CHAPTER XXIII

edistance.Hewasthusprecipitatedintospeech. “Shouldyoumindifwewalkedalittlefarther?”heasked.“There’ssomethingIwanttosaytoyou.” “Verywell,”shereplied,guessingthathisrequesthadsomethingtodowithMaryDatchet. “It’squieterbytheriver,”hesaid,andinstantlyhecrossedover.“Iwanttoaskyoumerelythis,”hebegan.Buthepausedsolongthatshecouldseehisheadagainsttheskytheslopeofhisthincheekandhislarge,strongnosewereclearlymarkedagainstit.Whilehepaused,wordsthatwerequitedifferentfromthoseheintendedtousepresentedthemselves. “I’vemadeyoumystandardeversinceIsawyou.I’vedreamtaboutyouI’vethoughtofnothingbutyouyourepresenttometheonlyrealityintheworld.” Hiswords,andthequeerstrainedvoiceinwhichhespokethem,madeitappearasifheaddressedsomepersonwhowasnotthewomanbesidehim,butsomeonefaraway. “Andnowthingshavecometosuchapassthat,unlessIcanspeaktoyouopenly,IbelieveIshallgomad.Ithinkofyouasthemostbeautiful,thetruestthingintheworld,”hecontinued,filledwithasenseofexaltation,andfeelingthathehadnoneednowtochoosehiswordswithpedanticaccuracy,forwhathewantedtosaywassuddenlybecomeplaintohim. “Iseeyoueverywhere,inthestars,intherivertomeyou’reeverythingthatexiststherealityofeverything.Life,Itellyou,wouldbeimpossiblewithoutyou.AndnowIwant—” Shehadheardhimsofarwithafeelingthatshehaddroppedsomematerialwordwhichmadesenseoftherest.Shecouldhearnomoreofthisunintelligibleramblingwithoutcheckinghim.Shefeltthatshewasoverhearingwhatwasmeantforanother. “Idon’tunderstand,”shesaid.“You’resayingthingsthatyoudon’tmean.” “ImeaneverywordIsay,”hereplied,emphatically.Heturnedhisheadtowardsher.Sherecoveredthewordsshewassearchingforwhilehespoke.“RalphDenhamisinlovewithyou.”TheycamebacktoherinMaryDatchet’svoice.Herangerblazedupinher. “IsawMaryDatchetthisafternoon,”sheexclaimed. Hemadeamovementasifheweresurprisedortakenaback,butansweredinamoment: “ShetoldyouthatIhadaskedhertomarryme,Isuppose?” “No!”Katharineexclaimed,insurprise. “Ididthough.ItwasthedayIsawyouatLincoln,”hecontinued.“Ihadmeanttoaskhertomarryme,andthenIlookedoutofthewindowandsawyou.AfterthatIdidn’twanttoaskanyonetomarryme.ButIdiditandsheknewIwaslying,andrefusedme.Ithoughtthen,andstillthink,thatshecaresforme.Ibehavedverybadly.Idon’tdefendmyself.” “No,”saidKatharine,“Ishouldhopenot.There’snodefencethatIcanthinkof.Ifanyconductiswrong,thatis.”Shespokewithanenergythatwasdirectedevenmoreagainstherselfthanagainsthim.“Itseemstome,”shecontinued,withthesameenergy,“thatpeopleareboundtobehonest.There’snoexcuseforsuchbehavior.”ShecouldnowseeplainlybeforehereyestheexpressiononMaryDatchet’sface. Afterashortpause,hesaid: “IamnottellingyouthatIaminlovewithyou.Iamnotinlovewithyou.” “Ididn’tthinkthat,”shereplied,consciousofsomebewilderment. “IhavenotspokenawordtoyouthatIdonotmean,”headded. “Tellmethenwhatitisthatyoumean,”shesaidatlength. Asifobeyingacommoninstinct,theybothstoppedand,bendingslightlyoverthebalustradeoftheriver,lookedintotheflowingwater. “Yousaythatwe’vegottobehonest,”Ralphbegan.“Verywell.IwilltrytotellyouthefactsbutIwarnyou,you’llthinkmemad.It’safact,though,thatsinceIfirstsawyoufourorfivemonthsagoIhavemadeyou,inanutterlyabsurdway,Iexpect,myideal.I’malmostashamedtotellyouwhatlengthsI’vegoneto.It’sbecomethethingthatmattersmostinmylife.”Hecheckedhimself.“Withoutknowingyou,exceptthatyou’rebeautiful,andallthat,I’vecometobelievethatwe’reinsomesortofagreementthatwe’reaftersomethingtogetherthatweseesomething....I’vegotintothehabitofimaginingyouI’malwaysthinkingwhatyou’dsayordoIwalkalongthestreettalkingtoyouIdreamofyou.It’smerelyabadhabit,aschoolboyhabit,day-dreamingit’sacommonexperiencehalfone’sfriendsdothesamewell,thosearethefacts.” Simultaneously,theybothwalkedonveryslowly. “Ifyouweretoknowmeyouwouldfeelnoneofthis,”shesaid.“Wedon’tknoweachother—we’vealwaysbeen—interrupted....Wereyougoingtotellmethisthatdaymyauntscame