CHAPTER XIX

eoften." "Ishouldthink,"saidAxelpositively,"thathewillcomeveryoftenindeed." "Oh!"saidAnna. Theywalkedoninsilence. "Haveyouconsidered,"hesaidpresently,"whatyouwoulddoifyourother—sisterswanttheirrelationsaskeddowntostaywiththem?Christmas,forinstance,isatimeofgeneralrejoicing,whenthecoldestheartsgrowwarm.Relationswhohavequarrelledalltheyear,seekeachotheroutatChristmasandtalktearfullyoftiesofblood.Andbirthdays—willyourtwelvesistersbecontenttospendtheirtwelvebirthdaysremotefromallmembersoftheirfamily?Birthdayshereareimportantdays.TherewillbeoneamonthnowforyoutocelebrateatKleinwalde." "IhavenotgotfartherthanconsideringKarlchen,"saidAnnawithsomeimpatience. "AmaleKuhr?uber,"saidAxelmusingly,swinginghisstickandgazingupatthefleecycloudsfloatingoverthepinetops,"amaleKuhr?uberwouldbequiteunlikeanythingyouhaveyetseen." "TherearenomaleKuhr?ubers,"saidAnna."Atleast,"sheadded,correctingherself,"Fr?uleinKuhr?ubersaidso.Shesaidshehadnorelationsatall,butperhaps—perhapsshehasforgottensome,andwillrememberthembyandby.Oh,Iwishtheywouldtellmeexactlyhowtheystand,andnottrytohideanything!Ithoughtwehadleftnothingunexplainedintheletters,butnowKarlchen—itseems——"Shestoppedandbitherlip.Shewasactuallyonthevergeofcriticising,toAxel,thebehaviourofhersisters."Look,"shesaid,catchingsightofredroofsthroughthethinningtrees,"isn'tthatLohm?Ihaveseenyouhomewithoutknowingit." Sheheldoutherhand."Itisn'tmuchgoodtalking,isit?"shesaid,movedbyasuddenimpulse,andlookingupathimwithaslightlywistfulsmile."Howwetalkandtalkandnevergetanyneareranythingoreachother.Suchanamountofexplainingoneself,andallnouse.Idon'tmeanyouandmeespecially—itisalwaysso,witheveryoneandeverywhere.Itisveryweird.Good-bye." Butheheldherhandandwouldnotlethergo."No,"hesaid,inavoiceshedidnotknow,"waitonemoment.Whywillyounotletmereallyhelpyou?Doyouthinkyouwilleverachieveanythingbyshuttingyoureyestowhatistrue?Isitnotbettertofaceit,andthentodoone'sbest—afterthat,knowingthetruth?WhyareyouangrywheneverItrytotellyouthetruth,orwhatIbelievetobethetruthabouttheseladies?Youarecertaintofinditoutforyourselfoneday.Youforcemetolookonandseeyoubeingdisappointed,andgrieved,andperhapscheated—anyhowyourconfidenceabused—andyoureduceourtalkstogethertoasortofsparringmatchunworthy,quiteunworthyofeitherofus——"Hebrokeoffabruptlyandreleasedherhand.Thepassioninhisvoicewasunmistakable,andshewaslisteningwithastonishedeyes."Iamlecturingyou,"hesaidinhisusualeventones,"Forgivemeforthinkingthatyouaresettingaboutyourplaninawaythatcanneverbesuccessful.Asyousay,wetalkandtalk,andthemorewetalkthelessdoweunderstandeachother.Itisafoolishworld,andapre-eminentlylonelyone." Heliftedhishatandturnedaway.Annaopenedherlipstosaysomething,buthewasgone. Shewenthomeandmeditatedonvolcanoes.