CHAPTER XXXII

alfanhour.YouhadnolapseuntilthedayafterIhadnolapseuntilyesterdaymorning.We’vebeenhappyatintervalsalldayuntilI—wentoffmyhead,andyou,quitenaturally,werebored.” “Ah,”sheexclaimed,asifthesubjectchafedher,“Ican’tmakeyouunderstand.It’snotboredom—I’mneverbored.Reality—reality,”sheejaculated,tappingherfingeruponthetableasiftoemphasizeandperhapsexplainherisolatedutteranceofthisword.“Iceasetoberealtoyou.It’sthefacesinastormagain—thevisioninahurricane.Wecometogetherforamomentandwepart.It’smyfault,too.I’masbadasyouare—worse,perhaps.” Theyweretryingtoexplain,notforthefirsttime,astheirwearygesturesandfrequentinterruptionsshowed,whatintheircommonlanguagetheyhadchristenedtheir“lapses”aconstantsourceofdistresstothem,inthepastfewdays,andtheimmediatereasonwhyRalphwasonhiswaytoleavethehousewhenKatharine,listeninganxiously,heardhimandpreventedhim.Whatwasthecauseoftheselapses?EitherbecauseKatharinelookedmorebeautiful,ormorestrange,becausesheworesomethingdifferent,orsaidsomethingunexpected,Ralph’ssenseofherromancewelledupandovercamehimeitherintosilenceorintoinarticulateexpressions,whichKatharine,withunintentionalbutinvariableperversity,interruptedorcontradictedwithsomeseverityorassertionofprosaicfact.Thenthevisiondisappeared,andRalphexpressedvehementlyinhisturntheconvictionthatheonlylovedhershadowandcarednothingforherreality.Ifthelapsewasonhersideittooktheformofgradualdetachmentuntilshebecamecompletelyabsorbedinherownthoughts,whichcarriedherawaywithsuchintensitythatshesharplyresentedanyrecalltohercompanion’sside.ItwasuselesstoassertthatthesetranceswerealwaysoriginatedbyRalphhimself,howeverlittleintheirlaterstagestheyhadtodowithhim.Thefactremainedthatshehadnoneedofhimandwasveryloathtoberemindedofhim.How,then,couldtheybeinlove?Thefragmentarynatureoftheirrelationshipwasbuttooapparent. Thustheysatdepressedtosilenceatthedining-roomtable,obliviousofeverything,whileRodneypacedthedrawing-roomoverheadinsuchagitationandexaltationofmindashehadneverconceivedpossible,andCassandraremainedalonewithheruncle.Ralph,atlength,roseandwalkedgloomilytothewindow.Hepressedclosetothepane.Outsideweretruthandfreedomandtheimmensityonlytobeapprehendedbythemindinloneliness,andnevercommunicatedtoanother.Whatworsesacrilegewastherethantoattempttoviolatewhatheperceivedbyseekingtoimpartit?SomemovementbehindhimmadehimreflectthatKatharinehadthepower,ifshechose,tobeinpersonwhathedreamedofherspirit.Heturnedsharplytoimploreherhelp,whenagainhewasstruckcoldbyherlookofdistance,herexpressionofintentnessuponsomefarobject.Asifconsciousofhislookuponhersheroseandcametohim,standingclosebyhisside,andlookingwithhimoutintotheduskyatmosphere.Theirphysicalclosenesswastohimabitterenoughcommentuponthedistancebetweentheirminds.Yetdistantasshewas,herpresencebyhissidetransformedtheworld.Hesawhimselfperformingwonderfuldeedsofcouragesavingthedrowning,rescuingtheforlorn.Impatientwiththisformofegotism,hecouldnotshakeofftheconvictionthatsomehowlifewaswonderful,romantic,amasterworthservingsolongasshestoodthere.Hehadnowishthatsheshouldspeakhedidnotlookatherortouchhershewasapparentlydeepinherownthoughtsandobliviousofhispresence. Thedooropenedwithouttheirhearingthesound.Mr.Hilberylookedroundtheroom,andforamomentfailedtodiscoverthetwofiguresinthewindow.Hestartedwithdispleasurewhenhesawthem,andobservedthemkeenlybeforeheappearedabletomakeuphismindtosayanything.Hemadeamovementfinallythatwarnedthemofhispresencetheyturnedinstantly.Withoutspeaking,hebeckonedtoKatharinetocometohim,and,keepinghiseyesfromtheregionoftheroomwhereDenhamstood,heshepherdedherinfrontofhimbacktothestudy.WhenKatharinewasinsidetheroomheshutthestudydoorcarefullybehindhimasiftosecurehimselffromsomethingthathedisliked. “Now,Katharine,”hesaid,takinguphisstandinfrontofthefire,“youwill,perhaps,havethekindnesstoexplain—”Sheremainedsilent.“Whatinferencesdoyouexpectmetodraw?”hesaidsharply....