CHAPTER VII. THE CURATES AT TEA.

CarolineHelstonewasjusteighteenyearsold,andateighteenthetruenarrativeoflifeisyettobecommenced.Beforethattimewesitlisteningtoatale,amarvellousfiction,delightfulsometimes,andsadsometimes,almostalwaysunreal.Beforethattimeourworldisheroic,itsinhabitantshalf-divineorsemi-demonitsscenesaredream-scenesdarkerwoodsandstrangerhills,brighterskies,moredangerouswaters,sweeterflowers,moretemptingfruits,widerplains,drearierdeserts,sunnierfieldsthanarefoundinnature,overspreadourenchantedglobe.Whatamoonwegazeonbeforethattime!Howthetremblingofourheartsatheraspectbearswitnesstoitsunutterablebeauty!Astooursun,itisaburningheaven—theworldofgods. Atthattime,ateighteen,drawingneartheconfinesofillusive,voiddreams,Elf-landliesbehindus,theshoresofRealityriseinfront.Theseshoresareyetdistanttheylooksoblue,soft,gentle,welongtoreachthem.Insunshineweseeagreennessbeneaththeazure,asofspringmeadowswecatchglimpsesofsilverlines,andimaginetherolloflivingwaters.Couldwebutreachthisland,wethinktohungerandthirstnomorewhereasmanyawilderness,andoftenthefloodofdeath,orsomestreamofsorrowascoldandalmostasblackasdeath,istobecrossederetrueblisscanbetasted.Everyjoythatlifegivesmustbeearnedereitissecuredandhowhardlyearned,thoseonlyknowwhohavewrestledforgreatprizes.Theheart'sbloodmustgemwithredbeadsthebrowofthecombatant,beforethewreathofvictoryrustlesoverit. Ateighteenwearenotawareofthis.Hope,whenshesmilesonus,andpromiseshappinessto-morrow,isimplicitlybelievedLove,whenhecomeswanderinglikealostangeltoourdoor,isatonceadmitted,welcomed,embraced.Hisquiverisnotseenifhisarrowspenetrate,theirwoundislikeathrillofnewlife.Therearenofearsofpoison,noneofthebarbwhichnoleech'shandcanextract.Thatperilouspassion—anagonyeverinsomeofitsphaseswithmany,anagonythroughout—isbelievedtobeanunqualifiedgood.Inshort,ateighteentheschoolofexperienceistobeentered,andherhumbling,crushing,grinding,butyetpurifyingandinvigoratinglessonsareyettobelearned. Alas,Experience!Noothermentorhassowastedandfrozenafaceasyours,nonewearsarobesoblack,nonebearsarodsoheavy,nonewithhandsoinexorabledrawsthenovicesosternlytohistask,andforceshimwithauthoritysoresistlesstoitsacquirement.Itisbyyourinstructionsalonethatmanorwomancaneverfindasafetrackthroughlife'swildswithoutit,howtheystumble,howtheystray!Onwhatforbiddengroundsdotheyintrude,downwhatdreaddeclivitiesaretheyhurled! Caroline,havingbeenconvoyedhomebyRobert,hadnowishtopasswhatremainedoftheeveningwithheruncle.Theroominwhichhesatwasverysacredgroundtohersheseldomintrudedonitandto-nightshekeptalooftillthebellrangforprayers.PartoftheeveningchurchservicewastheformofworshipobservedinMr.Helstone'shousehold.Hereaditinhisusualnasalvoice,clear,loud,andmonotonous.Theriteover,hisniece,accordingtoherwont,steppeduptohim. "Good-night,uncle." "Hey!You'vebeengaddingabroadallday—visiting,diningout,andwhatnot!" "Onlyatthecottage." "Andhaveyoulearnedyourlessons?" "Yes." "Andmadeashirt?" "Onlypartofone." "Well,thatwilldo.Sticktotheneedle,learnshirt-makingandgown-makingandpiecrust-making,andyou'llbeacleverwomansomeday.Gotobednow.I'mbusywithapamphlethere." Presentlytheniecewasenclosedinhersmallbedroom,thedoorbolted,herwhitedressing-gownassumed,herlonghairloosenedandfallingthick,soft,andwavytoherwaistandas,restingfromthetaskofcombingitout,sheleanedhercheckonherhandandfixedhereyesonthecarpet,beforeherrose,andclosearoundherdrew,thevisionsweseeateighteenyears. Herthoughtswerespeakingwithher,speakingpleasantly,asitseemed,forshesmiledasshelistened.Shelookedprettymeditatingthusbutabrighterthingthanshewasinthatapartment—thespiritofyouthfulHope.Accordingtothisflatteringprophet,shewastoknowdisappointment,tofeelchillnomoreshehadenteredonthedawnofasummerday—nofalsedawn,butthetruespringofmorning—andhersunwouldquicklyrise.Impossibleforhernowtosuspectthatshewasthesportofdelusionherexpectationsseemedwarranted,thefoundationonwhichtheyrestedappearedsolid. "Whenpeoplelove,thenextstepistheymarry,"washerargument."Now,IloveRobert,andIfeelsurethatRobertlovesme.Ihavethoughtsomanyatimebeforeto-dayIfeltit.WhenIlookedupathimafterrepeatingChénier'spoem,hiseyes(whathandsomeeyeshehas!)sentthetruththroughmyheart.SometimesIamafraidtospeaktohim,lestIshouldbetoofrank,lestIshouldseemforward—forIhavemorethanonceregrettedbitterlyoverflowing,superfluouswords,andfearedIhadsaidmorethanheexpectedmetosay,andthathewoulddisapprovewhathemightdeemmyindiscretionnow,to-nightIcouldhaveventuredtoexpressanythought,hewassoindulgent.Howkindhewasaswewalkedupthelane!Hedoesnotflatterorsayfoolishthingshislove-making(friendship,ImeanofcourseIdon'tyetaccounthimmylover,butIhopehewillbesosomeday)isnotlikewhatwereadofinbooks,—itisfarbetter—original,quiet,manly,sincere.IdolikehimIwouldbeanexcellentwifetohimifhedidmarrymeIwouldtellhimofhisfaults(forhehasafewfaults),butIwouldstudyhiscomfort,andcherishhim,anddomybesttomakehimhappy.Now,Iamsurehewillnotbecoldto-morrow.Ifeelalmostcertainthatto-morroweveninghewilleithercomehere,oraskmetogothere." Sherecommencedcombingherhair,longasamermaid's.Turningherheadasshearrangeditshesawherownfaceandformintheglass.Suchreflectionsaresoberizingtoplainpeople:theirowneyesarenotenchantedwiththeimagetheyareconfidentthenthattheeyesofotherscanseeinitnofascination.Butthefairmustnaturallydrawotherconclusions:thepictureischarming,andmustcharm.Carolinesawashape,ahead,that,daguerreotypedinthatattitudeandwiththatexpression,wouldhavebeenlovely.Shecouldnotchoosebutderivefromthespectacleconfirmationtoherhopes.Itwastheninundiminishedgladnessshesoughthercouch. Andinundiminishedgladnesssherosethenextday.Assheenteredheruncle'sbreakfast-room,andwithsoftcheerfulnesswishedhimgood-morning,eventhatlittlemanofbronzehimselfthought,foraninstant,hisniecewasgrowing"afinegirl."Generallyshewasquietandtimidwithhim—verydocile,butnotcommunicativethismorning,however,shefoundmanythingstosay.Slighttopicsalonemightbediscussedbetweenthemforwithawoman—agirl—Mr.Helstonewouldtouchonnoother.Shehadtakenanearlywalkinthegarden,andshetoldhimwhatflowerswerebeginningtospringtheresheinquiredwhenthegardenerwastocomeandtrimtheborderssheinformedhimthatcertainstarlingswerebeginningtobuildtheirnestsinthechurch-tower(BriarfieldchurchwasclosetoBriarfieldrectory)shewonderedthetollingofthebellsinthebelfrydidnotscarethem. Mr.Helstoneopinedthat"theywerelikeotherfoolswhohadjustpaired—insensibletoinconveniencejustforthemoment."Caroline,madeperhapsalittletoocourageousbyhertemporarygoodspirits,herehazardedaremarkofakindshehadneverbeforeventuredtomakeonobservationsdroppedbyherreveredrelative. "Uncle,"saidshe,"wheneveryouspeakofmarriageyouspeakofitscornfully.Doyouthinkpeopleshouldn'tmarry?" "Itisdecidedlythewisestplantoremainsingle,especiallyforwomen." "Areallmarriagesunhappy?" "Millionsofmarriagesareunhappy.Ifeverybodyconfessedthetruth,perhapsallaremoreorlessso." "Youarealwaysvexedwhenyouareaskedtocomeandmarryacouple.Why?" "Becauseonedoesnotliketoactasaccessorytothecommissionofapieceofpurefolly." Mr.Helstonespokesoreadily,heseemedrathergladoftheopportunitytogivehisnieceapieceofhismindonthispoint.Emboldenedbytheimpunitywhichhadhithertoattendedherquestions,shewentalittlefurther. "Butwhy,"saidshe,"shoulditbepurefolly?Iftwopeoplelikeeachother,whyshouldn'ttheyconsenttolivetogether?" "Theytireofeachother—theytireofeachotherinamonth.Ayokefellowisnotacompanionheorsheisafellow-sufferer." Itwasbynomeansna?vesimplicitywhichinspiredCaroline'snextremarkitwasasenseofantipathytosuchopinions,andofdispleasureathimwhoheldthem. "Onewouldthinkyouhadneverbeenmarried,uncle.Onewouldthinkyouwereanoldbachelor." "Practically,Iamso." "Butyouhavebeenmarried.Whywereyousoinconsistentastomarry?" "Everymanismadonceortwiceinhislife." "Soyoutiredofmyaunt,andmyauntofyou,andyouweremiserabletogether?" Mr.Helstonepushedouthiscynicallip,wrinkledhisbrownforehead,andgaveaninarticulategrunt. "Didshenotsuityou?Wasshenotgood-tempered?Didyounotgetusedtoher?Wereyounotsorrywhenshedied?" "Caroline,"saidMr.Helstone,bringinghishandslowlydowntowithinaninchortwoofthetable,andthensmitingitsuddenlyonthemahogany,"understandthis:itisvulgarandpueriletoconfoundgeneralswithparticulars.Ineverycasethereistheruleandtherearetheexceptions.Yourquestionsarestupidandbabyish.Ringthebell,ifyouhavedonebreakfast." Thebreakfastwastakenaway,andthatmealover,itwasthegeneralcustomofuncleandniecetoseparate,andnottomeetagaintilldinnerbutto-daytheniece,insteadofquittingtheroom,wenttothewindow-seat,andsatdownthere.Mr.Helstonelookedrounduneasilyonceortwice,asifhewishedherawaybutshewasgazingfromthewindow,anddidnotseemtomindhim:sohecontinuedtheperusalofhismorningpaper—aparticularlyinterestingoneitchancedtobe,asnewmovementshadjusttakenplaceinthePeninsula,andcertaincolumnsofthejournalwererichinlongdispatchesfromGeneralLordWellington.Helittleknew,meantime,whatthoughtswerebusyinhisniece'smind—thoughtstheconversationofthepasthalf-hourhadrevivedbutnotgeneratedtumultuousweretheynow,asdisturbedbeesinahive,butitwasyearssincetheyhadfirstmadetheircellsinherbrain. Shewasreviewinghischaracter,hisdisposition,repeatinghissentimentsonmarriage.Manyatimehadshereviewedthembefore,andsoundedthegulfbetweenherownmindandhisandthen,ontheothersideofthewideanddeepchasm,shehadseen,andshenowsaw,anotherfigurestandingbesideheruncle's—astrangeshape,dim,sinister,scarcelyearthly—thehalf-rememberedimageofherownfather,JamesHelstone,MatthewsonHelstone'sbrother. Rumourshadreachedherearofwhatthatfather'scharacterwasoldservantshaddroppedhintssheknew,too,thathewasnot