CHAPTER XVI

Intothatsameblacknight,almost,indeed,intotheverysamelayerofstarlitair,KatharineHilberywasnowgazing,althoughnotwithaviewtotheprospectsofafinedayforduckshootingonthemorrow.ShewaswalkingupanddownagravelpathinthegardenofStogdonHouse,hersightoftheheavensbeingpartiallyinterceptedbythelightleaflesshoopsofapergola.ThusasprayofclematiswouldcompletelyobscureCassiopeia,orblotoutwithitsblackpatternmyriadsofmilesoftheMilkyWay.Attheendofthepergola,however,therewasastoneseat,fromwhichtheskycouldbeseencompletelysweptclearofanyearthlyinterruption,savetotheright,indeed,wherealineofelm-treeswasbeautifullysprinkledwithstars,andalowstablebuildinghadafulldropofquiveringsilverjustissuingfromthemouthofthechimney.Itwasamoonlessnight,butthelightofthestarswassufficienttoshowtheoutlineoftheyoungwoman’sform,andtheshapeofherfacegazinggravely,indeedalmoststernly,intothesky.Shehadcomeoutintothewinter’snight,whichwasmildenough,notsomuchtolookwithscientificeyesuponthestars,astoshakeherselffreefromcertainpurelyterrestrialdiscontents.Muchasaliterarypersoninlikecircumstanceswouldbegin,absent-mindedly,pullingoutvolumeaftervolume,soshesteppedintothegardeninordertohavethestarsathand,eventhoughshedidnotlookatthem.Nottobehappy,whenshewassupposedtobehappierthanshewouldeverbeagain—that,asfarasshecouldsee,wastheoriginofadiscontentwhichhadbegunalmostassoonasshearrived,twodaysbefore,andseemednowsointolerablethatshehadleftthefamilyparty,andcomeoutheretoconsideritbyherself.Itwasnotshewhothoughtherselfunhappy,buthercousins,whothoughtitforher.Thehousewasfullofcousins,muchofherage,orevenyounger,andamongthemtheyhadsometerriblybrighteyes.TheyseemedalwaysonthesearchforsomethingbetweenherandRodney,whichtheyexpectedtofind,andyetdidnotfindandwhentheysearched,KatharinebecameawareofwantingwhatshehadnotbeenconsciousofwantinginLondon,alonewithWilliamandherparents.Or,ifshedidnotwantit,shemissedit.Andthisstateofminddepressedher,becauseshehadbeenaccustomedalwaystogivecompletesatisfaction,andherself-lovewasnowalittleruffled.Shewouldhavelikedtobreakthroughthereservehabitualtoherinordertojustifyherengagementtosomeonewhoseopinionshevalued.Noonehadspokenawordofcriticism,buttheyleftheralonewithWilliamnotthatthatwouldhavemattered,iftheyhadnotleftheralonesopolitelyand,perhaps,thatwouldnothavematterediftheyhadnotseemedsoqueerlysilent,almostrespectful,inherpresence,whichgavewaytocriticism,shefelt,outofit. Lookingnowandthenatthesky,shewentthroughthelistofhercousins’names:Eleanor,Humphrey,Marmaduke,Silvia,Henry,Cassandra,Gilbert,andMostyn—Henry,thecousinwhotaughttheyoungladiesofBungaytoplayupontheviolin,wastheonlyoneinwhomshecouldconfide,andasshewalkedupanddownbeneaththehoopsofthepergola,shedidbeginalittlespeechtohim,whichransomethinglikethis: “Tobeginwith,I’mveryfondofWilliam.Youcan’tdenythat.Iknowhimbetterthananyone,almost.ButwhyI’mmarryinghimis,partly,Iadmit—I’mbeingquitehonestwithyou,andyoumustn’ttellanyone—partlybecauseIwanttogetmarried.Iwanttohaveahouseofmyown.Itisn’tpossibleathome.It’sallverywellforyou,Henryyoucangoyourownway.Ihavetobetherealways.Besides,youknowwhatourhouseis.Youwouldn’tbehappyeither,ifyoudidn’tdosomething.Itisn’tthatIhaven’tthetimeathome—it’stheatmosphere.”Here,presumably,sheimaginedthathercousin,whohadlistenedwithhisusualintelligentsympathy,raisedhiseyebrowsalittle,andinterposed: “Well,butwhatdoyouwanttodo?” Eveninthispurelyimaginarydialogue,Katharinefounditdifficulttoconfideherambitiontoanimaginarycompanion. “Ishouldlike,”shebegan,andhesitatedquitealongtimebeforesheforcedherselftoadd,withachangeofvoice,“tostudymathematics—toknowaboutthestars.” Henrywasclearlyamazed,buttookindtoexpressallhisdoubtsheonlysaidsomethingaboutthedifficultiesofmathematics,andremarkedthatverylittlewasknownaboutthestars. Katharinethereuponwentonwiththestatementofhercase. “Idon’tcaremuchwhetherIevergettoknowanything—butIwanttoworkoutsomethinginfigures—somethingthathasn’tgottodowithhumanbeings.Idon’twantpeopleparticularly.Insomeways,Henry,I’mahumbug—Imean,I’mnotwhatyoualltakemefor.I’mnotdomestic,orverypracticalorsensible,really.AndifIcouldcalculatethings,anduseatelescope,andhavetoworkoutfigures,andknowtoafractionwhereIwaswrong,Ishouldbeperfectlyhappy,andIbelieveIshouldgiveWilliamallhewants.” Havingreachedthispoint,insti