CHAPTER XXII

ewenton,withoutwaitingforhertoanswer,“tothefactthatneitherofusisintheleastromanticabouttheother.Thatmaybepartly,nodoubt,becausewe’veknowneachothersolongbutI’minclinedtothinkthere’smoreinitthanthat.There’ssomethingtemperamental.Ithinkyou’reatriflecold,andIsuspectI’matrifleself-absorbed.Ifthatweresoitgoesalongwaytoexplainingouroddlackofillusionabouteachother.I’mnotsayingthatthemostsatisfactorymarriagesaren’tfoundeduponthissortofunderstanding.Butcertainlyitstruckmeasoddthismorning,whenWilsontoldme,howlittleupsetIfelt.Bytheway,you’resurewehaven’tcommittedourselvestothathouse?” “I’vekepttheletters,andI’llgothroughthemto-morrowbutI’mcertainwe’reonthesafeside.” “Thanks.Astothepsychologicalproblem,”hecontinued,asifthequestioninterestedhiminadetachedway,“there’snodoubt,Ithink,thateitherofusiscapableoffeelingwhat,forreasonsofsimplicity,Icallromanceforathirdperson—atleast,I’velittledoubtinmyowncase.” Itwas,perhaps,thefirsttimeinallherknowledgeofhimthatKatharinehadknownWilliamenterthusdeliberatelyandwithoutsignofemotionuponastatementofhisownfeelings.Hewaswonttodiscouragesuchintimatediscussionsbyalittlelaughorturnoftheconversation,asmuchastosaythatmen,ormenoftheworld,findsuchtopicsalittlesilly,orindoubtfultaste.Hisobviouswishtoexplainsomethingpuzzledher,interestedher,andneutralizedthewoundtohervanity.Forsomereason,too,shefeltmoreateasewithhimthanusualorhereasewasmoretheeaseofequality—shecouldnotstoptothinkofthatatthemomentthough.Hisremarksinterestedhertoomuchforthelightthattheythrewuponcertainproblemsofherown. “Whatisthisromance?”shemused. “Ah,that’sthequestion.I’venevercomeacrossadefinitionthatsatisfiedme,thoughtherearesomeverygoodones”—heglancedinthedirectionofhisbooks. “It’snotaltogetherknowingtheotherperson,perhaps—it’signorance,”shehazarded. “Someauthoritiessayit’saquestionofdistance—romanceinliterature,thatis—” “Possibly,inthecaseofart.Butinthecaseofpeopleitmaybe—”shehesitated. “Haveyounopersonalexperienceofit?”heasked,lettinghiseyesrestuponherswiftlyforamoment. “Ibelieveit’sinfluencedmeenormously,”shesaid,inthetoneofoneabsorbedbythepossibilitiesofsomeviewjustpresentedtothem“butinmylifethere’ssolittlescopeforit,”sheadded.Shereviewedherdailytask,theperpetualdemandsuponherforgoodsense,self-control,andaccuracyinahousecontainingaromanticmother.Ah,butherromancewasn’tthatromance.Itwasadesire,anecho,asoundshecoulddrapeitincolor,seeitinform,hearitinmusic,butnotinwordsno,neverinwords.Shesighed,teasedbydesiressoincoherent,soincommunicable. “Butisn’titcurious,”Williamresumed,“thatyoushouldneitherfeelitforme,norIforyou?” Katharineagreedthatitwascurious—verybutevenmorecurioustoherwasthefactthatshewasdiscussingthequestionwithWilliam.Itrevealedpossibilitieswhichopenedaprospectofanewrelationshipaltogether.Somehowitseemedtoherthathewashelpinghertounderstandwhatshehadneverunderstoodandinhergratitudeshewasconsciousofamostsisterlydesiretohelphim,too—sisterly,saveforonepang,notquitetobesubdued,thatforhimshewaswithoutromance. “Ithinkyoumightbeveryhappywithsomeoneyoulovedinthatway,”shesaid. “Youassumethatromancesurvivesacloserknowledgeofthepersononeloves?” Heaskedthequestionformally,toprotecthimselffromthesortofpersonalitywhichhedreaded.Thewholesituationneededthemostcarefulmanagementlestitshoulddegenerateintosomedegradinganddisturbingexhibitionsuchasthescene,whichhecouldneverthinkofwithoutshame,upontheheathamongthedeadleaves.Andyeteachsentencebroughthimrelief.Hewascomingtounderstandsomethingorotherabouthisowndesireshithertoundefinedbyhim,thesourceofhisdifficultywithKatharine.Thewishtohurther,whichhadurgedhimtobegin,hadcompletelylefthim,andhefeltthatitwasonlyKatharinenowwhocouldhelphimtobesure.Hemusttakehistime.Thereweresomanythingsthathecouldnotsaywithoutthegreatestdifficulty—thatname,forexample,Cassandra.Norcouldhemovehiseyesfromacertainspot,afieryglensurroundedbyhighmountains,intheheartofthecoals.HewaitedinsuspenseforKatharinetocontinue.Shehadsaidthathemightbeveryhappywithsomeonehelovedinthatway. “Idon’tseewhyitshouldn’tlastwithyou,”sheresume