CHAPTER XXXIII

.Ifthisgoldenrimwerequenched,iflifewerenolongercircledbyanillusion(butwasitanillusionafterall?),thenitwouldbetoodismalanaffairtocarrytoanendsohewrotewithasuddenspurtofconvictionwhichmadeclearwayforaspaceandleftatleastonesentencestandingwhole.Makingeveryallowanceforotherdesires,onthewholethisconclusionappearedtohimtojustifytheirrelationship.Buttheconclusionwasmysticalitplungedhimintothought.Thedifficultywithwhicheventhisamountwaswritten,theinadequacyofthewords,andtheneedofwritingunderthemandoverthemotherswhich,afterall,didnobetter,ledhimtoleaveoffbeforehewasatallsatisfiedwithhisproduction,andunabletoresisttheconvictionthatsuchramblingwouldneverbefitforKatharine’seye.Hefelthimselfmorecutofffromherthanever.Inidleness,andbecausehecoulddonothingfurtherwithwords,hebegantodrawlittlefiguresintheblankspaces,headsmeanttoresembleherhead,blotsfringedwithflamesmeanttorepresent—perhapstheentireuniverse.Fromthisoccupationhewasrousedbythemessagethataladywishedtospeaktohim.Hehadscarcelytimetorunhishandsthroughhishairinordertolookasmuchlikeasolicitoraspossible,andtocramhispapersintohispocket,alreadyovercomewithshamethatanothereyeshouldbeholdthem,whenherealizedthathispreparationswereneedless.TheladywasMrs.Hilbery. “Ihopeyou’renotdisposingofsomebody’sfortuneinahurry,”sheremarked,gazingatthedocumentsonhistable,“orcuttingoffanentailatoneblow,becauseIwanttoaskyoutodomeafavor.AndAndersonwon’tkeephishorsewaiting.(Andersonisaperfecttyrant,buthedrovemydearfathertotheAbbeythedaytheyburiedhim.)Imadeboldtocometoyou,Mr.Denham,notexactlyinsearchoflegalassistance(thoughIdon’tknowwhoI’drathercometo,ifIwereintrouble),butinordertoaskyourhelpinsettlingsometiresomelittledomesticaffairsthathaveariseninmyabsence.I’vebeentoStratford-on-Avon(Imusttellyouallaboutthatoneofthesedays),andthereIgotaletterfrommysister-in-law,adearkindgoosewholikesinterferingwithotherpeople’schildrenbecauseshe’sgotnoneofherown.(We’redreadfullyafraidthatshe’sgoingtolosethesightofoneofhereyes,andIalwaysfeelthatourphysicalailmentsaresoapttoturnintomentalailments.IthinkMatthewArnoldsayssomethingofthesamekindaboutLordByron.)Butthat’sneitherherenorthere.” Theeffectoftheseparentheses,whethertheywereintroducedforthatpurposeorrepresentedanaturalinstinctonMrs.Hilbery’sparttoembellishthebarenessofherdiscourse,gaveRalphtimetoperceivethatshepossessedallthefactsoftheirsituationandwascome,somehow,inthecapacityofambassador. “Ididn’tcomeheretotalkaboutLordByron,”Mrs.Hilberycontinued,withalittlelaugh,“thoughIknowthatbothyouandKatharine,unlikeotheryoungpeopleofyourgeneration,stillfindhimworthreading.”Shepaused.“I’msogladyou’vemadeKatharinereadpoetry,Mr.Denham!”sheexclaimed,“andfeelpoetry,andlookpoetry!Shecan’ttalkityet,butshewill—oh,shewill!” Ralph,whosehandwasgraspedandwhosetonguealmostrefusedtoarticulate,somehowcontrivedtosaythatthereweremomentswhenhefelthopeless,utterlyhopeless,thoughhegavenoreasonforthisstatementonhispart. “Butyoucareforher?”Mrs.Hilberyinquired. “GoodGod!”heexclaimed,withavehemencewhichadmittedofnoquestion. “It’stheChurchofEnglandserviceyoubothobjectto?”Mrs.Hilberyinquiredinnocently. “Idon’tcareadamnwhatserviceitis,”Ralphreplied. “YouwouldmarryherinWestminsterAbbeyiftheworstcametotheworst?”Mrs.Hilberyinquired. “IwouldmarryherinSt.Paul’sCathedral,”Ralphreplied.Hisdoubtsuponthispoint,whichwerealwaysrousedbyKatharine’spresence,hadvanishedcompletely,andhisstrongestwishintheworldwastobewithherimmediately,sinceeverysecondhewasawayfromherheimaginedherslippingfartherandfartherfromhimintooneofthosestatesofmindinwhichhewasunrepresented.Hewishedtodominateher,topossessher. “ThankGod!”exclaimedMrs.Hilbery.ShethankedHimforavarietyofblessings:fortheconvictionwithwhichtheyoungmanspokeandnotleastfortheprospectthatonherdaughter’swedding-daythenoblecadences,thestatelyperiods,theancienteloquenceofthemarriageservicewouldresoundovertheheadsofadistinguishedcongregationgatheredtogetherneartheveryspotwhereherfatherlayquiescentwiththeotherpoetsofEngland.Thetearsfilledhereyesbutsherememberedsimultaneouslythathercarriagewaswaiting,andwithdimeyesshewalkedtothedoor.Denhamfollowedherdownstairs. Itwasastrangedrive.ForDenhamitwaswithoutexceptionthemostunpleasanthehadevertaken.HisonlywishwastogoasstraightlyandquicklyaspossibletoCheyneWalkbutitsoonappearedthatMrs.Hilberyeitherignoredorthoughtfittobafflethisdesirebyinterposingvariouserrandsofherown.Shestoppedthecarriageatpost-offices,andcoffee-shops,andshopsofinscrutabledignitywheretheagedattendantshadtobegreetedasoldfriendsand,catchingsightofthedomeofSt.Paul’sabovetheirregularspiresofLudgateHill,shepulledthecordimpulsively,andgavedirectionsthatAndersonshoulddrivethemthere.ButAndersonhadreasonsofhisownfordiscouragingafternoonworship,andkepthishorse’snoseobstinatelytowardsthewest.Aftersomeminutes,Mrs.Hilberyrealizedthesituation,andaccepteditgood-humoredly,apologizingtoRalphforhisdisappointment. “Nevermind,”shesaid,“we’llgotoSt.Paul’sanotherday,anditmayturnout,thoughIcan’tpromisethatitwill,thathe’lltakeuspastWestminsterAbbey,whichwouldbeevenbetter.” Ralphwasscarcelyawareofwhatshewentontosay.Hermindandbodybothseemedtohavefloatedintoanotherregionofquick-sailingcloudsrapidlypassingacrosseachotherandenvelopingeverythinginavaporousindistinctness.Meanwhileheremainedconsciousofhisownconcentrateddesire,hisimpotencetobringaboutanythinghewished,andhisincreasingagonyofimpatience. SuddenlyMrs.HilberypulledthecordwithsuchdecisionthatevenAndersonhadtolistentotheorderwhichsheleantoutofthewindowtogivehim.ThecarriagepulledupabruptlyinthemiddleofWhitehallbeforealargebuildingdedicatedtooneofourGovernmentoffices.InasecondMrs.Hilberywasmountingthesteps,andRalphwasleftintooacuteanirritationbythisfurtherdelayeventospeculatewhaterrandtookhernowtotheBoardofEducation.Hewasabouttojumpfromthecarriageandtakeacab,whenMrs.Hilberyreappearedtalkinggeniallytoafigurewhoremainedhiddenbehindher. “There’splentyofroomforusall,”shewassaying.“Plentyofroom.WecouldfindspaceforFOURofyou,William,”sheadded,openingthedoor,andRalphfoundthatRodneyhadnowjoinedtheircompany.Thetwomenglancedateachother.Ifdistress,shame,discomfortinitsmostacuteformwereevervisibleuponahumanface,Ralphcouldreadthemallexpressedbeyondtheeloquenceofwordsuponthefaceofhisunfortunatecompanion.ButMrs.Hilberywaseithercompletelyunseeingordeterminedtoappearso.Shewentontalkingshetalked,itseemedtoboththeyoungmen,tosomeoneoutside,upintheair.ShetalkedaboutShakespeare,sheapostrophizedthehumanrace,sheproclaimedthevirtuesofdivinepoetry,shebegantoreciteverseswhichbrokedowninthemiddle.Thegreatadvantageofherdiscoursewasthatitwasself-supporting.ItnourisheditselfuntilCheyneWalkwasreacheduponhalfadozengruntsandmurmurs. “Now,”shesaid,alightingbrisklyatherdoor,“hereweare!” Therewassomethingairyandironicalinhervoiceandexpressionassheturneduponthedoorstepandlookedatthem,whichfilledbothRodneyandDenhamwiththesamemisgivingsathavingtrustedtheirfortunestosuchanambassadorandRodneyactuallyhesitateduponthethresholdandmurmuredtoDenham: “Yougoin,Denham.I...”Hewasturningtail,butthedooropeningandthefamiliarlookofthehouseassertingitscharm,heboltedinonthewakeoftheothers,andthedoorshutuponhisescape.Mrs.Hilberyledthewayupstairs.Shetookthemtothedrawing-room.Thefireburntasusual,thelittletableswerelaidwithchinaandsilver.Therewasnobodythere. “Ah,”shesaid,“Katharine’snothere.Shemustbeupstairsinherroom.Youhavesomethingtosaytoher,Iknow,Mr.Denham.Youcanfindyourway?”shevaguelyindicatedtheceilingwithagestureofherhand