CHAPTER VI. THE PARSONAGE AGAIN

tures.Youcannotlovethemandifyoucould,yourlovewouldbeutterlythrownaway:theycouldneitherreturnit,norvalue,norunderstandit.But,however,evenifIshouldstumbleonsuchafamilyagain,whichisquiteunlikely,Ihaveallthisexperiencetobeginwith,andIshouldmanagebetteranothertimeandtheendandaimofthispreambleis,letmetryagain.” “Well,mygirl,youarenoteasilydiscouraged,Isee:Iamgladofthat.But,letmetellyou,youareagooddealpalerandthinnerthanwhenyoufirstlefthomeandwecannothaveyouunderminingyourhealthtohoardupmoneyeitherforyourselforothers.” “MarytellsmeIamchangedtooandIdon’tmuchwonderatit,forIwasinaconstantstateofagitationandanxietyalldaylong:butnexttimeIamdeterminedtotakethingscoolly.” Aftersomefurtherdiscussion,mymotherpromisedoncemoretoassistme,providedIwouldwaitandbepatientandIlefthertobroachthemattertomyfather,whenandhowshedeemeditmostadvisable:neverdoubtingherabilitytoobtainhisconsent.Meantime,Isearched,withgreatinterest,theadvertisingcolumnsofthenewspapers,andwroteanswerstoevery“WantedaGoverness”thatappearedatalleligiblebutallmyletters,aswellasthereplies,whenIgotany,weredutifullyshowntomymotherandshe,tomychagrin,mademerejectthesituationsoneafteranother:thesewerelowpeople,theseweretooexactingintheirdemands,andthesetooniggardlyintheirremuneration. “Yourtalentsarenotsuchaseverypoorclergyman’sdaughterpossesses,Agnes,”shewouldsay,“andyoumustnotthrowthemaway.Remember,youpromisedtobepatient:thereisnoneedofhurry:youhaveplentyoftimebeforeyou,andmayhavemanychancesyet.” Atlength,sheadvisedmetoputanadvertisement,myself,inthepaper,statingmyqualifications,&c. “Music,singing,drawing,French,Latin,andGerman,”saidshe,“arenomeanassemblage:manywillbegladtohavesomuchinoneinstructorandthistime,youshalltryyourfortuneinasomewhathigherfamily—inthatofsomegenuine,thoroughbredgentlemanforsucharefarmorelikelytotreatyouwithproperrespectandconsiderationthanthosepurse-proudtradespeopleandarrogantups