofEuropebelockedintothebaysofAustraliaereIforget." "Hush,mother!Rest!Beatpeace!" Andthechildlulledtheparent,astheparenthaderstlulledthechild.AtlastMrs.Pryorwept.Shethengrewcalmer.Sheresumedthosetendercaresagitationhadforamomentsuspended.Replacingherdaughteronthecouch,shesmoothedthepillowandspreadthesheet.Thesofthairwhoselockswereloosenedsherearranged,thedampbrowsherefreshedwithacool,fragrantessence. "Mamma,letthembringacandle,thatImayseeyouandtellmyuncletocomeintothisroomby-and-by.IwanttohearhimsaythatIamyourdaughter.And,mamma,takeyoursupperhere.Don'tleavemeforoneminuteto-night." "OCaroline,itiswellyouaregentle!Youwillsaytome,Go,andIshallgoCome,andIshallcomeDothis,andIshalldoit.Youinheritacertainmanneraswellascertainfeatures.Itwillalwaysbe'mamma'prefacingamandate—softlyspoken,though,fromyou,thankGod!Well,"sheadded,underherbreath,"hespokesoftlytoo,once,likeaflutebreathingtendernessandthen,whentheworldwasnotbytolisten,discordsthatsplitthenervesandcurdledtheblood—soundstoinspireinsanity." "Itseemssonatural,mamma,toaskyouforthisandthat.Ishallwantnobodybutyoutobenearme,ortodoanythingforme.Butdonotletmebetroublesome.CheckmeifIencroach." "Youmustnotdependonmetocheckyouyoumustkeepguardoveryourself.Ihavelittlemoralcouragethewantofitismybane.Itisthatwhichhasmademeanunnaturalparent—whichhaskeptmeapartfrommychildduringthetenyearswhichhaveelapsedsincemyhusband'sdeathleftmeatlibertytoclaimher.ItwasthatwhichfirstunnervedmyarmsandpermittedtheinfantImighthaveretainedawhilelongertobesnatchedprematurelyfromtheirembrace." "How,mamma?" "Iletyougoasababe,becauseyouwerepretty,andIfearedyourloveliness,deemingitthestampofperversity.Theysentmeyourportrait,takenateightyearsoldthatportraitconfirmedmyfear