XIX

Priscillawenthomedazed.Allhersuitorshithertohadapproachedherceremoniously,timidly,throughtheGrandDukeandweknowtheyhadnotapproachedverynear.Butherewasone,timidenoughinhealth,whowaspositivelyrecklessundercircumstancesthatmademostpeoplemeek.Hehadproposedtoherarrayedinablueflannelnightingale,andPriscillafeltthatheadlongself-effacementcouldgonofurther."Hemusthaveagreatsoul,"shesaidtoherselfoverandoveragainduringthedrivehome,"agreat,greatsoul."Anditseemedoflittleusewipinghertearsaway,somanyfreshonesimmediatelytooktheirplace. SheachedoverTussieandTussie'smother.Whathadshedone?Shefeltshehaddonewrongyethow,exceptbyjustexisting?andshedidfeelshecouldn'thelpdoingthat.Certainlyshehadmadetwokindheartsextremelymiserable,—onewasmiserablenow,andtheotherdidn'tyetknowhowmiserableitwasgoingtobe.Sheoughttohaveknown,sheoughttohavethought,sheoughttohaveforeseen.Sheofallpersonsintheworldoughttohavebeencarefulwithyoungmenwhobelievedhertobeoftheirownclass.ContritionandwoetookpossessionofPriscilla'ssoul.Sheknewitwastruethatshecouldnothelpexisting,butsheknewbesides,farbackinaremoteandseldominvestigatedcornerofhermind,acorneronwhichshedidnotcaretoturnthelightofcarefulcriticism,thatsheoughtnottobeexistinginSymford.Itwasbecauseshewasthere,outofherpropersphere,inaplaceshehadnobusinesstobeinatall,thatthesestrangeandheart-wringingsceneswithyoungmenoccurred.AndFritzingwouldnoticeherredeyesandaskwhathadhappenedandherewithintwodayswasasecondstorytobetoldofayoungmanunintentionallyhurriedtohisdoom.WouldFritzingbeangry?Sheneverknewbeforehand.Wouldhe,onlyrememberingshewasgrandducal,regarditasaninsultandwanttofightTussie?ThevisionofpoorTussie,weak,fevered,embeddedinpillows,swathedinflannel,receivingbloodthirstymessagesofdefiancefromFritzingupsetherintomoretears.Fritzing,shefeltatthatmoment,wasatrial.Heburdenedherwithhisgiganticeffortstokeepherfromburdens.Heburdenedherwithhisinflatednotionsofhowburdenlesssheoughttobe.Hewasadmirable,unselfish,devotedbutshefeltitwaspossibletobetooadmirable,toounselfish,toodevoted.InawordPriscilla'smindwasinastateofupheaval,andtheonlyrayoflightshesawanywhere—andneverwasraymorewatery—wasthatTussie,forthemomentatleast,wascontent.Theattitudeofhismother,ontheotherhand,wasdistressinganddisturbing.TherehadbeennomoreMydearsandotherkindways.Shehadwatchedhercryingonthestairsinstonysilence,hadgonedownwithhertothedoorinstonysilence,andjustatthelasthadsaidinanunmistakablystonyvoice,"Allthisisverycruel." Priscillawasoverwhelmedbythedifficultiesoflife.Theworldwastoomuchwithher,shefelt,averygreatdealtoomuch.ShesenttheShuttleworthcarriageawayattheentrancetothevillageandwentintositwithMrs.Jonesalittle,sothathereyesmightlosetheirrednessbeforeshefacedFritzingandMrs.Joneswassogladtoseeher,sofullofpraisesofherunselfishgoodnessincomingin,thatonceagainPriscillawasforcedtobeashamedofherselfandofeverythingshedid. "I'mnotunselfish,andI'mnotgood,"shesaid,smoothingtheoldlady'scoverlet. Mrs.Joneschuckledfaintly."Prettydear,"washeronlycomment. "Idon'tthinkI'mprettyandIknowI'mnotadear,"saidPriscilla,quitevexed. "Ain'tyouthen,deary,"murmuredMrs.Jonessoothingly. Priscillasawitwasnousearguing,andtakinguptheBiblethatalwayslayonthetablebythebedbegantoreadaloud.Shereadandreadtillbothwerequieted,—Mrs.Jonesintoanevidentlysweetsleep,sheherselfintopeace.Thensheleftoffandsatforsometimewatchingtheoldlady,theopenBiblein-herlap,hersoulfilledwithcalmwordsandconsolations,wonderi