CHAPTER VII. HORTON LODGE

morning,andsometimesoftener.Mr.andMrs.Murraygenerallythoughtitsufficienttoshowthemselvesatchurchonceinthecourseofthedaybutfrequentlythechildrenpreferredgoingasecondtimetowanderingaboutthegroundsallthedaywithnothingtodo.Ifsomeofmypupilschosetowalkandtakemewiththem,itwaswellformeforotherwisemypositioninthecarriagewastobecrushedintothecornerfarthestfromtheopenwindow,andwithmybacktothehorses:apositionwhichinvariablymademesickandifIwerenotactuallyobligedtoleavethechurchinthemiddleoftheservice,mydevotionsweredisturbedwithafeelingoflanguorandsickliness,andthetormentingfearofitsbecomingworse:andadepressingheadachewasgenerallymycompanionthroughouttheday,whichwouldotherwisehavebeenoneofwelcomerest,andholy,calmenjoyment. “It’sveryodd,MissGrey,thatthecarriageshouldalwaysmakeyousick:itnevermakesme,”remarkedMissMatilda, “Normeeither,”saidhersister“butIdaresayitwould,ifIsatwhereshedoes—suchanasty,horridplace,MissGreyIwonderhowyoucanbearit!” “Iamobligedtobearit,sincenochoiceisleftme,”—ImighthaveansweredbutintendernessfortheirfeelingsIonlyreplied,—“Oh!itisbutashortway,andifIamnotsickinchurch,Idon’tmindit.” IfIwerecalledupontogiveadescriptionoftheusualdivisionsandarrangementsoftheday,Ishouldfinditaverydifficultmatter.Ihadallmymealsintheschoolroomwithmypupils,atsuchtimesassuitedtheirfancy:sometimestheywouldringfordinnerbeforeitwashalfcookedsometimestheywouldkeepitwaitingonthetableforaboveanhour,andthenbeoutofhumourbecausethepotatoeswerecold,andthegravycoveredwithcakesofsolidfatsometimestheywouldhaveteaatfourfrequently,theywouldstormattheservantsbecauseitwasnotinpreciselyatfiveandwhentheseorderswereobeyed,bywayofencouragementtopunctuality,theywouldkeepitonthetabletillsevenoreight. Theirhoursofstudyweremanagedinmuchthesamewaymyjudgmentorconveniencewasneveronceconsulted.SometimesMatildaandJohnwoulddetermine“togetalltheplaguybusinessoverbeforebreakfast,”andsendthemaidtocallmeupathalf-pastfive,withoutanyscrupleorapologysometimes,Iwastoldtobereadypreciselyatsix,and,havingdressedinahurry,camedowntoanemptyroom,andafterwaitingalongtimeinsuspense,discoveredthattheyhadchangedtheirminds,andwerestillinbedor,perhaps,ifitwereafinesummermorning,Brownwouldcometotellmethattheyoungladiesandgentlemenhadtakenaholiday,andweregoneoutandthenIwaskeptwaitingforbreakfasttillIwasalmostreadytofaint:theyhavingfortifiedthemselveswithsomethingbeforetheywent. OftentheywoulddotheirlessonsintheopenairwhichIhadnothingtosayagainst:exceptthatIfrequentlycaughtcoldbysittingonthedampgrass,orfromexposuretotheeveningdew,orsomeinsidiousdraught,whichseemedtohavenoinjuriouseffectonthem.Itwasquiterightthattheyshouldbehardyyet,surely,theymighthavebeentaughtsomeconsiderationforotherswhowerelessso.ButImustnotblamethemforwhatwas,perhaps,myownfaultforInevermadeanyparticularobjectionstosittingwheretheypleasedfoolishlychoosingtorisktheconsequences,ratherthantroublethemformyconvenience.Theirindecorousmannerofdoingtheirlessonswasquiteasremarkableasthecapricedisplayedintheirchoiceoftimeandplace.Whilereceivingmyinstructions,orrepeatingwhattheyhadlearned,theywouldloungeuponthesofa,lieontherug,stretch,yawn,talktoeachother,orlookoutofthewindowwhereas,Icouldnotsomuchasstirthefire,orpickupthehandkerchiefIhaddropped,withoutbeingrebukedforinattentionbyoneofmypupils,ortoldthat“mammawouldnotlikemetobesocareless.” Theservants,seeinginwhatlittleestimationthegovernesswasheldbybothparentsandchildren,regulatedtheirbehaviourbythesamestandard.Ihavefrequentlystoodupforthem,attheriskofsomeinjurytomyself,againstthetyrannyandinjusticeoftheiryoungmastersandmistressesandIalwaysendeavouredtogivethemaslittletroubleaspossible:buttheyentirelyneglectedmycomfort,despisedmyrequests,andslightedmydirections.Allservants,Iamconvinced,wouldnothavedonesobutdomesticsingeneral,beingignorantandlittleaccustomedtoreasonandreflection,aretooeasilycorruptedbythecarelessnessandbadexampleofthoseabovethemandthese,Ithink,werenotofthebestordertobeginwith. IsometimesfeltmyselfdegradedbythelifeIled,andashamedofsubmittingtosomanyindignitiesandsometimesIthoughtmyselfafoolforcaringsomuchaboutthem,andfearedImustbesadlywantinginChristianhumility,orthatcharitywhich“sufferethlongandiskind,seekethnotherown,isnoteasilyprovoked,bearethallthings,endurethallthings.” But,withtimeandpatience,mattersbegantobeslightlyameliorated:slowly,itistrue,andalmostimperceptiblybutIgotridofmymalepupils(thatwasnotriflingadvantage),andthegirls,asIintimatedbeforeconcerningoneofthem,becamealittlelessinsolent,andbegantoshowsomesymptomsofesteem.“MissGreywasaqueercreature:sheneverflattered,anddidnotpraisethemhalfenoughbutwhenevershedidspeakfavourablyofthem,oranythingbelongingtothem,theycouldbequitesureherapprobationwassincere.Shewasveryobliging,quiet,andpeaceableinthemain,butthereweresomethingsthatputheroutoftemper:theydidnotmuchcareforthat,tobesure,butstillitwasbettertokeepherintuneaswhenshewasinagoodhumourshewouldtalktothem,andbeveryagreeableandamusingsometimes,inherwaywhichwasquitedifferenttomamma’s,butstillverywellforachange.Shehadherownopinionsoneverysubject,andkeptsteadilytothem—verytiresomeopinionstheyoftenwereasshewasalwaysthinkingofwhatwasrightandwhatwaswrong,andhadastrangereverenceformattersconnectedwithreligion,andanunaccountablelikingtogoodpeople.”