CHAPTER XXVIII

Idohopethatyouareashamedofyourself.Itisabitterfeeling,Icantellyou,thefeelingthatoneisthemotherofafool." TowhichKarlchen,stilldazed,repliedbyunhookinghiscollar,wipinghisface,andappealingwithaheart-rendingplaintivenesstoapassingbeer-boytogivehim,umGottesWillen,beer. Axelwasinthedrawing-room,wheretheremainsofKarlchen'svaledictorycoffeeandcakeswerelitteredonatable,whenAnnacamedown."Iamsosorryforyou,"hesaid."PrincessLudwighasbeentellingmewhathashappened." "Don'tbesorryforme.Nothingisthematterwithme.Besorryforthatmostunfortunatelittlesoulupstairs." AxelkissedAnna'srighthand,whichwas,sheknew,thecustomandimmediatelyproceededtokissherotherhand,whichwasnotthecustomatall.Shewaslookingwoebegone,withredeyelidsandwhitecheeksbutafaintcolourcameintoherfaceatthis,forhediditwithsuchunmistakabledevotionthatforthefirsttimeshewondereduneasilywhethertheirpleasantfriendshipwerenotabouttocometoanend. "Don'tbetookind,"shesaid,drawingherhandsawayandtryingtosmile."I—Ifeelsostupidto-day,andwanttocrydreadfully." "Wellthen,Ishoulddoit,andgetitover." "Ididdoit,butIhaven'tgotitover." "Well,don'tthinkofit.Howisthebaroness?" "Justthesame.Thedoctorthinksitserious.Andshehasnoconstitution.Shehasnothadenoughofanythingforyears—notenoughfood,orclothes,or—oranything." Shewentquicklyacrosstothecoffeetabletohidehowmuchshewantedtocry."Havesomecoffee,"shesaidwithherbacktohim,movingthecupsaimlesslyabout. "Don'tforget,"saidAxel,"thatthepoorlady'spastmiseryisovernowanddonewith.Thinkwhatluckhascomeinherwayatlast.Whenshegetsoverthis,heresheis,safewithyou,surroundedbyloveandcareandtenderness—blessingsnotgiventoallofus." "Butshedoesn'tlikeloveandcareandtenderness.Atleast,ifitcomesfromme.Shedislikesme." Axelcouldnotexclaiminsurprise,forhewasnotsurprised.Thebaronesshadappearedtohimtobesohopelesslysourandhow,hethought,shallthehopelesslysourlovethepreternaturallysweet?HelookedthereforeatAnnaarrangingthecupswithrestless,nervousfingers,andwaitedformore. "Whydoyousaythat?"sheasked,stillwithherbacktohim. "Saywhat?" "Thatwhenshegetsoverthisshewillhaveallthosenicethingssurroundingher.Youtoldmewhenfirstshecame,thatifshereallywerethepoordancingwoman'ssisterIoughtonnoaccounttokeepherhere.Don'tyouremember?" "Quitewell.ButamInotrightinsupposingthatyouwillkeepher?Yousee,IknowyoubetternowthanIdidthen." "Ifshelikedbeinghere—ifitmadeherhappy—Iwouldkeepherindefianceofthewholeworld." "Butasitis——?" Shecametohimwithacupofcoldcoffeeinherhands.Hetookit,andstirreditmechanically. "Asitis,"shesaid,"sheisveryill,andhastogetwellagainbeforewebegintodecidethings.Perhaps,"sheadded,lookingupathimwistfully,"thisillnesswillchangeher?" Heshookhishead."Iamafraiditwon't,"hesaid."Foralittlewhile,perhaps—forafewweeksatfirstwhileshestillremembersyournursing,andthen—why,theoldselfoveragain." Heputtheuntastedcoffeedownonthenearesttable."Thereisnogettingaway,"hesaid,comingbacktoher,"fromone'soldself.Thatiswhythisworkyouhaveundertakenissohopeless." "Hopeless?"sheexclaimedinastartledvoice.Hewassayingaloudwhatshehadmorethanoncealmost—neverquite—whisperedinherheartofhearts. "Yououghttohavebegunwiththebaronessthirtyyearsago,tohavehadachanceofsuc