CHAPTER XII

eyou,”hesaid.“Itwasnewstome.”Hesawherfacechange,butonlytobecomegraverthanbefore. “Myengagement?”sheasked.“Yes,IamgoingtomarryWilliamRodney.” Ralphremainedstandingwithhishandonthebackofachairinabsolutesilence.Abyssesseemedtoplungeintodarknessbetweenthem.Helookedather,butherfaceshowedthatshewasnotthinkingofhim.Noregretorconsciousnessofwrongdisturbedher. “Well,Imustgo,”hesaidatlength. Sheseemedabouttosaysomething,thenchangedhermindandsaidmerely: “Youwillcomeagain,Ihope.Wealwaysseem”—shehesitated—“tobeinterrupted.” Hebowedandlefttheroom. RalphstrodewithextremeswiftnessalongtheEmbankment.Everymusclewastautandbracedasiftoresistsomesuddenattackfromoutside.Forthemomentitseemedasiftheattackwereabouttobedirectedagainsthisbody,andhisbrainthuswasonthealert,butwithoutunderstanding.Findinghimself,afterafewminutes,nolongerunderobservation,andnoattackdelivered,heslackenedhispace,thepainspreadallthroughhim,tookpossessionofeverygoverningseat,andmetwithscarcelyanyresistancefrompowersexhaustedbytheirfirsteffortatdefence.Hetookhiswaylanguidlyalongtheriverembankment,awayfromhomeratherthantowardsit.Theworldhadhimatitsmercy.Hemadenopatternoutofthesightshesaw.Hefelthimselfnow,ashehadoftenfanciedotherpeople,adriftonthestream,andfarremovedfromcontrolofit,amanwithnograspuponcircumstancesanylonger.Oldbatteredmenloafingatthedoorsofpublic-housesnowseemedtobehisfellows,andhefelt,ashesupposedthemtofeel,aminglingofenvyandhatredtowardsthosewhopassedquicklyandcertainlytoagoaloftheirown.They,too,sawthingsverythinandshadowy,andwerewaftedaboutbythelightestbreathofwind.Forthesubstantialworld,withitsprospectofavenuesleadingonandontotheinvisibledistance,hadslippedfromhim,sinceKatharinewasengaged.Nowallhislifewasvisible,andthestraight,meagerpathhaditsendingsoonenough.Katharinewasengaged,andshehaddeceivedhim,too.Hefeltforcornersofhisbeinguntouchedbyhisdisasterbuttherewasnolimittothefloodofdamagenotoneofhispossessionswassafenow.Katharinehaddeceivedhimshehadmixedherselfwitheverythoughtofhis,andreftofhertheyseemedfalsethoughtswhichhewouldblushtothinkagain.Hislifeseemedimmeasurablyimpoverished. Hesathimselfdown,inspiteofthechillyfogwhichobscuredthefartherbankandleftitslightssuspendeduponablanksurface,upononeoftheriversideseats,andletthetideofdisillusionmentsweepthroughhim.Forthetimebeingallbrightpointsinhislifewereblottedoutallprominencesleveled.AtfirsthemadehimselfbelievethatKatharinehadtreatedhimbadly,anddrewcomfortfromthethoughtthat,leftalone,shewouldrecollectthis,andthinkofhimandtenderhim,insilence,atanyrate,anapology.Butthisgrainofcomfortfailedhimafterasecondortwo,for,uponreflection,hehadtoadmitthatKatharineowedhimnothing.Katharinehadpromisednothing,takennothingtoherhisdreamshadmeantnothing.This,indeed,wasthelowestpitchofhisdespair.Ifthebestofone’sfeelingsmeansnothingtothepersonmostconcernedinthosefeelings,whatrealityisleftus?Theoldromancewhichhadwarmedhisdaysforhim,thethoughtsofKatharinewhichhadpaintedeveryhour,werenowmadetoappearfoolishandenfeebled.Herose,andlookedintotheriver,whoseswiftraceofdun-coloredwatersseemedtheveryspiritoffutilityandoblivion. “Inwhatcanonetrust,then?”hethought,asheleantthere.Sofeebleandinsubstantialdidhefeelhimselfthatherepeatedthewordaloud. “Inwhatcanonetrust?Notinmenandwomen.Notinone’sdreamsaboutthem.There’snothing—nothing,nothingleftatall.” NowDenhamhadreasontoknowthathecouldbringtobirthandkeepaliveafineangerwhenhechose.Rodneyprovidedagoodtargetforthatemotion.Andyetatthemoment,RodneyandKatharineherselfseemeddisembodiedghosts.Hecouldscarcelyrememberthelookofthem.Hismindplungedlowerandlower.Theirmarriageseemedofnoimportancetohim.Allthingshadturnedtoghoststhewholemassoftheworldwasinsubstantialvapor,surroundingthesolitarysparkinhismind,whoseburningpointhecouldremember,foritburntnomore.Hehadoncecherishedabelief,andKatharinehadembodiedthisbelief,andshedidsonolonger.Hedidnotblameherheblamednothing,nobodyhesawthetruth.Hesawthedun-coloredraceofwatersandtheblankshore.Butlifeisvigorousthebodylives,andthebody,nodoubt,dictatedthereflection,whichnowurgedhimtomovement,thatonemaycastawaytheformsofhumanbeings,andyetretainthepassionwhichseemedinseparablefromtheirexistenceintheflesh.Nowthispassionburntonhishorizon,asthewintersunmakesagreenishpaneinthewestthroughthinningclouds.Hiseyesweresetonsomethinginfinitelyfarandremotebythatlighthefelthecouldwalk,andwould,infuture,havetofindhisway.Butthatwasalltherewaslefttohimofapopulousandteemingworld.