XXI

apsevenone,willhelptoclearthemuddiedvisionofyourmind.Icannotunderstand,"hewenton,halfdespairing,halfexasperated,"whatreasonsyoucanpossiblyhaveforrefusingtodrinksomemilk.Itisafeatmosteasilyaccomplished." Shedidnotmove. "Doyouperchanceimaginethatastarvedandbadlytreatedbodycaneverharbourthatmostpreciousgiftofthegods,aclear,sanemind?" Shedidnotmove. Helookedatherinsilenceforamoment,thenputdowntheglass."Thisisallmyfault,"hesaidslowly."Thewholeresponsibilityforthisunhappinessisonmyshoulders,andIfranklyconfessitisaburdensogrievousthatIknownothowtobearit." Hepaused,butshetooknonotice. "Ma'am,Ihavelovedyou." Shetooknonotice. "Andthepropertyoflove,Ihaveobserved,isoftentomangleandkillthesoulofitsobject." Shemighthavebeenasleep. "Ma'am,Ihavebroughtyoutoasorrypass.Iwasold,andyouwereyoung.Iexperienced,youignorant.Ideliberate,youimpulsive.Iaman,youawoman.Insteadofrestrainingyou,guidingyou,shieldingyoufromyourself,Iwasmostvile,andfiredyouwithdesiresforfreedomthatunderthepeculiarcircumstanceswerewicked,setaballrollingthatImighthaveforeseencouldneverafterwardsbestopped,putthoughtsintoyourheadthatneverwithoutmewouldhaveenteredit,embarkedyouonanenterpriseinwhichthehappinessofyourwholelifewasdoomedtoshipwreck." Shestirredalittle,andsighedafaintprotest. "Thisisveryterribletome—ofacrushing,killingweight.LetitnotalsohavetobesaidthatImangledyourverysoul,dimmedyourreason,impairedthesweetsanity,theniceadjustmentofwhatIknowwasonceafairandbalancedmind." Sheraisedherheadslowlyandlookedathim."What?"shesaid."Doyouthink—doyouthinkI'mgoingmad?" "Ithinkitverylikely,ma'am,"saidFritzingwithconviction. Astartledexpressioncreptintohereyes. "Somuchmorbidintrospection,"hewenton,"followedbyhoursofweepingandfasting,ifindulgedinlongenoughwillcertainlyhavethatresult.Apersonwhofastsasufficientlengthoftimeinvariablypartspiecemealwithvaluableportionsofhiswits." Shestretchedoutherhand. Hemistooktheactionandbentdownandkissedit. "No,"saidPriscilla,"Iwantthemilk." Hesnatcheditupandgaveittoher,watchingherdrinkwithalltherelief,thethankfulnessofamotherwhosechild'ssicknesstakesaturnforthebetter.Whenshehadfinishedshegavehimbacktheglass."Fritzi,"shesaid,lookingathimwitheyeswideopennowanddarkwithanxiousquestioning,"wewon'treproachourselvesthenifwecanhelpit—" "Certainlynot,ma'am—amostfutilethingtodo." "I'lltrytobelievewhatyousayaboutme,ifyoupromisetobelievewhatIsayaboutyou." "Ma'am,I'llbelieveanythingifonlyyouwillbereasonable." "You'vebeeneverythingtome—that'swhatIwanttosay.Always,eversinceIcanremember." "Andyou,ma'am?Whathaveyounotbeentome?" "Andthere'snothing,nothingyoucanblameyourselffor." "Ma'am—" "You'vebeentoogood,toounselfish,andI'vedraggedyoudown." "Ma'am—" "Well,wewon'tbeginagain.Buttellmeonething—andtellmethetruth—ohFritzitellmethetruthasyouvalueyoursoul—doyouanywhereseetheleastlightonourfuture?Doyouanywhereseeevenabit,asmallestbitofhope?" Hetookherhandagainandkisseditthenliftedhisheadandlookedatherverysolemnly."No,ma'am,"hesaidwiththedecisionofanunshakableconviction,"uponmyimmortalsoulIdonotseeashred."