CHAPTER XVIII. MIRTH AND MOURNING

ss,atanyrate.” “Why?Doyouparticularlyobjecttoladiesstudying?” “NobutIobjecttoanyonesodevotinghimselforherselftostudy,astolosesightofeverythingelse.Exceptunderpeculiarcircumstances,Iconsiderverycloseandconstantstudyasawasteoftime,andaninjurytothemindaswellasthebody.” “Well,Ihaveneitherthetimenortheinclinationforsuchtransgressions.” Wepartedagain. Well!whatisthereremarkableinallthis?WhyhaveIrecordedit?Because,reader,itwasimportantenoughtogivemeacheerfulevening,anightofpleasingdreams,andamorningoffelicitoushopes.Shallow-brainedcheerfulness,foolishdreams,unfoundedhopes,youwouldsayandIwillnotventuretodenyit:suspicionstothateffectarosetoofrequentlyinmyownmind.Butourwishesareliketinder:theflintandsteelofcircumstancesarecontinuallystrikingoutsparks,whichvanishimmediately,unlesstheychancetofalluponthetinderofourwishesthen,theyinstantlyignite,andtheflameofhopeiskindledinamoment. Butalas!thatverymorning,myflickeringflameofhopewasdismallyquenchedbyaletterfrommymother,whichspokesoseriouslyofmyfather’sincreasingillness,thatIfearedtherewaslittleornochanceofhisrecoveryand,closeathandastheholidayswere,Ialmosttrembledlesttheyshouldcometoolateformetomeethiminthisworld.Twodaysafter,aletterfromMarytoldmehislifewasdespairedof,andhisendseemedfastapproaching.Then,immediately,Isoughtpermissiontoanticipatethevacation,andgowithoutdelay.Mrs.Murraystared,andwonderedattheunwontedenergyandboldnesswithwhichIurgedtherequest,andthoughttherewasnooccasiontohurrybutfinallygavemeleave:stating,however,thattherewas“noneedtobeinsuchagitationaboutthematter—itmightproveafalsealarmafterallandifnot—why,itwasonlyinthecommoncourseofnature:wemustalldiesometimeandIwasnottosupposemyselftheonlyafflictedpersonintheworld”andconcludingwithsayingImighthavethephaetontotakemetoO——.“Andinsteadofrepining,MissGrey,bethankfulfortheprivilegesyouenjoy.There’smanyapoorclergymanwhosefamilywouldbeplungedintoruinbytheeventofhisdeathbutyou,yousee,haveinfluentialfriendsreadytocontinuetheirpatronage,andtoshowyoueveryconsideration.” Ithankedherforher“consideration,”andflewtomyroomtomakesomehurriedpreparationsformydeparture.Mybonnetandshawlbeingon,andafewthingshastilycrammedintomylargesttrunk,Idescended.ButImighthavedonetheworkmoreleisurely,fornooneelsewasinahurryandIhadstillaconsiderabletimetowaitforthephaeton.Atlengthitcametothedoor,andIwasoff:but,oh,whatadrearyjourneywasthat!howutterlydifferentfrommyformerpassageshomewards!Beingtoolateforthelastcoachto——,Ihadtohireacabfortenmiles,andthenacartotakemeovertheruggedhills. Itwashalf-pasttenbeforeIreachedhome.Theywerenotinbed. Mymotherandsisterbothmetmeinthepassage—sad—silent—pale!Iwassomuchshockedandterror-strickenthatIcouldnotspeak,toasktheinformationIsomuchlongedyetdreadedtoobtain. “Agnes!”saidmymother,strugglingtorepresssomestrongemotion. “Oh,Agnes!”criedMary,andburstintotears. “Howishe?”Iasked,gaspingfortheanswer. “Dead!” ItwasthereplyIhadanticipated:buttheshockseemednonethelesstremendous.