CHAPTER XXV
關燈
小
中
大
.Therearefeelingstobeconsidered.Peoplearen’tsimple,andthoughtheymaymeantobereasonable,theyend”—intheconditioninwhichshefoundherself,shemeant,butaddedlamely—“inamuddle.”
“Because,”Denhaminstantlyintervened,“theydon’tmakethemselvesunderstoodatthebeginning.Icouldundertake,atthisinstant,”hecontinued,withareasonableintonationwhichdidmuchcredittohisself-control,“tolaydowntermsforafriendshipwhichshouldbeperfectlysincereandperfectlystraightforward.”
Shewascurioustohearthem,but,besidesfeelingthatthetopicconcealeddangersbetterknowntoherthantohim,shewasremindedbyhistoneofhiscuriousabstractdeclarationupontheEmbankment.Anythingthathintedatloveforthemomentalarmedheritwasasmuchaninflictiontoherastherubbingofaskinlesswound.
Buthewenton,withoutwaitingforherinvitation.
“Inthefirstplace,suchafriendshipmustbeunemotional,”helaiditdownemphatically.“Atleast,onbothsidesitmustbeunderstoodthatifeitherchoosestofallinlove,heorshedoessoentirelyathisownrisk.Neitherisunderanyobligationtotheother.Theymustbeatlibertytobreakortoalteratanymoment.Theymustbeabletosaywhatevertheywishtosay.Allthismustbeunderstood.”
“Andtheygainsomethingworthhaving?”sheasked.
“It’sarisk—ofcourseit’sarisk,”hereplied.Theword
wasonethatshehadbeenusingfrequentlyinherargumentswithherselfoflate.
“Butit’stheonlyway—ifyouthinkfriendshipworthhaving,”heconcluded.
“Perhapsunderthoseconditionsitmightbe,”shesaidreflectively.
“Well,”hesaid,“thosearethetermsofthefriendshipIwishtoofferyou.”Shehadknownthatthiswascoming,but,nonetheless,feltalittleshock,halfofpleasure,halfofreluctance,whensheheardtheformalstatement.
“Ishouldlikeit,”shebegan,“but—”
“WouldRodneymind?”
“Ohno,”sherepliedquickly.
“No,no,itisn’tthat,”shewenton,andagaincametoanend.Shehadbeentouchedbytheunreservedandyetceremoniouswayinwhichhehadmadewhathecalledhisofferofterms,butifhewasgenerousitwasthemorenecessaryforhertobecautious.Theywouldfindthemselvesindifficulties,shespeculatedbut,atthispoint,whichwasnotveryfar,afterall,upontheroadofcaution,herforesightdesertedher.Shesoughtforsomedefinitecatastropheintowhichtheymustinevitablyplunge.Butshecouldthinkofnone.Itseemedtoherthatthesecatastropheswerefictitiouslifewentonandon—lifewasdifferentaltogetherfromwhatpeoplesaid.Andnotonlywassheatanendofherstockofcaution,butitseemedsuddenlyaltogethersuperfluous.Surelyifanyonecouldtakecareofhimself,RalphDenhamcouldhehadtoldherthathedidnotloveher.And,further,shemeditated,walkingonbeneaththebeech-treesandswingingherumbrella,asinherthoughtshewasaccustomedtocompletefreedom,whyshouldsheperpetuallyapplysodifferentastandardtoherbehaviorinpractice?Why,shereflected,shouldtherebethisperpetualdisparitybetweenthethoughtandtheaction,betweenthelifeofsolitudeandthelifeofsociety,thisastonishingprecipiceononesideofwhichthesoulwasactiveandinbroaddaylight,ontheothersideofwhichitwascontemplativeanddarkasnight?Wasitnotpossibletostepfromonetotheother,erect,andwithoutessentialchange?Wasthisnotthechanceheofferedher—therareandwonderfulchanceoffriendship?Atanyrate,shetoldDenham,withasighinwhichheheardbothimpatienceandrelief,thatsheagreedshethoughthimrightshewouldaccepthistermsoffriendship.
“Now,”shesaid,“let’sgoandhavetea.”
Infact,theseprincipleshavingbeenlaiddown,agreatlightnessofspiritshoweditselfinbothofthem.Theywerebothconvincedthatsomethingofprofoundimportancehadbeensettled,andcouldnowgivetheirattentiontotheirteaandtheGardens.Theywanderedinandoutofglass-houses,sawliliesswimmingintanks,breathedinthescentofthousandsofcarnations,andcomparedtheirrespectivetastesinthematteroftreesandlakes.Whiletalkingexclusivelyofwhattheysaw,sothatanyonemighthaveoverheardthem,theyfeltthatthecompactbetweenthemwasmadefirmeranddeeperbythenumberofpeoplewhopassedthemandsuspectednothingofthekind.ThequestionofRalph’scottageandfuturewasnotmentionedagain.