“YoutellmethatyouarenotengagedtoRodneyIseeyouonwhatappeartobeextremelyintimatetermswithanother—withRalphDenham.WhatamItoconclude?Areyou,”headded,asshestillsaidnothing,“engagedtoRalphDenham?” “No,”shereplied. Hissenseofreliefwasgreathehadbeencertainthatheranswerwouldhaveconfirmedhissuspicions,butthatanxietybeingsetatrest,hewasthemoreconsciousofannoyancewithherforherbehavior. “ThenallIcansayisthatyou’veverystrangeideasoftheproperwaytobehave....Peoplehavedrawncertainconclusions,noramIsurprised....ThemoreIthinkofitthemoreinexplicableIfindit,”hewenton,hisangerrisingashespoke.“WhyamIleftinignoranceofwhatisgoingoninmyownhouse?WhyamIlefttohearoftheseeventsforthefirsttimefrommysister?Mostdisagreeable—mostupsetting.HowI’mtoexplaintoyourUncleFrancis—butIwashmyhandsofit.Cassandragoestomorrow.IforbidRodneythehouse.Asfortheotheryoungman,thesoonerhemakeshimselfscarcethebetter.Afterplacingthemostimplicittrustinyou,Katharine—”Hebrokeoff,disquietedbytheominoussilencewithwhichhiswordswerereceived,andlookedathisdaughterwiththecuriousdoubtastoherstateofmindwhichhehadfeltbefore,forthefirsttime,thisevening.Heperceivedoncemorethatshewasnotattendingtowhathesaid,butwaslistening,andforamomenthe,too,listenedforsoundsoutsidetheroom.HiscertaintythattherewassomeunderstandingbetweenDenhamandKatharinereturned,butwithamostunpleasantsuspicionthattherewassomethingillicitaboutit,asthewholepositionbetweentheyoungpeopleseemedtohimgravelyillicit. “I’llspeaktoDenham,”hesaid,ontheimpulseofhissuspicion,movingasiftogo. “Ishallcomewithyou,”Katharinesaidinstantly,startingforward. “Youwillstayhere,”saidherfather. “Whatareyougoingtosaytohim?”sheasked. “IsupposeImaysaywhatIlikeinmyownhouse?”hereturned. “ThenIgo,too,”shereplied. Atthesewords,whichseemedtoimplyadeterminationtogo—togoforever,Mr.Hilberyreturnedtohispositioninfrontofthefire,andbeganswayingslightlyfromsidetosidewithoutforthemomentmakinganyremark. “Iunderstoodyoutosaythatyouwerenotengagedtohim,”hesaidatlength,fixinghiseyesuponhisdaughter. “Wearenotengaged,”shesaid. “Itshouldbeamatterofindifferencetoyou,then,whetherhecomeshereornot—IwillnothaveyoulisteningtootherthingswhenIamspeakingtoyou!”hebrokeoffangrily,perceivingaslightmovementonherparttooneside.“Answermefrankly,whatisyourrelationshipwiththisyoungman?” “NothingthatIcanexplaintoathirdperson,”shesaidobstinately. “Iwillhavenomoreoftheseequivocations,”hereplied. “Irefusetoexplain,”shereturned,andasshesaiditthefrontdoorbangedto.“There!”sheexclaimed.“Heisgone!”Sheflashedsuchalookoffieryindignationatherfatherthathelosthisself-controlforamoment. “ForGod’ssake,Katharine,controlyourself!”hecried. Shelookedforamomentlikeawildanimalcagedinacivilizeddwelling-place.Sheglancedoverthewallscoveredwithbooks,asifforasecondshehadforgottenthepositionofthedoor.Thenshemadeasiftogo,butherfatherlaidhishanduponhershoulder.Hecompelledhertositdown. “Theseemotionshavebeenveryupsetting,naturally,”hesaid.Hismannerhadregainedallitssuavity,andhespokewithasoothingassumptionofpaternalauthority.“You’vebeenplacedinaverydifficultposition,asIunderstandfromCassandra.Nowletuscometotermswewillleavetheseagitatingquestionsinpeaceforthepresent.Meanwhile,letustrytobehavelikecivilizedbeings.LetusreadSirWalterScott.Whatd’yousayto‘TheAntiquary,’eh?Or‘TheBrideofLammermoor’?” Hemadehisownchoice,andbeforehisdaughtercouldprotestormakeherescape,shefoundherselfbeingturnedbytheagencyofSirWalterScottintoacivilizedhumanbeing. YetMr.Hilberyhadgravedoubts,asheread,whethertheprocesswasmorethanskin-deep.Civilizationhadbeenveryprofoundlyandunpleasantlyoverthrownthateveningtheextentoftheruinwasstillundeterminedhehadlosthistemper,aphysicaldisasternottobematchedforthespaceoftenyearsorsoandhisownconditionurgentlyrequiredsoothingandrenovatingatthehandsoftheclassics.Hishousewasinastateofrevolutionhehadavisionofunpleasantencountersonthestaircasehismealswouldbepoisonedfordaystocomewasliteratureitselfaspecificagainstsuchdisagreeables?Anoteofhollownesswasinhisvoiceasheread.