CHAPTER XXIII

sationasthatwhichhefeltinherpresence.Hehimselfwasalsostrangelytransfigured.Hehadcompletemasteryofallhisfaculties.Forthefirsttimehewasinpossessionofhisfullpowers.Thevistaswhichopenedbeforehimseemedtohavenoperceptibleend.Butthemoodhadnoneoftherestlessnessorfeverishdesiretoaddonedelighttoanotherwhichhadhithertomarked,andsomewhatspoilt,themostrapturousofhisimaginings.Itwasamoodthattooksuchclear-eyedaccountoftheconditionsofhumanlifethathewasnotdisturbedintheleastbytheglidingpresenceofataxicab,andwithoutagitationheperceivedthatKatharinewasconsciousofitalso,andturnedherheadinthatdirection.Theirhaltingstepsacknowledgedthedesirabilityofengagingthecabandtheystoppedsimultaneously,andsignedtoit. “Thenyouwillletmeknowyourdecisionassoonasyoucan?”heasked,withhishandonthedoor. Shehesitatedforamoment.Shecouldnotimmediatelyrecallwhatthequestionwasthatshehadtodecide. “Iwillwrite,”shesaidvaguely.“No,”sheadded,inasecond,bethinkingherofthedifficultiesofwritinganythingdecideduponaquestiontowhichshehadpaidnoattention,“Idon’tseehowtomanageit.” ShestoodlookingatDenham,consideringandhesitating,withherfootuponthestep.Heguessedherdifficultiesheknewinasecondthatshehadheardnothinghekneweverythingthatshefelt. “There’sonlyoneplacetodiscussthingssatisfactorilythatIknowof,”hesaidquickly“that’sKew.” “Kew?” “Kew,”herepeated,withimmensedecision.Heshutthedoorandgaveheraddresstothedriver.Sheinstantlywasconveyedawayfromhim,andhercabjoinedtheknottedstreamofvehicles,eachmarkedbyalight,andindistinguishableonefromtheother.Hestoodwatchingforamoment,andthen,asifsweptbysomefierceimpulse,fromthespotwheretheyhadstood,heturned,crossedtheroadatarapidpace,anddisappeared. Hewalkedonupontheimpetusofthislastmoodofalmostsupernaturalexaltationuntilhereachedanarrowstreet,atthishouremptyoftrafficandpassengers.Here,whetheritwastheshopswiththeirshutteredwindows,thesmoothandsilveredcurveofthewoodpavement,oranaturalebboffeeling,hisexaltationslowlyoozedanddesertedhim.HewasnowconsciousofthelossthatfollowsanyrevelationhehadlostsomethinginspeakingtoKatharine,for,afterall,wastheKatharinewhomhelovedthesameastherealKatharine?Shehadtranscendedherentirelyatmomentsherskirthadblown,herfeatherwaved,hervoicespokenyes,buthowterriblesometimesthepausebetweenthevoiceofone’sdreamsandthevoicethatcomesfromtheobjectofone’sdreams!Hefeltamixtureofdisgustandpityatthefigurecutbyhumanbeingswhentheytrytocarryout,inpractice,whattheyhavethepowertoconceive.HowsmallbothheandKatharinehadappearedwhentheyissuedfromthecloudofthoughtthatenvelopedthem!Herecalledthesmall,inexpressive,commonplacewordsinwhichtheyhadtriedtocommunicatewitheachotherherepeatedthemovertohimself.ByrepeatingKatharine’swords,hecameinafewmomentstosuchasenseofherpresencethatheworshippedhermorethanever.Butshewasengagedtobemarried,herememberedwithastart.Thestrengthofhisfeelingwasrevealedtohiminstantly,andhegavehimselfuptoanirresistiblerageandsenseoffrustration.TheimageofRodneycamebeforehimwitheverycircumstanceoffollyandindignity.Thatlittlepink-cheekeddancing-mastertomarryKatharine?thatgibberingasswiththefaceofamonkeyonanorgan?thatposing,vain,fantasticalfop?withhistragediesandhiscomedies,hisinnumerablespitesandpridesandpettinesses?Lord!marryRodney!Shemustbeasgreatafoolashewas.Hisbitternesstookpossessionofhim,andashesatinthecorneroftheundergroundcarriage,helookedasstarkanimageofunapproachableseverityascouldbeimagined.Directlyhereachedhomehesatdownathistable,andbegantowriteKatharinealong,wild,madletter,beggingherforboththeirsakestobreakwithRodney,imploringhernottodowhatwoulddestroyforevertheonebeauty,theonetruth,theonehopenottobeatraitor,nottobeadeserter,forifshewere—andhewoundupwithaquietandbriefassertionthat,whatevershedidorleftundone,hewouldbelievetobethebest,andacceptfromherwithgratitude.Hecoveredsheetaftersheet,andheardtheearlycartsstartingforLondonbeforehewenttobed.